Loneliness and how to move through it.

Dear Readers,

I came across a brief article a few months back about how many young people are turning to AI for companionship and often times romantic connection. Lonliness 2.0, in The Week, is not a research article, but it does illustrate how big the companionship and connection gap is for so many of us. Needless to say, this is something I hear a lot about in my practice as a psychotherapist, and it is heartbreaking.

Labeled an epidemic by the US Surgeon General in 2023, loneliness is experience by a significant proportion of the US population. An October 2024 Gallup poll showed ‘”Twenty percent of U.S. adults…feeling loneliness “a lot of the day yesterday.”

Harvard Graduate School of Education’s article, What is Causing Our Epidemic of Loneliness and How Can We Fix It? reports an even higher number of 29% of adults aged 35-44 feeling lonely while showing that loneliness effects people across the age, racial, gender, income and education spectrum.

There are many reasons for feeling lonely. Geographic separation, lack of community, health and mental health contributors, grieving the loss of a loved one, in addition to more practical scenarios of working too many hours, difficulty meeting new people, family stress, financial stress, or even just not knowing how to connect. The list is long.

I have at times found myself sucked into spending too much time on a screen, endlessly and getting scrolling in trying to get a connection fix via my computer or phone, which leaves me feeling more lonely.

What I’ve noticed as a therapist, is that more than any other factor causing us to experience loneliness, the loss of emotional connection, is the most common. About this, Dr. Sue Johnson, a leading innovator in couple therapy and the developer of Emotional Focused Therapy, says:

We are bonding mammals. When our loved one is emotionally unreachable, we protest, we panic, and then we shut down. Disconnection is coded by the brain as danger.

A perceived sense of threat associated with disconnection can initiate a cascade of stress, fear, and anxiety, activating the autonomic nervous system’s survival responses—fight, flight, or freeze—and, in some cases, contribute to states of helplessness or hopelessness.

For me, when that nagging feeling of loneliness starts to creep in, I know that I need to connect. It’s not always an easy task when I feel down or sad. I have stories about it being needy, but I know that if I do not connect, taking action to address it will only get harder.

Connection can come in so many forms. We can reach out to a friend, a family member, or a colleague; We can call a hotline, or when needed reach to a therapist a counselor or other mental health provider. At times, walking outside and connecting with nature can bring us relief. Smelling the air and breathing deeply can help to regulate our nervous system, and help us feel more connected to ourselves. The most important part is that we take the step to reach out.

In the long term, finding and engaging with purpose through work or volunteer efforts, planning a trip to see a new perspective, or even going back to school and changing careers can help us reconnect.

Loneliness decreases when we feel belonging. Treat loneliness as a signal, not a sentence. It’s your nervous system saying, “I want connection.” It’s not a sign that something is wrong with you, it’s a sign you’re human.

It is also important to be aware of the times of year when we may experience more loneliness. This could be around the fall season and our move into winter, or around the holidays, with everything that they bring up for each of us. Take steps to keep your mood and motivation steady throughout the year. If you experience S.A.D. in the fall or winter, there are treatment options such as light therapy (phototherapy), psychotherapy, warm long bath, exercise (of course), and at times supplements such as Vitamin D, or medications that can help.

Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat

If you are feeling lonely in your relationship, and desire to reignite your love and strengthen your bond, we are traveling to Costa Rica in April for another Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat (April 16-21st, 2026) at the beautiful Imiloa Institute.

Our Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat is designed to help couples rekindle connection and offers a unique and intensive healing experience designed to move couples out of disconnection and into a place of love, understanding, and hope. It is also a time to celebrate your relationship and take time for play, joy, and intimacy.

Building on Sue Johnson’s EFT, Owen and myself have paired attachment science with polyvagal-informed somatic practices so each partner can downshift physiology, unlearn protective patterns, and relearn the natural skills we were never taught—soothing, signaling safety, and reaching. 

Utilizing our combined experience in the beautiful surrounds of luscious Costa Rica, we offer couples a unique, integrative, deep dive, into their relationship and how to enhance secure connection. You will learn how to understand and improve your relationship with presentations by the workshop leaders, private exercises and conversations with your partner, and by watching video demonstrations of other couples. However, this isn’t group therapy and all dialogues with your partner will be done in private. Confidentiality and comfort are of upmost importance.

Here is what last year’s participants are saying.

It is hard to summarize the magic Kevin and I are taking home to implement in our marriage. Dalia and Owen have a gift that every couple needs to experience. I am so thankful for this experience and will treasure it in my heart and my memory forever. – Casey P.  (LA)

If you are a man who has a partner asking you to open up, to be more of yourself in your relationship – then don’t even hesitate to experience Hold Me Tight. You will come away with a whole new perspective on yourself and leave with real tools to transform and live your life much more fully. – Craig C.  (CA)

My wife and I just returned from the Hold Me Tight retreat in Costa Rica. Let me just say, Wow! This was life changing. First of all, the place, Imiloa, is amazing up in the jungle. The food is what I would call gourmet vegetarian, nothing processed. They serve fresh juices and fruit alongside every delicious meal. The HMT content really helped my wife and I break through some of our deepest challenges and reconnect in a way I’m not sure we even knew was possible. We feel more committed to each other now more than ever. We would go back to HMT in a minute! Thanks, Dalia! – Doug R. (NY)

Register or Learn more at:
Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat – Costa Rica April 16-21, 2026

If you have still have questions or just want to get a feel for how we work, we offer a free 30-minute consultation where we can chat about any questions or concerns. To book a consultation, please fill out our brief questionnaire, and we will be in touch. We welcome all couples, and we keep the retreat small to ensure privacy, safety, and personal attention.

In addition, please do not hesitate to contact me privately by email at dalia@daliaanderman.com, or call or text my cell: 530.218.2721.

In gratitude and love to all of you,
~Dalia