Dalia Anderman, LMFT

Emotional Focus Therapy

Couples Intensive

Can Traveling Re*inspire a Relationship?

Couples Intensive, Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops

Dear Readers,

Those of you that know me know that traveling has been a lifelong passion of mine. I have always felt curious about the world around me, and especially what lies beyond the usual boundaries of my world. Even when it is challenging and involves pushing my physical or psychological limits, I’ve pushed myself to expand both my abilities and horizons.

Not all those who wander are lost. J.R.R. Tolkien

As a teenager, I would go exploring, taking walks or hikes out in nature or taking the but so somewhere new for an adventure. What began as a way to get away from the chaos at home developed into a sense of wonder & wanderlust.

In my early 20’s, when I finished my military service in Israel, I packed a small backpack and booked a flight to Amsterdam to begin my exploration of Europe. Little did I know, that trip would start me on a decades long journey traveling through many countries and eventually making my home in the United States. I still travel frequently.

While becoming a psychotherapist, a mentor of mine pointed out to me that the word relationship is made up of two words: “Relation” and “Ship” which translate to “How are we relating and where is this ship going.” It became my professional passion to help guide couples as they navigate these two realms.

As a therapist, I work with couples who get stuck. One way to look at my work is helping couples move through their stuck-ness. And what better way is there to get unstuck than to change the scenery and get a new perspective?

Although we take ourselves wherever we go, travel of any proportion is an opportunity to leave some of the known behind to reset our perspective, and embark on a discovery of ourselves and our partner through new eyes against a different backdrop.

Couples tell me over and over that although they still love each other, they have gotten so wrapped up in family, kids, professional demands, bills and finances, and other obligations that they have forgotten what it is like to be a romantic, intimate, and sexual couple.

That is a normal response to the complexities of modern life, but if we do not take time to nurture and nourish our relation-ship, we start to feel distanced and disconnected. Many couples can begin to feel as if they are just roommates and co-parents while longing for that intimate, sexual, romantic, and vulnerable bond.

For many couples I work with, it is hard to find the mood, space, and excitement, for the intimacy, and sexuality, they are missing in their relationship. One of them told me recently that for them, the word ‘hotel’.. is an aphrodisiac.. they go away to a weekend in a hotel, so they can reignite the erotic sexuality they once celebrated in their connection. Being in a new environment, with no interruption, and the space to explore and not be in a hurry, gives them the time and space they needed to find intimacy again.

Although travel itself can be stressful, taking time away to reconnect is essential. It can be a weekend way in a beautiful place, a long weekend hiking, or a longer “real vacation” to reignite the magic and connection in the relationship.

The idea for this post goes back to March, when in one of my many travel mailing lists, I read an article titled Can Travel Cure a Broken Heart by Jessica Burrell on CNTraveler.com.

“…travel doesn’t necessarily mean we’re running away from our problems. “Broadly speaking, travel can be a very helpful way of processing heartbreak.” [where] “we oscillate between confronting and avoiding the loss, which is actually really healthy at the end of a relationship.”

Jessica Burrell quoting Dr Theresa Schwaiger, a clinical psychologist at London-based The Soke.

“There is no ‘cure’ for heartbreak, and travel cannot magically erase the pain.” But it can help us get out there and explore our complex interior life against a shifting external world, allowing us to process our emotions in a context that differs from the everyday.

Jessica Burrell quoting Chance Marshall, co-founder of mental health service Self Space.

And for those of you in need of inspiration and who want to take an adventure while holding space for your relationship, come join us in beautiful Costa Rica with your love one at our Valentines ’25 Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat hosted by the Imiloa Institute.

Imagine, its Valentine Day 2025, and you’re at a couples retreat that is luxurious in a different kind of way, not posh, but authentic, and rich with care, attention to every details, locally sourced, and in the midst of the lush, nurturing Costa Rican jungle. A perfect setting to reignite, upgrade, and repair your relationships.

Facilitating this retreat alongside myself will be Owen Marcus, MA, author, workshop facilitator, co-founder of EVRYMAN, and TEDxTalk presenter on Masculine Emotional Intelligence. (Owen’s TEDX talk)

With a rich background in leading men’s groups and trainings across the country, Owen specializes in guiding men to embrace vulnerability. His expertise extends to working with couples, and he has shared his methods with a diverse audience, including therapists, NGOs, and major tech firms like Google. Owen’s deep experience and innovative approach, honed through co-founding EVRYMAN and now co-leading his latest venture, MELD, promises to significantly enrich the dynamics of the workshop.

This retreat will be packed with educational information and presentations including experiential exercises, communication skills, somatic practices, gender groups, fun activities and much more. Processing is done in the privacy of your relationship, and when we connect as a group, sharing is optional. This is a great opportunity to have a deeper and vulnerable look at your relationship.

Participants will learn how to:

  • Affirm strengths in the relationship through understanding, communication, and bonding.
  • Address negative cycle patterns, and learn why they show up, and how to get out of them.
  • Learn how to repair and forgive injuries, and become vulnerable with each other. 
  • Enhance emotional, physical, and sexual closeness and intimacy.
Register here

Valentines ’25 in Costa Rica
Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat
We keep our workshops small to ensure privacy, safety, and personal attention.
Space is limited. We welcome all couples!!

(Please FORWARD to anyone you think will benefit from this work.)

In gratitude and love to all of you,
~Dalia


P: 530-692-0680
DIRECT EMAIL, or via
CONTACT FORM


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Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson, founder and originator of Emotionally Focused Therapy.

Keeping Resolutions in the New Year.

Couples Intensive, Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops, Individual Therapy

Dear Readers

This blog post started few month ago in November when I usually write my “how to survive the holidays” post. In these last few months, I have sat with many couples in therapy and talked about the coming holiday stress and about how to manage, cope, survive, and thrive in the holiday season. For many holidays can be a hard time.

Winter scene of falling snow, decorated Christmas trees and many footprints on a path around a condo building.

They can be a time of painful memories: Our first holiday without mom or dad, our first Christmas tree decorated alone, or even our first holiday season without our partner.

New couples may want or need to split their time between two families of origin. This can lead to driving, packing, making food, and wrapping presents in a stressful frenzy in an attempt to not hurt or disappoint anyone’s feelings.

While families can be a source of great strength, connection, love, and caring, they can also be a reminder of violence, neglect, abuse, and disconnection. Around the holidays, many people experience P. T. S. D. (posttraumatic stress disorder) with flashbacks of times in their past when the holidays were a time of dread, addiction, and dysfunction.

And with all of that, at times we can be lonely even when we are not alone, feeling that all those around us are cheerful and content while internally wondering, “Why can’t I feel joy?”

A group or tribe of people with their hands on the trunk of a tree symbolizing belonging.

In all of this, it is important to remember that modern society is having it’s own struggle with loneliness and disconnection. NPR’s All Things Considered quotes the US Attorney Generals new report, Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation, saying “In the last few decades, we’ve just lived through a dramatic pace of change. We move more, we change jobs more often, we are living with technology that has profoundly changed how we interact with each other and how we talk to each other.” They also note that, “…you can feel lonely even if you have a lot of people around you, because loneliness is about the quality of your connections.”

So, what can we take away from all of this? It is more important than ever to slow down and make time to connect both with ourselves and with those we love.

Humans have lived in tribes for thousands of years shaping our biology through the shared experience of communal belonging. Living today in tribes of two or even one, it’s important to think about neighbors or friends that may not have families or others with whom to share the holidays. We can all benefit from sharing the extra space at our table and building more feelings of community and belonging.

New Years

When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don’t adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.

Confucius

Another yearly blog I write during this season is about how to make and maintain New Year’s resolutions. If we engage with it, the beginning of a new year can be a time of reflection, commitment, setting intentions, and putting behind us what no longer belongs in our lives.

Sparklers with colored Christmas lights in the background at the time of New Years resolutions.

Not surprisingly, this time of year, I get a lot of inquiries about starting therapy. I try to clear my schedule toward the end of December so I can accommodate those New Year’s resolutions and new beginnings.

As we move into the new year putting our best foot forward with our new beginnings, changes, followups, resents, relationships and personal growth, it can be hard not to lose steam. Some people who struggle with drinking commit to a dry January but find it hard to maintain their wish to lead a healthier life. For others it might be to talk about the hard stuff in their relationship, or write a letter, or make a call they have been avoiding.

While January 1st is just another day on the calendar, it also represents an opportunity for change. And for me, as we move into the year and the newness fades, rituals like Jan 1st are one way to stay consistent. They mark time, create a rhythm, and help me stay focused.

We have our ordinary rituals of birthdays and anniversaries, but those only come once a year. Some couples I work with try to plan a date night every week so that they can continue to work on their relationship away from home, the kids, and chores.

Ritual can be something we learn to look forward to and committing to them can help us stay committed to our resolutions even when we get overwhelmed by the busyness of life, aren’t able to keep our promises, or struggle to see the incremental progress we are making over time. Jessie Harrold gives us some guidelines for creating rituals in their mindful.org article titled Why Rituals Matter (and How to Create Your Own).

Upcoming Couples Workshops

The wish and desire to cultivate a deep, significant, meaningful, erotic, fulfilling, romantic relationship, is part of us being alive. Keeping your love alive, your communication with your partner intimate and transparent, and your sex life juicy and vibrant can take work.

Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop – Grass Valley, CA / Spring ’24

A couple playing on a log overlooking the ocean in Costa Rica.

Costa Rica Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat – Rescheduled for Feb. 11-16, 2025
The Hold Me Tight® 6-day (5-nights) Couples Retreat at the Costa Rica Imiloa Institute offers a unique and intensive healing experience designed to move couples out of disconnection and into a place of love, understanding, and hope. It is also a time to celebrate your relationship and take time for play, joy, and intimacy.

Please do not hesitate to contact me privately by email with any questions.

Happy New Year!

In gratitude and love to all of you,
~Dalia

Happy New Years written in the sand of a beach.


P: 530-692-0680
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Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson.

S.A.D., in So Many Ways

Couples Intensive, Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops

Dear Readers,

I started writing this blog over a month ago now.

Every year, as we move into the fall season and the trees start to change colors and the days become shorter, I write a seasonal blog post to bring awareness to Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.) as well as strategies to prepare and cope with it. When I started writing this year, my working title was “S.A.D. is here…are you ready?”

However, in an unexpected twist, I found myself wholly unprepared for the tragic and sad events that took place on October 7th. The day when my homeland of Israel was attacked, when innocent civilians with babies, children, youths and elders among them were brutally murdered and taken hostage.

Regardless of where you stand geopolitically, the loss of so many innocent peoples’ lives and the violence of the attack left me, my family, my family of friends, and the whole country of Israel in shock, in deep pain, and in acute grief. And in additional to the terror of the attack, the war and violence continue.

I feel deep gratitude for all of you who reached out to me with care, empathy, and to offer sympathy to my country. For a month now I have been frozen in grief, not able to reach out or to finish my blog. When we are grieving, life can feel like it’s been reduced to only what’s necessary to survive.

As I’ve started to write again, this post has taken on a different name: SAD in So Many Ways. The sadness of innocent lives lost, of the loss of hope for peace, and of being caught between governments on both sides that do not care about their citizens.

In Ester Perel’s recent blog post, Reading & Writing in a Time of War, she talks about coming together with each other in times of grief.

‘Despite all that is splitting us, we are trying to really see each other and connect through our humanity. We talk about our grief, how our feelings aren’t binary, how we agree more than disagree. We talk about the people who are experiencing the hell of war on the ground—loved ones, friends of friends, and strangers—and how we can help them. We are not turning away from this conflict, we are turning toward each other. As Peter Levine says, “Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathic witness.”’

She also gives advice about how to approach this conversation.

‘ – Try reaching out to someone in your life whom you know is close to this conflict.
– You don’t need to make a point.
– Keep it general but heartfelt.
–“My friend, I have been thinking about you and wanted to affirm our connection. There is so much to say about this war but, right now, I just want you to know that our friendship is important to me. If you ever want to correspond more about what is happening or just about life, I am here”
– Release yourself of the expectation to get anything in return. this is a difficult time for so many and we are all processing it in our own way.
– What matters is that you show you care.’

There are no winners in war,
but countless lives will be torn apart.

Filippo Grandi, head of the UN refugee agency, UNHCR

Seasonal Affective Disorder

And while feeling all of the sadness, I still want to speak a bit, on Seasonal Affective Disorder, and it’s impact.

As the days get shorter and the nights get longer, fall leads into the darker portion of the year in the northern hemisphere. Along with this shift into the darker months, some of us will experience mild or even sever changes in our emotional states. Even if you’ve never suffered from depression, you can experience symptoms of S.A.D.

It’s important to be aware of S.A.D. so that if you are impacted, you can take steps to find the support you need. Don’t brush off that yearly feeling as simply a case of the “winter blues” or a seasonal funk that you have to tough out on your own. Take steps to keep your mood and motivation steady throughout the year. Treatments for S.A.D. can include light therapy (phototherapy), psychotherapy, and at times supplements such as Vitamin D or medications.

I have been so grateful to have my therapy practice to lean into in these times. Being with my clients in the office gives me a sense of hope and purpose, a feeling that regardless of what is happening, I can still contribute to making the world a better place, one hour at a time.

Big News: Hold Me Tight® Costa Rica

Many of you have followed my Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops journey. You have seen me offer, facilitate, and lead successful Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops here in Nevada City, CA, over the past ten years. Earlier this year, I decided to take a leap and push a new edge for myself; I booked a Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat, this coming May, at the beautiful Imiloa Institute in Costa Rica.

A view from Imiloa Institute in Costa Rica where we will be holding our next Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops this coming May.

After the tragic events in Israel and seeing my homeland go through such hard dark times, I’ve had a difficult time sharing about this retreat, feeling the stark juxtaposition of such a joyful experience, against the reality of so much suffering.

However, I’ve realized that now, more than any other time, we need connection, and we need to heal, and we need to find ways to reignite our belief in love and life.

And so, I want to invite you to share this new adventure and challenge with me at our next Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat in Costa Rica at the Imiloa Institute. Join us for 6 days, May 18-23, 2024, to share, and to reignite your relationship, in the magnificent healing beauty of Costa Rica; in the midst of a lush jungle with toucans, sloths, monkeys, butterflies, and your partner.

Once again, I am feeling immense gratitude to Dr. Sue Johnson on whose work Hold Me Tight® Workshops are based. She embarked on this journey of figuring out couples relationships and broke the code for “‘what it is to love,” discovered the obstacles to secure attachments, and pioneered how to form long lasting bonding connections with our loved ones.

Owen Marcus, MA, author, workshop facilitator, co-founder of EVRYMAN, and TEDxTalk presenter on Masculine Emotional Intelligence, will once again be co-leading this workshop with me. (Owen’s TEDX talk).

Owen brings with him the width of decades of leading and facilitating men’s group all over the country, helping men access their masculine vulnerability.  Owen’s presence, and his work with couples and men, will enhance this upcoming Hold Me Tight® retreat.

Flyer for our upcoming Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops at Imiloa Institute in Costa Rica.

We are looking forward to share this Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat and are happy to answer any questions you might have during a free consultation. Please fill out our brief questionnaire to ensure we tailor this consultation to your needs and help us make the most out of our 30-minute session together.

We are offering a 10% reduced fee for early registration.
Fill out a brief questionnaire to book a free 30 minute consultation for more information.
Book free 30 minute consult

Please do not hesitate to contact me privately by email at dalia@daliaanderman.com, or call or text my cell: 530.218.2721.

In gratitude and love to all of you,
Dalia


P: 530-692-0680
DIRECT EMAIL, or via
CONTACT FORM


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Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson, founder and originator of Emotionally Focused Therapy.

Reignite Your Relationship at Our Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat in Costa Rica

Couples Intensive, Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops

Experience transformation, connection, and rejuvenation at a 6-day Couples Retreat

Those of you who know me, know how much I love to travel, and be in the world. My natural curiosity makes me eager to experience new places. You probably also know how devoted I am to my psychotherapy practice and the Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops I lead. It is like leading couples on an adventurous journey, helping their relationships move from breakdowns to breakthroughs.

Now I am inviting you to come with me and share this unique experience, combining both my passions! Our exclusive Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat will be held at the Imiloa Institute in Costa Rica.

Step into a new chapter of your relationship

Unwind, play, and reconnect with your partner amidst the lush beauty of Costa Rica, a perfect setting for rediscovering your passion, the uniqueness of your relationship, and the love you wish to share.

Imagine waking up in the jungle, hearing toucans and macaws conversing in the canopy above you, having ample time to reconnect with yourself and your partner. Dive deep into your relationship while you also explore the jungle around you and the amazing coastal beaches just a 10-minute drive down the mountain.

In the past I have led these workshops in my home town of Nevada City, California, and in other locations such as New York, Idaho, Israel, and South Africa, but I have to admit I’m very excited about this unique location. Imiloa has a magic and transformative power of its own and I can’t think of a better setting for this powerful couples retreat!

All couples face periods of conflict and disconnection

Photo by Simon Shim on Unsplash

It’s not uncommon for partners to feel stuck or unable to communicate effectively or resolve conflicts, sometimes even for years. These negative patterns can strain the relationship to its breaking point.

Research reveals that Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, can significantly improve distressed relationships.

I have written a lot on my website and in many of my blogs about the unique version of Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops and Retreats led by Owen Marcus and myself. During this couples retreat you and your partner will benefit from over two decades of my work as a couples therapist utilizing Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) to understand the patterns of attachment in the dance of relationship. You will also benefit from Owen Marcus’ decades of experience working with men’s emotional intelligence, as well as his understanding and unique lens which he details in his book Grow Up: A Man’s Guide to Masculine Emotional Intelligence and utilizes in his work as the co-founder of EVRYMAN.

Rekindle Your Connection!

The Hold Me Tight® 6-day (5-night) Couples Retreat at the Costa Rica Imiloa Institute offers a unique and intensive healing experience designed to move couples out of disconnection and into a place of love, understanding, and hope. It is also a time to celebrate your relationship and take time for play, joy, and intimacy.

The Hold Me Tight® Workshop is designed around seven conversations detailed in the Hold Me Tight book, all of which have been shown to be essential to successful relationships. You will learn how to understand and improve your relationship with presentations by the workshop leaders, private exercises and conversations with your partner, and by watching video demonstrations of other couples.

Although the format encourages questions and comments, you do not need to speak in the group if you do not wish to. All of the dialogues with your partner will be done in private, as privacy, confidentiality and comfort are of upmost importance.

At our Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat, you will learn how to:

  • Move out of negative cycles that keep you feeling stuck and alone
  • Make sense of your own, as well as your partner’s, emotions
  • Forgive injuries that keep you from really opening up to your partner
  • Communicate your emotional needs for connection where there has been abandonment and betrayal

During and after our retreat you will be able to:

  • Establish a secure and intimate bond with one another
  • Restore commitment and hope
  • Decrease isolation, distance, and loneliness
  • Learn to manage intense and negative emotion
  • Rebuild safety and trust
  • Find a way back to the passion, sexual connection, and intimacy you once shared

Participants from our last Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop shared the following:

Though I love my husband dearly, I’d given up trying to repair and restore our relationship and marriage. I’d filed for divorce. As a last ditch effort, I agreed to attend Dalia’s and Owen’s Hold Me Tight workshop. I was skeptical that this would work. But, it did!

Without publicly airing our dirty laundry, we learned to listen to each other. Where I’d felt my emotional pain was unheard and unvalidated, I now felt the longed-for connections begin to establish themselves.

We have a lot of work ahead, but the workshop has provided a solid foundation and framework to continue the hard work required to heal and restore our commitment to each other. The results of our work during those two days were enough for me to decide to dismiss my divorce proceedings.

If you have any desire to save your relationship, I highly recommend Dalia’s and Owen’s Hold Me Tight workshop!

~ Ramona H

My spouse and I had the opportunity to participate in a recent “Hold Me Tight” retreat with Dalia. I was apprehensive at first as we were referred to the program by a therapist. I am so glad we went.

Dalia and her co-facilitators instantly made us feel comfortable. Being with 9 other couples helped me realize that my marriage isn’t broken and we aren’t doing this all wrong. It helped me realize that there are other people also wondering how to be better; how to communicate in a way that is healthy and sustainable for both of us.

My spouse and I plan to revisit and attend another retreat in a couple of years because we got so much out of it. I am confident that moving forward he and I will have an easier time communicating our needs to one another, listening to the underlying messages, and ultimately caring for and loving each other for many years to come.

Thank you Dalia, Owen, and Stephanie for being real, honest, and experts in the field of love and marriage. We are so thankful.

~ Darby G

The retreat includes:

  • Luxury accommodations for 6 days, 5 nights
  • Roundtrip private plane transfer from SJO airport to Imiloa’s landing strip, and all ground transportation
  • Gourmet, organic, plant-based meals
  • Fresh organic juice, coffee, and tea
  • Pool and beach experiences
  • Morning yoga
  • Time for you to reconnect, restore, and reignite your relationship
  • A workbook based on the Hold Me Tight® platform, which will be a resource during the workshop, and is full of information, guidance and helpful exercises
  • Engaging presentations, experiential exercises, video demonstrations of other real-life couples, and the opportunity for many private conversations with your partner
  • Owen and Dalia, two master therapists, will be there to teach and assist, and give you and your relationship counseling and guidance as need
  • Post-workshop complimentary follow-up support

What is not included:

  • Flights to SJO airport in Costa Rica 
  • Travel insurance (optional, but recommended)
  • Spa services
  • Extra day trips and excursions 

If you are interested in purchasing travel insurance, Imiloa has partnered with a Global Rescue, a comprehensive travel insurance program which offers “cancel for any reason” plans to maximize coverage.

For more information, we are happy to offer a free 30-minute consultation!

We are thrilled that you are considering our Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat and would be happy to answer any questions you might have during a free consultation. Please fill out our brief questionnaire to ensure we tailor this consultation to your needs and help us make the most out of our 30-minute session together.

Please do not hesitate to contact me privately by email at dalia@daliaanderman.com, or call or text my cell: 530.218.2721.

In gratitude and love to all of you,

P: 530-692-0680
DIRECT EMAIL, or via
CONTACT FORM


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Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson, founder and originator of Emotionally Focused Therapy.