Making New Year resolutions that stick… (and new couple’s workshop coming in March, 2016)
If you are like me, right around the middle of December, as the Solstice approaches, the darkness sets in and I go inward, getting in touch with the promises I have made myself about the changes I’ve wanted to make. Then there is the big New Year’s Eve event, where the music and libations and magic at midnight solidify it all into my ‘New Year Resolutions’…
And as my favorite author, researcher and public speaker, Brene Brown, writes, “for many of us, the new year brings with it feelings of hope and new possibilities.” Brown asks:
- What do we want more of in our lives?
- Is it time to let go of the things that no longer serve us?
- How can we feel more alive, more authentic, more comfortable in our skin?
Brown adds: we often make resolutions and set expectations without doing the necessary reality-checking and without asking ourselves some tough questions:
1. I may want something different in my life, but if I don’t have new skills or a new lens to see old problems, will things really change?
2. Change always feels vulnerable. Can I do this alone or do I need support and community?
3. And the big one… are there needs and fears embedded in these resolutions that need more unpacking before I launch into change?
These questions are important to ask, and by asking them, they help us to go deeper into ourselves to understand what the real changes are that we are seeking and where our obstacles lie along our path to getting where you want to go. It is important to understand the underlying emotions, beliefs, hurts and fears that sabotage our wish to make changes and block the possibilities to reach our goals and resolutions.
And Brown continues, “there’s a predictable pattern around New Year’s Resolutions…” (where we say to ourselves):
January 1 – ‘This resolution is going to be awesome!’
January 5 – ‘I’m awesome.’
January 10 – ‘This sucks.’
January 20 – ‘I suck.’
Understanding ourselves involves identifying those emotional blocks that sabotage and hijack us from reaching our destinations. Uncovering those (at times, subconscious or hidden) blocks and discovering what prevents us from achieving our goals, can then help lead us to breakthroughs and give us the freedom to move forward.
In a way, in order to be able to follow through with any goal, aim, or New Year’s Resolution, we need to know where we want to go, and what are the obstacles to getting there, so that we can set ourselves on the right path. Creating positive long-lasting and secure changes in our lives is like creating new trails in the landscape of our lives. Neuroscience can now confirm that we are actually creating new neural pathways in our brain, developing new positive habits and long-enduring changes.
During this transition into the New Year, many couples and relationships also go through a similar process. and ask themselves:
- What kind of relationship do we want in the New Year?
- What resolutions to change do we promise ourselves and our partner?
- How do I want to show up in this relationship, and what changes am I hoping for?
Many couples show up for therapy after the New Year, wanting to use this time to renew their commitment to a better relationship and to creating a more secure, passionate love-bond.
Are you ready to experience a stronger couple connection?
In the past few weeks I have had many inquiries about the Hold Me Tight workshop. Many times as part of the change couples are committing to, there is the realization that being supported and guided in the process can be helpful and increase the positive outcome possibilities.
Dr. Sue Johnson developed the Hold Me Tight program based on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and her bestselling book, Hold Me Tight, Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love.
In those workshops we learn and apply core concepts from Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), the most successful couple therapy model substantiated by research. Working through 7 Conversations, couples will learn about the new science of love and explore new ways of moving out of old negative cycles that keep them stuck and disconnected. Couples will gain increased awareness and learn new tools to create new interactional patterns and help strengthen their sense of connection and intimacy to establish a secure and lasting relationship bond.
In the many conversations and exercises in the workshop:
- You will ignite your romantic fire by experiencing a new ways of connecting.
- We talk about how to forgive old injuries, heal wounds of rejection, abandonment, and infidelity.
- We learn to access the underlying emotions that support the reactivity in the cycle.
- We visit past events that have become unresolved issues, and create change events.
- We learn to talk about sex intimacy and what is blocking us from living to our sexual potential.
- We create rituals and talk about how to maintain the breakthrough of the weekend.
The work we do in our HMT workshop gives couples a map, a way to understand their negative cycles, and endless conflict patterns, and help them find a way out of the desperation of fights.
In the workshop we work to identify the steps that lead you to the Dance that keeps you both stuck in the same patterns over and over again. We name the negative cycle, we learn how to communicate about the challenges we get stuck in, and we see more clearly where it hijacks the relationship over and over again.
The focus of EFT is to help partners understand more clearly each other’s deepest emotions. Feelings are often hidden, unexpressed or misunderstood. Our relationships can be a cause of stress and pain or a source of comfort and joy. In the HoldMeTight workshops, we help couples learn how to deal with their feelings together, reach towards each other, and be responsive in more loving and positive ways.
In these Hold Me Tight Couples Weekends, we create a safe, supportive, and encouraging environment to explore your relationship.
You and your partner will get to work together to strengthen your relationship through a series of discussions, experiential exercises, videos and teachings. You will have the option to share and process your discoveries as you are making them, but you will not be required to share your process with the group. Either way, we will be there to guide you to a closer more intimate relationship.
Couples can reveal to each other their longing for safety and closeness and talk with each other about their fear and vulnerability.
The tools you learn will continue to serve your relationship long after this weekend. Couples have said in their testimonials that the focus and intensity of the workshop gave their relationship such a boost, even more powerful then ongoing couples therapy.
Many couples leave the Hold Me Tight workshops feeling accepted, supported, understood, and loved.