Dalia Anderman, LMFT

Emotional Focus Therapy

Dalia Anderman, LMFT

How to Re-Pair a Relationship

Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops

Dear Readers,

Many couples therapy systems teach us better communication, better negotiations, and lots of different ways how to get more of what you want from a relationship.

As a couple therapist for 25+ years, I have noticed that regardless how much the couples who come to my office do to work, fix, and Re-Pair their relationship, and regardless how much I try to help couples get along, the same cycle of helplessness and hopelessness can still reappear as we recycle the same conflict in different department.

I always, say that couples come to see me for three major issues.. Money, Sex, and Kids... but the truth is that what they are coming for is to repair the disconnection.

We can make agreements about having more sex, or being more transparent about finances, or improving parenting coordination and sharing responsibility, but the truth is that the conflict often resurfaces in other department of the relationship.

Of course, money, sex, and kids are super important in a good relationship, and all three need communication, attention, and agreements. But when I am able to help couples get into the underlying plot of the recent fights to see the unmet attachment needs that are plaguing the relationship, we can then move into re-pair on a profound level of deep emotions, vulnerable fears, and sharing our longing for connection.

I am hosting a Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop in Nevada City this August 22-23rd that will be an excellent place to step into profound re-pair.

Details & Registration

Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop

Many of you have been inquiring and waiting for our next local, in-person,  Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop. We have been leading them in Costa Rica for few years, and it is time to bring them back home!

When couples come to our Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops, they get to spend uninterrupted, connected time to unpack their relationship and experience how to create a safe space for their it.

These workshops are a place to take risks and have deeper more meaningful conversations, where instead of repeating the shame and blame cycle, couples can learn how to access and share their vulnerability, and experience Re-Pairing when and where needed.

From Breakdowns to Breakthroughs

All couples face periods of conflict and disconnection. It’s not uncommon for partners to feel stuck or unable to communicate effectively or resolve conflicts, sometimes even for years. These negative patterns can strain the relationship to its breaking point. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, researched and developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, can significantly improve distressed relationships.

I have written a lot on my website and in many of my blogs about the unique version of Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops that Owen Marcus and I lead. During these couples retreats, you and your partner will benefit from over two decades of my work as a couples therapist utilizing Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) to understand the patterns of attachment in the dance of relationship. 

The Hold Me Tight® Workshop is designed around seven conversations detailed in Hold Me Tight, the book, all of which have been shown to be essential to successful relationships. You will learn how to understand and improve your relationship with presentations by workshop leaders, private exercises and conversations with your partner, and by watching video demonstrations of other couples.

Although the format encourages questions and comments, you do not need to speak in the group if you do not wish to. All of the dialogues with your partner will be done in private. Confidentiality and comfort are of upmost importance.

About the Facilitators

Together, Dalia and Owen bring a combination most couples retreats don’t offer: EFT attachment science, Hold Me Tight structure, somatic awareness, and real experience working with men in relationship. The EFT model names what is happening. The somatic work makes it accessible. The result is a retreat that couples can actually use.

Dalia Anderman, LMFT

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist · EFT Practitioner
Dalia has spent decades helping couples move from disconnection into safer emotional contact. She works with warmth, depth, and a directness that couples describe as both compassionate and practical. She is an Emotionally Focused Therapist and an International Hold Me Tight® presenter who also trains other therapists in the model. Her work goes beyond communication skills to the attachment needs underneath the fight.

Owen Marcus, MA

Co-Founder, MELD · Somatic Practitioner · Men’s Development Leader
Owen has spent more than fifty years helping men develop the capacity to stay present, honest, and connected under pressure. He is the co-founder of MELD and the author of Grow Up: A Man’s Guide to Masculine Emotional Intelligence. He brings a body-based and men-informed approach to couples work, helping men understand what happens in their nervous system when they feel criticized, overwhelmed, or shut down, and what to do next.

What is Included?

• A workbook full of information, education, guidance, and helpful exercises.
• Engaging presentations, video demonstrations of other real life couples, communication and experiential exercises, and the opportunity for many private exercises and conversations with your partner.
• Owen Marcus and Dalia Anderman will be available to give you personal time, support, and guidance as needed throughout the weekend.
• An amazing opportunity to take a time-out from your rushed life, for sacred intimacy!!!
• We provide continental breakfast, coffee, fruit, tea and healthy light snacks throughout the day.

What’s not included.
• Lunch is on your own. Please feel free to bring your own snacks and drinks as well (We are located in Grass Valley near cafes, restaurant and delis).
• Accommodation is not included in the cost of the weekend. Some couples find it a unique opportunity to make the weekend into a retreat. There are a lot of sweet unique Airbnb’s and hotels in our beautiful town. We will be happy to share some suggestions with you.

What Couples are Saying

“Joan and I have been married for 42 years. You might think we’ve got it all figured out. Well, you know better than that. It’s working your way back after all those things, figuring out how to solve the long-term issues and focusing on what’s really important. The retreat and the process really did that…I cannot state too strongly the incredible skill level that Dalia and Owen brought.” – W.H., South Carolina

“Dalia and Owen have a gift every couple needs to experience. I am so thankful and will treasure this forever.” – Casey P., Los Angeles

“Hold Me Tight gave me a whole new perspective on myself and real tools to live and love more fully.” – Craig C., California

“I cannot state too strongly the incredible skill level that Dalia and Owen brought.” – W.H., South Carolina

“HMT is a particle accelerator for your relationship.” – E.K., Switzerland

Details & Registration

We keep our workshops small to ensure privacy, safety, and personal attention.
Space is limited.

You can also contact me via the direct email link below.
Looking forward to hearing from you,

Dalia

Woman sits on the edge of an infinity pool, with a tropical garden and distant ocean under a blue sky in the background.


P: 530-692-0680
DIRECT EMAIL, or via
CONTACT FORM


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Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson, founder and originator of Emotionally Focused Therapy.

Why Do Couples Fight?

Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops

Dear readers,

It has been a long while since my last blog. I try to be consistent with writing to you, but at times life gets too busy, especially with all the preparation for our Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat in Costa Rica. We just got back and it was an amazing experience.

Creating the Costa Rica retreat has been a long time dream of mine, and has also been challenging. Previously, I’ve been facilitating Hold Me Tight® weekend workshops here in Nevada City, as well as in NYC, Israel, and other spots around the world.

The Costa Rica retreats took the format of a Hold Me Tight® weekend workshop, and transformed it into a week, adding more somatic work, experiential exercises, and of course excursions to some of the areas that magical Costa Rica has to offer. It all happened at the Imiloa Institute, a place I fell in love with 3 years ago, and wanted to share with others.

The transformations couples were able to experience there, were beyond any of my expectations, absolutely amazing.💜 Couples discovered new possibilities, went deeper into their emotions, and understood their relationships in a more profound way. The group created a tight knit community, fostering deep connections, and bonding as a group as well as in their private couples work.

Thank you Karen Stockham and Geoff Steurer for being our support team and excellent assistants, with an additional thank you to Karen for all of her incredible photos!

The couples explored their negative cycles and emotional dances, they dove into their raw spots, learned how to have the HMT conversations, experienced forgiveness, touched on their intimacy issues, and ended with an evening of ritual and dance. We all witnessed how incredibly inspiring and life changing this work can be.

Once again, I am feeling immense gratitude to Sue Johnson who embarked on this journey of figuring out couples relationships, and broke the code for ‘what it is to love.’ 

One major area we explore in our Hold Me Tight® retreats and workshops is why couples fight. Fights and conflict can often be major obstacles to closeness and intimacy. A partner’s desire to fight for the relationship can often be misinterpreted as an attack.

According to Dr. Sue Johnson in Hold Me Tight, couples fight because they are experiencing a perceived threat to their emotional safety and connection not just over surface-level issues like money, sex, children, or chores.

These fights are, often unconscious, protests against disconnection:

Two silhouettes face each other, hands pressed against a vertical divider, above a beige panel with 'Dr. Sue on fighting' and a quote about relationship conflict.
Dr. Sue Johnsons Instagram
  • Protest Against Disconnection: Most fights are panic responses to feeling emotionally detached or abandoned, rooted in our primal need for attachment.
  • The “Demon Dialogues” (Negative Cycles): Fights become repetitive cycles where partners trigger each other. These cycles are often “pursue-withdraw” (one partner demands closeness while the other pulls away) or “attack-attack” (both blaming).
  • Unspoken Attachment Needs: Underneath anger is fear. Couples fight because they cannot easily express their need for comfort or reassurance, leading to blame.
  • Loss of Safe Connection: When the feeling of safe, accessible, and responsive love is lost, partners go into “fight or flight” mode
  • Raw Spots: Minor arguments over topics like “tone of voice” are often triggered by “raw spots”—sensitive, past attachment wounds that create disproportionate pain, such as fear of not being good enough.

The 3 Types of Relationship Fights You Keep Having—and What To Do About Them, an article on couples therapist, mentor, and inspirational speaker Esther Perel’s sub stack Entire Nous, states that there are three categories of fights and conflict in relationships:

  • “Power and Control: Fights over decision-making, whose priorities matter more, and who holds the influence in the relationship…
  • Care and Closeness: Arguments centered on trust, reliability, and emotional safety. The underlying question is usually…
  • Respect and Recognition: Frustrations stemming from feeling unappreciated, dismissed, or invisible…”

When I read these categories, they bring me back to the foundational questions; Can I trust you, and do you have my back? and Do I matter? And they also bring to mind a favorite quote by Esther Perel, “It’s not what you’re fighting about, it is what you’re fighting for.”

It is a known cliche that couples fights about Money, Sex, and Kids (not always in this order), but in my experience being a couples therapist for more then 20+ years, couples fight because they want to know that they matter, that their partner has their back and will be there for them, and because they want to be seen and heard.

As many of you know, I have been a psychologist and therapist on the CIT TEAM at Burning Man, colloquially known as Psyches on Bikes.

This art installation on the playa from 2015 called LOVE is a sculpture by Ukrainian artist Alexandr Milov. It demonstrates a conflict between a couple, as well as the outer and inner expression of human nature. The figures of the protagonists are made in the form of big metal cages, where their inner selves are captives. Their inner selves take the form of transparent children holding out their hands through the cage to each other.

In this powerful image we can see the inner conflicts of relationship. While the two adult figures turn away in sorrow, the inner selves are longing for the connection. When we are in conflict with our loved one, we turn away from each other in panic, hurt, rage, anger, and pain. We do not know how to reach out and be vulnerable with each other, but the inner self, that part of us that is longing for the connection, does.

We fear that if we show our deep primary vulnerable emotions, and talk about our feelings, hurts, and needs, we will be looked at as weak, or we will be dismissed or ridiculed, or worst of all, we will be abandoned and rejected by the person we turned to. That’s why it may feel ‘safer’ to close ourselves off in ‘metal cages’ and turn away.

So how do we re-pair, heal, and re-connect from fights and conflicts. We just spent a week in Imiloa with 15 couples, exploring the way back to each other. I’ll be writing about the journey back to connection in my next post as well.

Upcoming Event

Hold Me Tight® Workshop
Nevada City, CA | August 22-23, 2026
More Info & to Register

In gratitude and love to all of you,
~Dalia


P: 530-692-0680
DIRECT EMAIL, or via
CONTACT FORM


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Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson, founder and originator of Emotionally Focused Therapy.

Loneliness and how to move through it.

Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops

Dear Readers,

I came across a brief article a few months back about how many young people are turning to AI for companionship and often times romantic connection. Lonliness 2.0, in The Week, is not a research article, but it does illustrate how big the companionship and connection gap is for so many of us. Needless to say, this is something I hear a lot about in my practice as a psychotherapist, and it is heartbreaking.

Labeled an epidemic by the US Surgeon General in 2023, loneliness is experience by a significant proportion of the US population. An October 2024 Gallup poll showed ‘”Twenty percent of U.S. adults…feeling loneliness “a lot of the day yesterday.”

Harvard Graduate School of Education’s article, What is Causing Our Epidemic of Loneliness and How Can We Fix It? reports an even higher number of 29% of adults aged 35-44 feeling lonely while showing that loneliness effects people across the age, racial, gender, income and education spectrum.

There are many reasons for feeling lonely. Geographic separation, lack of community, health and mental health contributors, grieving the loss of a loved one, in addition to more practical scenarios of working too many hours, difficulty meeting new people, family stress, financial stress, or even just not knowing how to connect. The list is long.

I have at times found myself sucked into spending too much time on a screen, endlessly and getting scrolling in trying to get a connection fix via my computer or phone, which leaves me feeling more lonely.

What I’ve noticed as a therapist, is that more than any other factor causing us to experience loneliness, the loss of emotional connection, is the most common. About this, Dr. Sue Johnson, a leading innovator in couple therapy and the developer of Emotional Focused Therapy, says:

We are bonding mammals. When our loved one is emotionally unreachable, we protest, we panic, and then we shut down. Disconnection is coded by the brain as danger.

EFT therapy, HMT

A perceived sense of threat associated with disconnection can initiate a cascade of stress, fear, and anxiety, activating the autonomic nervous system’s survival responses—fight, flight, or freeze—and, in some cases, contribute to states of helplessness or hopelessness.

For me, when that nagging feeling of loneliness starts to creep in, I know that I need to connect. It’s not always an easy task when I feel down or sad. I have stories about it being needy, but I know that if I do not connect, taking action to address it will only get harder.

Connection can come in so many forms. We can reach out to a friend, a family member, or a colleague; We can call a hotline, or when needed reach to a therapist a counselor or other mental health provider. At times, walking outside and connecting with nature can bring us relief. Smelling the air and breathing deeply can help to regulate our nervous system, and help us feel more connected to ourselves. The most important part is that we take the step to reach out.

In the long term, finding and engaging with purpose through work or volunteer efforts, planning a trip to see a new perspective, or even going back to school and changing careers can help us reconnect.

Loneliness decreases when we feel belonging. Treat loneliness as a signal, not a sentence. It’s your nervous system saying, “I want connection.” It’s not a sign that something is wrong with you, it’s a sign you’re human.

It is also important to be aware of the times of year when we may experience more loneliness. This could be around the fall season and our move into winter, or around the holidays, with everything that they bring up for each of us. Take steps to keep your mood and motivation steady throughout the year. If you experience S.A.D. in the fall or winter, there are treatment options such as light therapy (phototherapy), psychotherapy, warm long bath, exercise (of course), and at times supplements such as Vitamin D, or medications that can help.

Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat

If you are feeling lonely in your relationship, and desire to reignite your love and strengthen your bond, we are traveling to Costa Rica in April for another Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat (April 16-21st, 2026) at the beautiful Imiloa Institute.

Our Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat is designed to help couples rekindle connection and offers a unique and intensive healing experience designed to move couples out of disconnection and into a place of love, understanding, and hope. It is also a time to celebrate your relationship and take time for play, joy, and intimacy.

Building on Sue Johnson’s EFT, Owen and myself have paired attachment science with polyvagal-informed somatic practices so each partner can downshift physiology, unlearn protective patterns, and relearn the natural skills we were never taught—soothing, signaling safety, and reaching. 

Utilizing our combined experience in the beautiful surrounds of luscious Costa Rica, we offer couples a unique, integrative, deep dive, into their relationship and how to enhance secure connection. You will learn how to understand and improve your relationship with presentations by the workshop leaders, private exercises and conversations with your partner, and by watching video demonstrations of other couples. However, this isn’t group therapy and all dialogues with your partner will be done in private. Confidentiality and comfort are of upmost importance.

Here is what last year’s participants are saying.

It is hard to summarize the magic Kevin and I are taking home to implement in our marriage. Dalia and Owen have a gift that every couple needs to experience. I am so thankful for this experience and will treasure it in my heart and my memory forever. – Casey P.  (LA)

If you are a man who has a partner asking you to open up, to be more of yourself in your relationship – then don’t even hesitate to experience Hold Me Tight. You will come away with a whole new perspective on yourself and leave with real tools to transform and live your life much more fully. – Craig C.  (CA)

My wife and I just returned from the Hold Me Tight retreat in Costa Rica. Let me just say, Wow! This was life changing. First of all, the place, Imiloa, is amazing up in the jungle. The food is what I would call gourmet vegetarian, nothing processed. They serve fresh juices and fruit alongside every delicious meal. The HMT content really helped my wife and I break through some of our deepest challenges and reconnect in a way I’m not sure we even knew was possible. We feel more committed to each other now more than ever. We would go back to HMT in a minute! Thanks, Dalia! – Doug R. (NY)

Register or Learn more at:
Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat – Costa Rica April 16-21, 2026

If you have still have questions or just want to get a feel for how we work, we offer a free 30-minute consultation where we can chat about any questions or concerns. To book a consultation, please fill out our brief questionnaire, and we will be in touch. We welcome all couples, and we keep the retreat small to ensure privacy, safety, and personal attention.

In addition, please do not hesitate to contact me privately by email at dalia@daliaanderman.com, or call or text my cell: 530.218.2721.

In gratitude and love to all of you,
~Dalia


P: 530-692-0680
DIRECT EMAIL, or via
CONTACT FORM


Facebook | HOLD ME TIGHT® WORKSHOPS

Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson, founder and originator of Emotionally Focused Therapy.

Reignite Your Relationship with Us in Costa Rica!

Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops, Individual Therapy

Dear Reader,

For those of you who know me, you know how much I love to travel and be out in the world. I return from experiencing new places feeling energized and inspired. You probably also know how committed I am to my psychotherapy practice and the Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops I lead. To me, they are like leading couples on an adventurous journey, helping their relationships move from breakdowns to breakthroughs.

Last year I was inspired to take a big step and combine these two loves by leading a 6 Day Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat in Costa Rica. It was a huge success and so I’ve decided to hold another in April 2026! I invite you to join me for 6 days of beauty, adventure, delicious food, transformation, connection and rejuvenation at Imiloa Institute in Costa Rica!

Opening Up a New Chapter

At the retreat this last February, we had a chance to unwind, play, and reconnect with our partners amidst the lush beauty of Costa Rica. It felt like a perfect setting for rediscovering passion, the uniqueness of our connections, and reconnecting to the love at the core of our relationships.

Imagine waking up in the jungle, hearing toucans and macaws in the canopy above you and having ample time to reconnect with yourself and your partner. Deep diving into your relationship while you also explore the jungle around you and the amazing coastal beaches just 10-minutes drive away.

In the past I have led these workshops in my home town of Nevada City, California, and in other locations such as New York, Idaho, Israel, and South Africa. However, after the experience of facilitating last year’s retreat at Imiloa Institute and witnessing the impact that being in such a wonderful space had on couples and myself, I’m hooked! Imiloa Institute has a magic and transformative power of its own and I can’t think of a better setting for this powerful couples work! Come join us and see for yourself!

Breakdowns to Breakthroughs

All couples face periods of conflict and disconnection. It’s not uncommon for partners to feel stuck or unable to communicate effectively or resolve conflicts, sometimes even for years. These negative patterns can strain the relationship to its breaking point. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, researched and developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, can significantly improve distressed relationships.

I have written a lot on my website and in many of my blogs about the unique version of Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops that Owen Marcus and I lead. During these couples retreats, you and your partner will benefit from over two decades of my work as a couples therapist utilizing Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) to understand the patterns of attachment in the dance of relationship.

You will also benefit from Owen Marcus’ decades of experience working with men’s emotional intelligence, as well as his understanding and unique lens which he details in his book Grow Up: A Man’s Guide to Masculine Emotional Intelligence. Owen specializes in guiding men to embrace vulnerability. His expertise extends to working with couples, and he has shared his methods with a diverse audience, including therapists, NGOs, and major tech firms like Google. Owen’s deep experience and innovative approach, honed through co-founding EVRYMAN and co-leading MELD, promise to significantly enrich the dynamics of the workshop.

Rekindle Connection!

The Hold Me Tight® 6-day (5-night) Couples Retreat offers a unique and intensive healing experience designed to move couples out of disconnection and into a place of love, understanding, and hope. It is also a time to celebrate your relationship and take time for play, joy, and intimacy.

The Hold Me Tight® Workshop is designed around seven conversations detailed in Hold Me Tight, the book, all of which have been shown to be essential to successful relationships. You will learn how to understand and improve your relationship with presentations by the workshop leaders, private exercises and conversations with your partner, and by watching video demonstrations of other couples.

Although the format encourages questions and comments, you do not need to speak in the group if you do not wish to. All of the dialogues with your partner will be done in private, confidentiality and comfort are of upmost importance.

What last year’s participants had to say.

It is hard to summarize the magic Kevin and I are taking home to implement in our marriage. Dalia and Owen have a gift that every couple needs to experience. I am so thankful for this experience and will treasure it in my heart and my memory forever. – Casey P.  (LA)

If you are a man who has a partner asking you to open up, to be more of yourself in your relationship – then don’t even hesitate to experience Hold Me Tight. You will come away with a whole new perspective on yourself and leave with real tools to transform and live your life much more fully. – Craig C.  (CA)

Having been involved in different types of therapy for 36 years, EFT has been the most successful for me and my love relationship. To do this work in this paradise of Imiloa was magical. – Robin C. (FD)

My wife and I just returned from the Hold Me Tight retreat in Costa Rica. Let me just say, Wow! This was life changing. First of all, the place, Imiloa, is amazing up in the jungle. The food is what I would call gourmet vegetarian, nothing processed. They serve fresh juices and fruit alongside every delicious meal. The HMT content really helped my wife and I break through some of our deepest challenges and reconnect in a way I’m not sure we even knew was possible. We feel more committed to each other now more than ever. We would go back to HMT in a minute! Thanks, Dalia! – Doug R. (NY)

HMT is a “particle accelerator” for your relationship. It’s a carefully curated format, based on a proven method that provided the tools and impulses to lean into the scary places of relationship life.  E.K  (Switzerland)

For more details, visit Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat. We also offer a free 30-minute consultation where we can answer any questions you have. To book a consultation, please fill out our brief questionnaire, and we will be in touch. We welcome all couples, and we keep the retreat small to ensure privacy, safety, and personal attention.

Please do not hesitate to contact me privately by email at dalia@daliaanderman.com, or call or text my cell: 530.218.2721.

In gratitude and love to all of you,
~Dalia


P: 530-692-0680
EMAIL
CONTACT FORM

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Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson, founder and originator of Emotionally Focused Therapy.

You can Fight to be Right…and be Alone.

Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops

Dear Reader

I enjoy connecting, sharing, and checking in with you. I’ve also missed some of my regular posts while focused on the Hold Me Tight® Retreat I just hosted in Costa Rica. Thank you for your patience!

There are many variations on this post’s title, like “You can fight to be right, and choose to lose” or “You can fight to be right, or choose to be happy.” I have used some of these in my couples therapy practice, trying to bring closure to recurring fights that feed negative cycles.

Most arguments revolve around trying to get your partner to agree with you, to see your point, or to be heard, seen, and understood. But as so many of us know, all too often, it just goes on and on in endless cycles. And while you may win the battle, you may at the same time lose the war or the relationship.

I enjoyed how Joe Rossini posed the question in his Lesson 10 in ehappylife.com’s Life Lessons Blog.

If you have been married or living with another individual for any length of time, I’m sure you can identify with the premise that most disputes you encounter at home are about the silliest of topics. You may find yourself in the heat of battle just to prove your partner is wrong. These silly disputes repeated often enough, by stubborn individuals who must [emerge] victorious, can lead to lots of hard feelings. Silly arguments may even lead to the end of a valued relationship. Thus the question to ponder remains “is it really worth the effort to fight to be right?”

In a recent blog titled, For You to be Right, I don’t have to be Wrong, I explored the idea of how to resolve conflicts when they seem inescapable. When the fights get repeated, it is only the subject matter that changes while we get drawn into the same dynamic loop again and again. In her post for Psychology Today, The Fight to Be Right: What Are You Fighting For?, Nancy Colier LCSW, Rev. cuts to the core of our desire to be right.

At its core, fighting to be right is about fighting to be heard, known, and understood, what we’re all longing for. If we can prove we’re right, that what happened in our inner world is what happened in the outer world and everyone else’s world, if it can be confirmed as correct, then our experience is valid, and most importantly, we’re allowed to feel what we feel. 

And with our partners, that need to be accepted and validated, for them to see our side, to agree with our point, and to honor our opinion, is often compounded by fears of abandonment, rejection, and not mattering.

Longing for connection is at the core of our relationships. When our partner does not agree with us and a conflict erupts, we may launch into a protest, lose our balance, start a fight, or try anything to get connection back. And underneath the fight, the anger, and the frustration, there are often deep vulnerable feeling of loneliness, fear, and sadness, but what our actions are expressing is our deep down need to know that we are not alone and that our partner will be there for us.

A participant at our recent Hold Me Tight® Costa Rica Retreat summed up fighting to be right in a vulnerable way when he said,

I can fight to be right and win the argument and be alone without my partner; and that is very sad.

That deep down need to know that our partner will be there for us is a foundational aspect of Emotionally Focused Therapy which was developed by clinical psychologist Dr. Sue Johnson. The EFT model is considered to be one of the most effective evidence-based therapy methods available and is currently taught to over 3000 health care professionals every year. Countless couples’ relationships have been repaired and strengthened because of Sue’s work.

EFT emphasizes that couples often get stuck in repetitive, negative patterns of interaction, which she refers to as “the cycle”. This cycle takes the shape of an infinity loop, with no start or end, where each partner’s actions, emotions, and thoughts trigger and feed off of the other partner’s actions, emotions, and thoughts.

Sue Johnson’s Hold Me Tight® Program, workshops, and her book Hold Me Tight are rooted in over 30 years of attachment and relationship science and share her methods for stepping out of “the cycle,” improving relationship satisfaction, and fostering secure emotional bonds.

Hold Me Tight®
Retreat Announcement

Having just completed my first Hold Me Tight® Costa Rica Retreat at the Imiloa Institute in Costa Rica, I’ve decided to book another one for April 16-21st, 2026! Sign up to be the first to know when registration opens!

Come join us for a 6-day Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat in the midst of a lush jungle, with Toucans, Sloths, Monkeys, Butterflies, and so much more. If you’re interested in receiving updates about registration, we’d love to hear from you.

What is included:

• Five nights and six days at Imiloa Eco-Luxury Retreat Center.
• Charter flight from SJO (San Jose, Costa Rica) to a small airport near the Retreat Center. 
• IMILOA Shuttle Service, all-inclusive luxury SUV ground transportation.
• Plant-based, organic, locally sourced gourmet meals, created each day by a 5-star master chef.
• A beautiful campus tucked in the Costa Rican jungle devoted to our retreat.
• Access to a private waterfall, miles of nature paths, incredible flora and fauna, and an ocean view infinity pool.
• Yoga classes taught by the local instructors.
• Access to an online resource library.
• A workbook full with conversation and communication exercises, a skill building toolkit, and much more.
• Special excursions.
• Magical surprises.

Co-Facilitator

Owen Marcus, MA, author, workshop facilitator, co-founder of EVRYMAN and MELD, and TEDxTalk presenter on Masculine Emotional Intelligence, will once again be co-leading this workshop with me. (Owen’s TEDX talk)

With a rich background in leading men’s groups and trainings across the country, Owen specializes in guiding men to embrace vulnerability. His expertise extends to working with couples, and he has shared his methods with a diverse audience, including therapists, NGOs, and major tech firms like Google. Owen’s deep experience and innovative approach, honed through co-founding EVRYMAN and now co-leading his latest venture, MELD, promise to significantly enrich the dynamics of the workshop.

How We Work

Our Hold Me Tight® Retreat is based on Dr. Sue Johnson’s Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT). Once again, I feel immense gratitude to Dr. Sue Johnson, who embarked on this journey to break the code of what it is to love, identify the obstacles to secure attachments, and pioneer a path to form long lasting bonding connections with our loved ones. 

At our Hold Me Tight® Retreat, participants will learn how to:

• Affirm strengths in the relationship by developing understanding, communication, and bonding. 
• Address negative cycle patterns, and learn why they show up, and how to get out of them. 
• Learn how to repair and forgive injuries, and become vulnerable with each other.
• Enhance emotional, physical, and sexual, closeness, and Intimacy. 

Our Hold Me Tight® retreat will be packed with education, information, presentations, experiential exercises, communication skills, somatic practices, gender groups, fun activities, and much more. This is a great opportunity to have a deep and vulnerable look at your relationship. Processing is done in the privacy of the couples, and when we connect as a group, sharing is optional. We keep our workshops small to ensure privacy, safety, and personal attention. Space is limited.

Sign up to be the first to know when registration opens for April 16-21st 2026!
We Welcome All Couples!! 

In gratitude and love to all of you,
~Dalia


P: 530-692-0680
DIRECT EMAIL, or via
CONTACT FORM


Facebook | HOLD ME TIGHT® WORKSHOPS

Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson, founder and originator of Emotionally Focused Therapy.

When You Are S.A.D.

Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops

Dear Reader

I don’t know about you, but for me, I find myself enjoying summer, the long days and the warm evening, feeling it will stay that way forever and WHAM!!!, with little notice, it suddenly becomes dark and cold.

Don’t get me wrong, I do love fall, when the trees and leaves change into brilliant colors and it looks like an artist took over the landscape; It is truly beautiful. But as the days get shorter, the temperature drops, and we move the clocks back, I am reminded of the shift many of us feel to our moods and that S.A.D. is real.

Fall Colors

As fall leads into the darker portion of the year in the northern hemisphere, some of us will experience mild or even sever changes in our emotional states. Even if you’ve never suffered from depression, you can experience symptoms of S.A.D.

It’s important to be aware of S.A.D. so that if you, or someone with whom you’re close is impacted, you can take steps to find the support you need. Don’t brush off those feelings as simply a case of the “winter blues” or a seasonal funk that you have to tough out on your own.

Take steps to keep your mood and motivation steady throughout the year. Treatments for S.A.D. can include light therapy (phototherapy), psychotherapy, warm long bath, exercise (of course), and at times supplements such as Vitamin D, or medications.

According to the Mayo Clinic, Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that’s related to changes in seasons. If you’re like most people with S.A.D, it begins and ends at about the same time every year with symptoms starting in the fall and continuing into the winter months, sapping your energy and making you feel moody.

Please do not feel that you have to “just get over it,” or hunker down until it passes. Please ask and reach out for help and support.

According to WebMD, while we don’t know the exact causes of S.A.D., some scientists think that certain hormones made deep in the brain trigger attitude-related changes at certain times of year. Experts believe that S.A.D. may be related to these hormonal changes. One theory is that less sunlight during fall and winter leads to the brain making less serotonin, a chemical linked to brain pathways that regulate mood. When nerve cell pathways in the brain that regulate mood don’t function normally, the result can be feelings of depression, along with symptoms of fatigue and weight gain.

You expected to be sad in the fall. Part of you died each year when the leaves fell from the trees and their branches were bare against the wind and the cold, wintery light…

Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast

Hold Me Tight® Costa Rica

Sometimes when experiencing winter S.A.D, it can help to go south and be in a place of warmth and light. If that is something you consider, here is an invitation…

Many of you have followed my Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops journey. You have seen me offer, facilitate, and lead successful Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops here in Nevada City, CA over the past ten years. Early last year, I decided to take a leap and push a new edge for myself; I pre-booked a Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat at the beautiful Imiloa Institute in Costa Rica. I’ve scheduled this Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat for Valentine’s Day ’25 (February 11-16)!

At this Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat, you and your partner will have the opportunity to take a deep dive into your relationship:

• Affirm strengths in the relationship through understanding, communication, and bonding.
• Address negative cycle patterns; Learn why they show up and how to get out of them.
• Learn how to repair and forgive injuries and become vulnerable with each other.
• Enhance emotional, physical, and sexual closeness and intimacy.

This is not group therapy!! Processing and working through the issues in your relationship is done in the privacy of the couples, and when we connect as a group, sharing is optional.

What’s Included

• Accommodations – five nights and six days at Imiloa Eco-luxury Retreat Center
• Charter Flight from SJO (San Jose Costa Rica), airport to a small airport close to the retreat center
• IMILOA Shuttle Service All-inclusive luxury SUV ground transportation
• Plant-based, organic, locally sourced, gourmet meals, created each day by a master 5-star chef
• A campus devoted to our retreat, tucked in the Costa Rica jungle
• Access to a private waterfall, miles of nature paths, incredible flora and fauna, and an ocean view infinity pool
• Yoga classes taught by the local instructors
• Access to an online resource library
• A workbook full with conversations and communication exercises, skill building toolkit, and much more
• Special excursions
• Magical surprises

Retreat Co-Facilitator

Owen Marcus, MA, author, workshop facilitator, co-founder and creator of the EVRYMAN Method, co-founder of MELD, and TEDxTalk presenter on Masculine Emotional Intelligence, will once again be co-leading this workshop with me. (Owen’s TEDX talk)

With a rich background in leading men’s groups and trainings across the country, Owen specializes in guiding men to embrace vulnerability. His expertise extends to working with couples, and he has shared his methods with a diverse audience, including therapists, NGOs, and major tech firms like Google. Owen’s deep experience and innovative approach, honed through co-founding EVRYMAN and now co-leading his latest venture, MELD, promises to significantly enrich the dynamics of the workshop.

Read more and register here

We keep our workshops small to ensure privacy, safety, and personal attention.
Space is limited. We welcome all couples!!
(Please FORWARD to anyone you think will benefit from this work.)

In gratitude and love to all of you,
~Dalia


P: 530-692-0680
DIRECT EMAIL, or via
CONTACT FORM


Facebook | HOLD ME TIGHT® WORKSHOPS

Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson, founder and originator of Emotionally Focused Therapy.