Or..’Shall We Wait Till We Start Fighting?’
Even though, I would rather live in the ‘WHAT IS’ dimension, than the ‘WHAT IF’ realm, there are times when I can not help but WONDER… Could I have saved my past relationships, ‘knowing THEN, what I know NOW’?…
I wish that I could have understood THEN, that the fights and conflicts between me and my partner over: sex-money-kids-communication-what not.. were all a protest for connections; a cry for being seen-heard-understood-HELD… and that we were both being hijacked by our ever lasting cyclical dance of — ‘fight or flight’ or ‘find the bad guy’ or ‘freeze and flee’.
If ONLY I understood then that my fights were my PRIMARY PANIC to ward off abandonment and rejection…and that all those endless disagreements were masquerading the longing to be held, the fear of the loss, and the echoing question, ‘Are you there for me’?
What IF I had that CLARITY that our fights were a ‘protest polka’, a dance that was a cry for closeness, warding off the fear of disconnection…on BOTH our parts.
Someone who was interested in taking my ‘Hold Me Tight’ couples workshop, asked me recently ‘IS THIS WORKSHOP FOR US?’… ‘we are getting along so well’.. ‘we are in the honeymoon phase’..
Are we still going to benefit from taking the workshop if we have not (YET) gotten into any conflicts?..
So WHAT IF…when the energy of the relationship is in its PRIMARY high; when everything is a possibility, not a challenge; when we are in that magic space where we want everything FOR the other.. WHAT IF we can take all that energy to enhance our closeness and INTIMACY..
WHAT IF we can know NOW how we dance, forever…
My ANSWER to YOU and to her is:
THIS IS the time to come to a COUPLES workshop…
Learn how to identify raw spots, recognize old painful patterns and injuries, learn to communicate in a way that pulls your partner toward you, talk about intimacy and sex and longing…learn to dance the dance of love.
Coming this November to Nevada City, California!
We can help you book accommodations if you want to turn this weekend into a superb retreat.
Dalia Anderman, MFT
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”