Individual Therapy

What is wrong with Valentine’s Day? (A post-V Day blog)

Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops, Individual Therapy

Happy belated Valentine’s Day,

You might think that as a couple’s therapist, I would be a fan of this day, celebrating Valentine’s Day with an oomph. That I would welcome it with cards, balloons, chocolates, and roses.

Dad holds daughter celebrating with a sparkler. Valentine's Day is a celebration of love.

But the truth is…it is not a favorite holiday day of mine.

For years I have written a seasonal blog titled, Are the ‘Reds’ of Valentine’s Day Giving you the ‘Blues’? In it I write, “On the one hand, I’m glad we’re celebrating a day of LOVE; it’s a celebration of a very important concept in our lives, if not one of the most important concepts in our lives! On the other hand, there can be many mixed emotions surrounding this holiday”

‘[F]or many of us, Valentine’s Day is stressful! There are many expectations, and with them, the potential for failure. We may feel apprehensive, and we may experience old fears, such as memories of abandonment, betrayal, rejection, and disappointment. “Will I matter to you?” “Will I get it right” “Will I ever be good enough?“‘

And then, there are those of us who dread this day because they do not have a “valentine,” and maybe “something is wrong with me?”

Two children, a boy and a girl hugging. Love can come in many different forms this Valentine's Day.

But Truth is, that LOVE is not reserved for romantic love, or even a for a pair bonding. When I looked for pics for this blog i typed, “love,” and I typed “Valentine’s Day,” and some of the results are what you are seeing right now.

Love is so much more then romantic love. It could be a sense of belonging, a secure connection, a love of a favorite teacher, or an animal that we are so attached to.

Maybe the truth is that we can expand the meaning of LOVE.. As we go through the journey of life, the meaning of love can also change and shift for us individually.

This year, I discovered an even deeper meaning of love for me. It was a love for a country and of a homeland, and the love for my people there that I so care about. In October 7, 2023 when Israel was attacked on its southern border and hundreds were killed, I felt my heart break. And as the war expanded, and more people’s lives were lost on all sides, I felt my heart break even further. Feeling that pain and having recently returned from a trip to Israel, the love of people, country and homeland are the most present for me this Valentine’s Day.

Where there is love there is life.
Mahatma Gandhi

Romantic Love & Valentine’s Day

Of course, with all of the different types of love, there is always room for romantic love around Valentine’s Day. It is indeed a holiday for lovers and a celebration of relationships and romantic love!

As a couples therapist, I spend my days helping couples understand their relationships. I help them repair, injuries, learn to forgive, set goals, make agreements and commitments, get vulnerable, share fears, longings, and hopes.

A red, yellow, and pink rose in a glass vase in front of a pink wallpaper background symbolizing romantic love.

At times I help them to decide whether they want to stay together. A tough decision no matter the status of the relationship.

Over the more then two decades of doing this work, I have often wondered about the meaning of love. Tried to make sense of the difference between love, lust, emotional and physical attractions, and also ‘how do we fall in love.

It turns out that I am not the only one with these questions. Psychologist Arthur Aron developed a list of 36 questions as part of a 1997 study at the State University of New York at Stony Brook to see if intimacy could be accelerated between strangers. It was later popularized in Mandy Len Catron’s New York Times article, To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This.

You can go on your own adventure of discovery with a loved one with this list of 36 questions built for bringing you together. Find an easy access list here!

The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings
Arthur Aron, Edward Melinat, Elaine N. Aron, Robert Darrin Vallone, and Renee J. Bator
Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin
First published April 1, 1997

Upcoming Workshops Announcements

Nevada City, CA – Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop
–Date: April 27-28, 2024
–Price: $1045 per couple ($945 early bird pricing through 4/1/24)
-Register Here

Costa Rica – Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat
–Date: Valentines 2025 (Feb 11-16)
-View Accommodation or Book a Free Consultation

At our Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops and retreats, you and your partner will learn and experience how to:

Photo taken on the beach at Imiloa where we will hold our Valentine's Day 2025 Couples Retreat.

Affirm strengths in your relationship by developing understanding and bonding
Address negative cycle patterns, learn why they show up, and how to get out of them
Learn how to repair and forgive injuries, and become vulnerable with each other
Enhance your emotional, physical, and SEXUAL closeness and INTIMACY

Don’t miss these unique opportunities that have helped many couples find the way back to a secure and connected romantic relationship. We keep the groups small and intimate, and our workshops are open to all Couples.

We regularly sell out workshops, so if you have questions about the workshop or about the work I do, please feel free to contact me.

In gratitude and love to all of you,

~Dalia

Hands forming a heart over a small candle symbolizing love.

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Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson.

Keeping Resolutions in the New Year.

Couples Intensive, Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops, Individual Therapy

Dear Readers

This blog post started few month ago in November when I usually write my “how to survive the holidays” post. In these last few months, I have sat with many couples in therapy and talked about the coming holiday stress and about how to manage, cope, survive, and thrive in the holiday season. For many holidays can be a hard time.

Winter scene of falling snow, decorated Christmas trees and many footprints on a path around a condo building.

They can be a time of painful memories: Our first holiday without mom or dad, our first Christmas tree decorated alone, or even our first holiday season without our partner.

New couples may want or need to split their time between two families of origin. This can lead to driving, packing, making food, and wrapping presents in a stressful frenzy in an attempt to not hurt or disappoint anyone’s feelings.

While families can be a source of great strength, connection, love, and caring, they can also be a reminder of violence, neglect, abuse, and disconnection. Around the holidays, many people experience P. T. S. D. (posttraumatic stress disorder) with flashbacks of times in their past when the holidays were a time of dread, addiction, and dysfunction.

And with all of that, at times we can be lonely even when we are not alone, feeling that all those around us are cheerful and content while internally wondering, “Why can’t I feel joy?”

A group or tribe of people with their hands on the trunk of a tree symbolizing belonging.

In all of this, it is important to remember that modern society is having it’s own struggle with loneliness and disconnection. NPR’s All Things Considered quotes the US Attorney Generals new report, Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation, saying “In the last few decades, we’ve just lived through a dramatic pace of change. We move more, we change jobs more often, we are living with technology that has profoundly changed how we interact with each other and how we talk to each other.” They also note that, “…you can feel lonely even if you have a lot of people around you, because loneliness is about the quality of your connections.”

So, what can we take away from all of this? It is more important than ever to slow down and make time to connect both with ourselves and with those we love.

Humans have lived in tribes for thousands of years shaping our biology through the shared experience of communal belonging. Living today in tribes of two or even one, it’s important to think about neighbors or friends that may not have families or others with whom to share the holidays. We can all benefit from sharing the extra space at our table and building more feelings of community and belonging.

New Years

When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don’t adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.
Confucius

Another yearly blog I write during this season is about how to make and maintain New Year’s resolutions. If we engage with it, the beginning of a new year can be a time of reflection, commitment, setting intentions, and putting behind us what no longer belongs in our lives.

Sparklers with colored Christmas lights in the background at the time of New Years resolutions.

Not surprisingly, this time of year, I get a lot of inquiries about starting therapy. I try to clear my schedule toward the end of December so I can accommodate those New Year’s resolutions and new beginnings.

As we move into the new year putting our best foot forward with our new beginnings, changes, followups, resents, relationships and personal growth, it can be hard not to lose steam. Some people who struggle with drinking commit to a dry January but find it hard to maintain their wish to lead a healthier life. For others it might be to talk about the hard stuff in their relationship, or write a letter, or make a call they have been avoiding.

While January 1st is just another day on the calendar, it also represents an opportunity for change. And for me, as we move into the year and the newness fades, rituals like Jan 1st are one way to stay consistent. They mark time, create a rhythm, and help me stay focused.

We have our ordinary rituals of birthdays and anniversaries, but those only come once a year. Some couples I work with try to plan a date night every week so that they can continue to work on their relationship away from home, the kids, and chores.

Ritual can be something we learn to look forward to and committing to them can help us stay committed to our resolutions even when we get overwhelmed by the busyness of life, aren’t able to keep our promises, or struggle to see the incremental progress we are making over time. Jessie Harrold gives us some guidelines for creating rituals in their mindful.org article titled Why Rituals Matter (and How to Create Your Own).

Upcoming Couples Workshops

The wish and desire to cultivate a deep, significant, meaningful, erotic, fulfilling, romantic relationship, is part of us being alive. Keeping your love alive, your communication with your partner intimate and transparent, and your sex life juicy and vibrant can take work.

Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop – Grass Valley, CA / Spring ’24

A couple playing on a log overlooking the ocean in Costa Rica.

Costa Rica Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat – Rescheduled for Feb. 11-16, 2025
The Hold Me Tight® 6-day (5-nights) Couples Retreat at the Costa Rica Imiloa Institute offers a unique and intensive healing experience designed to move couples out of disconnection and into a place of love, understanding, and hope. It is also a time to celebrate your relationship and take time for play, joy, and intimacy.

Please do not hesitate to contact me privately by email with any questions.

Happy New Year!

In gratitude and love to all of you,
~Dalia

P: 530-692-0680
DIRECT EMAIL, or via
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Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson.

This Holiday, Don’t Forget to Breathe

Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops, Individual Therapy

If you are anything like me, you are looking at the calendar and wondering how and when it became the middle of December!

I still enjoy using wall calendars that hang in my office and home. I love having that monthly overview and that sense of turning the pages as the months go by. But often, December catches me by surprise.

I love this time of year. Though the days are short and it gets dark early, there is a sense of anticipation as we get close to the solstice and the holidays. There seems to be a collective feeling, whatever holiday we are celebrating this time of year, that we are chasing away the darkness, with lights, music, decorations, cheerful gatherings and celebrations.

There can also be a lot of stress at this time of year. After years of struggling and surviving the pandemic, coping with isolation, financial drawbacks, and not feeling safe to celebrate with extended family and friends, this year feels like a collective Exhale.

Candle light with a holiday centerpiece. Exhale, breathe deep, a time of celebration. — Photo by Sweta Meininger on Unsplash *| Feature photo is by Tim Gouw on Unsplash*

Every year in December I start to think about my yearly blog focused on Surviving Holiday Stress (if you look at previous December blogs, you will find some good holiday survival tips!) I wrote previously that,

As I then started creating my own family holiday traditions, with the growing lists of guests, presents, meals and foods to prepare, with the sweet myths, memories, and shared experiences, also came the un-invited guest… S T R E S S!!!

For many of us, holidays are a time of painful memories; Our first holiday with out mom, our first Christmas tree decorated alone, our first holiday with only one parent. At times we can be lonely even when we are not alone, feeling that those all around us are cheerful and content while internally wondering, “Why can’t I feel joy?”

Families can be a source of strength, connection, love, and caring. But they can also be a reminder of violence, neglect, abuse, and disconnection. Around the holidays, many people experience a form of P.T.S.D (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome), with reminders and flash backs of times in their past where the holidays were a time of dread, addictions, and dysfunctions.

In these last few weeks, I have sat with many of the couples I work with in my therapy practice, and talked about the coming holiday stress, how to manage, cope, survive, and thrive in the holiday season.

Sean Knurek writes in his November, 2018 Michigan State University Newsletter titled Understanding cortisol, the stress hormone, that,

Daily stress can, and does, affect our general health and well-being. We are all hard-wired at birth to react to stress in ways that protect ourselves from things that are perceived as harmful… [which releases] hormones including adrenaline and cortisol… [And] as important as cortisol is in assisting our body when we are threatened, it is just as important that we learn ways to lower cortisol when we are stressed by everyday problems and concerns.

One way that Sean goes on to suggest lowering cortisol is through mindful deep breathing. In Three Breaths for Lowering your Cortisol Level, an email column for 6seconds.org, Maria Jackson teaches us three types of breath that are statistically proven to soften the effects of stress on your body. Try one of these the next time you are feeling particularly stressed.

Mark Matousek, in his article Is the Way You Breathe Bad for Your Health? on Oprah’s Inspiration blog, writes,

It turns out that getting more oxygen—by simply changing the way we breathe—can facilitate healing from a startling number of serious conditions, including chronic pain, atrial fibrillation, asthma, digestive issues, depression, and a wide range of stress-related illnesses.

Mark also quotes Dr. Andrew Weil, a well-known pioneer in the field of integrative medicine,

If I had to limit my advice on healthier living to just one tip, it would be to learn to breathe correctly.

So as I move into the holidays this year, my strategy is to stay mindful of my breath and to pause often to take a moment and breathe.

Two coffee cups with a framed text reminding the viewer to breathe: Inhale the future, and exhale the past. — Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop

Thanks to all of you who have promoted our Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops, over all of the years. We couldn’t do this work without you. You are the ambassadors of the work I do, and I am filled with gratitude to you and to the work of Sue Johnson who has helped us to understand the code of love.

Dr. Sue Johnson developed the Hold Me Tight® program based on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) encoding it in her bestselling book, Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love.

Our next workshop:

Nevada City, CA
Date: April 15-16th, 2023
Price: $1095 per couple ($995 early bird pricing through 3/15/23)
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Here are some testimonials from our recent Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops:

“What a wonderful weekend to connect with my partner. Dalia and Owen blend together knowledge, skills, and empathy, and model and share their own vulnerability, with grace, humor, and sensitivity, while being professional, attuned and attentive to each couple in the room.”

“We Highly recommend this workshop, without hesitation, it was comfortable and private even though it was a group format”

“I do not know how they did it, but this weekend workshop transformed our relationship in ways that no therapy has been successful to do”

“Fantastic workshop. Great blend of genuine facilitation and 1:1 time. Deep knowledge and guidance conveyed simply and accessibly. Loved the depth of content, the clips, the binder, the small group, the balance between facilitation and couple work, also very thoughtful to have time with the facilitators.”

“Thank you Dalia and Owen, you pushed us to go deep, we trusted, and we gained so much understanding of one another that will greatly benefit and enhance the growth of our relationship and love.”

“Dalia and Owen are an amazing team. Their insights, care and experience carry the group on an adventure of the heart that surprises, opens, deepens, and enriches.”

” I think this workshop should be mandatory!!I am going to give it as a wedding present to all my relations. It was way above and beyond what we expected will happen during one weekend. We heard about the Hold Me Tight, but signed up blindly. We got more in one weekend then in two years of our marriage therapy.”

“It provided a safe place to open up and discuss radioactive topics that we could not hope to do on our own. Also loved the progression and visual clips to illustrate various points. Also the walk around support during work time.”

“The workshop is worth every dollar and minute of investment. It is an investment and not an easy one to make but the return is absolutely life changing. Do it!”

“Loved that the therapists were leaders and participants. That is, they allowed themselves to be vulnerable.”

“Dalia and Owen together create the perfect support system, safe space, and mirror to see your relationship as it is. And the offer some new tools to change the music, and create a better, richer dance!!”

Two people kissing and holding up lit sparklers in celebration. — Photo by Opeoluwa Fasanya on Unsplash

Few months present the multicultural celebrations that December does! Whether you celebrate Christmas, St Nicholas Day, Kwanzaa, Yule, Hanukkah, Solstice, Diwali, St. Lucia, Eid al-Fitr, Boxing Day, Saturnalia, Three Kings Day… or any other holiday this month, chances are that it is celebrated with LIGHTS, music, food and family.

Traditions of sitting around the fire, with lights, decorations, music, special foods and feasts, abound. Here in the US, our celebrations include giving gifts, parties, and family get-togethers, which can be wonderful and/or stressful.

Whatever you are celebrating this time of year,

Wishing you a happy, warm, beautiful, safe, and connected Holiday Season.
I am in gratitude to all of you.
Love,

Dalia

P: 530-692-0680
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Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson, founder and originator of Emotionally Focused Therapy.

When it is time to say Goodbye, Let Go and Move On.

Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops, Individual Therapy

Dear Reader,

Those of you who know me, both in my therapy practice and in my personal life, know how passionate, and excited I have been about Burning Man!!! This year was my 10th years on the Playa.

“Guided by the values expressed by the 10 Principles, Burning Man is a global ecosystem of artists, makers, and community organizers who co-create art, events, and local initiatives around the world. Most recognizably, tens of thousands of Burners gather annually to build Black Rock City, a participative temporary metropolis in the Nevada desert” (Burningman.org).

To me, it’s like an 80 thousand participant Kibbutz. Many of the Ten Principles of Burning Man remind me of the principles I grew up with in the Kibbutz culture of Israel. Some of these include: Radical Inclusion, Communal Efforts, Civic Responsibility, and Participation.

I also love Burning Man for it’s creativity, immense artistic expression, freedom and invitation to truly be who you are.

Dalia with a silver sculpture of two metallic tall humanoids appearing out of the air and coming together.

Years ago, after two years on the Playa as a participant and observer, I decided I wanted to give back and participate in a new way. So I started volunteering for the Black Rock City Emergency Services Department’s Crisis Intervention Team (BRC ESD CIT for short). Our nickname on the Playa is “Psyches on Bikes.”

It is hard to describe in words, or even express the feelings of how hard, challenging, hot, dusty, chaotic, and overwhelming my time in Burning Man over the last decade of participation has been. I am also without words to describe both the magic, epic, amazing connections and awe inspiring unbelievable beauty I have experienced as well.

Mid week during Burning Man 2022, when the temperatures soared to 108 F, and dust storms were creating a new level of whiteout, I was on my bike headed for a CIT call when I suddenly had that clarity, pit in my stomach sadness, grief, and relief, knowing that my time at Burning Man had come to an end. I was hot and exhausted, so I let the feelings go, waiting to see how they would settle out. But as the week progressed, ending on another epic note of “burning the man,” I felt complete, and I felt, “it is time to say goodbye, move on, and let go.”

My friends, colleagues, clients, and family inform me that I say that every year in September; And that when the CIT call for who is “In or Out” for the coming year arrives in February, I hear the call inside of me to say yes. But to me, this time feels different…We shall see.

In my 2015 blog, What do Burning Man, Psychs on Bikes, and Hold Me Tight® have in common?, (And why am I so compelled by both?), I explained how there are a lot of parallels for me between my work as a couples therapist, my Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops and my time on the Playa volunteering for “Psyches on Bikes”.

This year on the Playa, there was an immense art installation (sculpture) called LOVE, and it answered the question of ‘why am I so compelled’ by both; the work I do at Burning Man, and the work I do at home with my couples counseling and psychotherapy, and the Hold Me Tight® couples workshops retreats, I hold a few times a year, here in Nevada City, CA.

This art installation piece called LOVE is a sculpture by Ukraine artist Alexandr Milov. It demonstrates a conflict between a man and a woman as well as the outer and inner expression of human nature. The figures of the protagonists are made in the form of big metal cages, where their inner selves are captivated. Their inner selves are executed in the form of transparent children, who are holding out their hands through the grating to each other.

Those two wire frames of two adults sitting back to back, with their heads in their hands in disagreement with one another, while their ‘inner selves’ lit up inside of them reaching out to connect with the other person, is a representation of our relationships.
In this powerful image we can see in huge dimension the inner conflicts of relationship. While the two adult figures (in the form of big metal cages!), turning away in sorrow from each other, the inner selves are longing for the connection. In many cases, art can show us concepts that are hard to put into words, and this piece is a prime example of how very deep ideas can be conveyed without speaking. What an amazing symbol and depiction of the work I do with my couples in the office and in my workshops.

We all fear that if we show our deep real primary emotions and talk about our hurts and needs, we will be looked at as weak, we will be dismissed or ridiculed, or worst of all, we will be abandoned and rejected by the person we turned to. That’s why it may feel safer to “close ourselves in metal cages” and turn away.

When we are in conflict with our loved one, we turn away from each other in panic, hurt, rage, anger, and pain. We do not know how to reach out and be vulnerable with each other, but there is another part of us, that inner self, that is longing for connection.

In our Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops, we hold an intimate and safe place, where couples can find the opportunity to turn toward each other, open up in a vulnerable way, share their longing for connection, and talk about the changes they long for in their relationship.

What you and your partner will learn and experience:
• Affirm strengths in your relationship through understanding and bonding.
• Address negative cycles/patterns, learning why they show up and how to get out of them.
• Repair and forgive injuries, and how to become vulnerable with each other.
• Enhance your emotional and physical intimacy and sexual closeness.

I am also excited to announce that Owen Marcus, MA, author, workshop facilitator, co-founder of Evryman, and TEDxTalk presenter on Masculine Emotional Intelligence, will once again be assisting me in leading the workshop.

Owen brings with him decades of experience leading and facilitating men’s groups all over the country and helping men access their masculine vulnerability. Owen has been intensely involved in his new company Evryman, reaching men all over the world and helping them access and connect with their deep emotions and vulnerability. Owen’s presence and work with couples and men will enhance this upcoming Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop.

We Welcome All Couples!!!
For more information, and to register please go to: http://daliaanderman.com/workshops/
We keep our workshops small to ensure privacy, safety, and personal attention.
Spaces are very limited.

Please Forward this information to anyone you think will benefit from this work, and please call or email me with any questions or for more information.

With love and gratitude,

~Dalia

P: 530-692-0680
DIRECT EMAIL, or via
CONTACT FORM

Facebook | HOLD ME TIGHT® WORKSHOPS

Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson.

Are we there yet? Taking time out.

Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops, Individual Therapy

Dear Reader,

Time is a sort of river of passing events, and strong is its current; no sooner is a thing brought to sight than it is swept by and another takes its place, and this too will be swept away.
Marcus Aurelius

When I was younger, I remember we use to have calendars where you ripped off a page every day. Even then I remember being fascinated with how time went by; I looked forward to tearing off yesterday’s page and looked forward to what the next page/day looked like. I also remember that time stretched out, and moved slowly. Now it seems that those same days are going by ever so fast, and that my unit of time is more a month, rather than a day.

A special Thank You to my friend Carl Mautz for the use of his watch collages in this blog post. The feature image is his Swimming For Time.

At present, it is already the beginning of August 2022. More than two third of the year 2022 is already past by. When and how did that happen? Time goes by so fast that it feels surreal. Is there a brake pedal on this ride?!

One reason I love to travel so much is that it slows down time. Taken out of our routines and patterns by the new and unusual we sink deeper into our curiosity and our experience of our present moment.

At times I even prescribe “travel therapy” for myself and my clients. For myself it helps with boredom, confusion, heartbreaks, and even grief, anxiety, and depression. Being out in the world reminds me to look up and see what an incredible and unique gift life is.

Dalia taking time out in Grand Tetons National Park.

I recently got to take a travel time out. In these last few years of the pandemic, I found myself working a lot, as the need was so high, the stress intense and many needing help. But as I felt myself getting burned out, I knew I needed some mountain medicine. I went on a camping/hiking journey in the Grand Tetons National Park. Breathing that mountain air, watching nature unfold, meeting bears, moose and herds of elks reminded me how important it is to allow time to slow down, and to connect with myself. I came back to my office rejuvenated and more hopeful.

Taking some time out to attend to what we deeply long for, be it alone time, family time, nature, or a meditation retreat is essential to our well being and mental health. Please take some good care of yourself as we all need time out.

Cycles of Time, by Carl Mautz. — Cycles of Time, by Carl Mautz

And speaking of time passing, finally, after a long absence and a few cancellations due to the pandemic we were able to have an in person Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop here in Nevada City, California last month.

It was like watching a miracle over the weekend as couples broke down their walls, took the risk of deepening vulnerably, opened to each other and created new pathways for connection, communication, and secure attachment bonding.

During the closing ritual of our Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop, the transformation in the room was so present and powerful. Once again, I am awe struck with immense gratitude for Dr. Sue Johnson who embarked on this journey of figuring out the obstacles to secure attachments and how to form long lasting bonding connections with our loved ones.

Nov. 19 & 20th, ’22 Hold Me Tight® Workshop in Nevada City, CA.
We Invite and Welcome all Couples! We keep our workshops small to ensure privacy, safety, and personal attention. Spaces are very limited.
Read about or register here.

Our Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops are an intimate and safe place where couples can find the opportunity to open up to each other in a vulnerable way about the changes they long for in their relationship.

In these Workshops, you can:
• Forgive old injuries and heal wounds of abandonment, rejection, and betrayal.
• Access the underlying emotions in the negative cycle you get caught in over and over.
• Revisit past events that have become unresolved issues, and create change events.
• Talk about sex, intimacy, and what is blocking you from living your full sexual potential.
• Create rituals and talk about how to maintain the breakthroughs of the weekend.

Workshop Participants are saying…

Fantastic workshop. Great blend of genuine facilitation and 1:1 time. Deep knowledge and guidance conveyed simply and accessibly. Loved the depth of content, the clips, the binder, the small group, the balance between facilitation and couple work, also very thoughtful to have time with the facilitators.

Thank you Dalia and Owen, you pushed us to go deep, we trusted, and we gained so much understanding of one another that will greatly benefit and enhance the growth of our relationship and love.

You can also contact me via the direct email link below.
Looking forward to hearing from you,

~Dalia

P: 530-692-0680
DIRECT EMAIL, or via
CONTACT FORM

Facebook | HOLD ME TIGHT® WORKSHOPS

Are You S.A.D.?

Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops, Individual Therapy

For those of you who do not live in our area, the concept of living with the constant fear of fire danger and evacuation may sound unreasonable. But for us here in California, it is now the new normal, not thought of in terms if, but when. We spend the summer and fall with go bags by the door, daily checking the smoke and air quality index. It is a matter of survival.

Recently we had an hour of rain. We all went outside and got drenched inhaling the sweet smell. At the remote hint of a few drops of rain in the forecast, we hold our breath and try not to jinx it; we leave the outdoor furniture, cushions and blankets uncovered; we wash the cars and hang the laundry outside. We so needed that break in the seemingly endless fire season to let our individual and collective nervous systems take a couple deep breaths and come down from high alert.

Red deciduous tree behind white picket fence, showing fall colors.

I love this time of year, not only because it signals the end of our fire season, but because as autumn comes around there is a softness and surrender in the air, a quiet beauty in the leaves changing colors, and a time of solemn reflection and preparation for winter.

And, as the days get shorter and the nights get longer, fall leads into the darker portion of the year in the northern hemisphere. Along with this shift into the darker months, some of us will experience mild or even sever change in our emotional states of mind. Even if you have never suffered from depression, you can experience symptoms of S.A.D.

According to the Mayo Clinic, Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that’s related to changes in seasons. If you’re like most people with S.A.D, it begins and ends at about the same time every year with symptoms starting in the fall and continuing into the winter months, sapping your energy and making you feel moody.

A girl sits on a ledge, head bowed, silhouetted against a still pool, with far off rough waters and dark clouds. Representative of S.A.D.

Around this time of year, I often talk to my clients about this certain kind of sadness that starts to show up in Autumn.

It is important not to overlook S.A.D., as it can be debilitating and cause worrisome symptoms. Don’t brush off that yearly feeling as simply a case of the “winter blues” or a seasonal funk that you have to tough out on your own. Take steps to keep your mood and motivation steady throughout the year. Treatment for S.A.D can include light therapy (phototherapy), psychotherapy, and at time, supplements (such as Vitamin D) and medications.

Please do not feel that you have to “just get over it,” or hunker down until it passes. Please ask and reach out for help and support.

According to WebMD, while we don’t know the exact causes of S.A.D., some scientists think that certain hormones made deep in the brain trigger attitude-related changes at certain times of year. Experts believe that S.A.D. may be related to these hormonal changes. One theory is that less sunlight during fall and winter leads to the brain making less serotonin, a chemical linked to brain pathways that regulate mood. When nerve cell pathways in the brain that regulate mood don’t function normally, the result can be feelings of depression, along with symptoms of fatigue and weight gain.

You expected to be sad in the fall. Part of you died each year when the leaves fell from the trees and their branches were bare against the wind and the cold, wintery light…
Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast

Autumn is also a time of drawing in, planning for the season to come, and putting seeds in the ground so that crops will grow with the coming raining season. For me autumn is also a time to slow down. After the rush of summer, we realize that we are coming toward the end of the year and it is a time to reflect, contemplate, and care for oneself.

Of course, with the Covid pandemic these past two years, it has been hard to define what is normal. Even when we try, it all changes. But in the midst of chaos, it is important to take a breath and catch up with ourselves and return to rituals that help us ground and center.

This time when some feel S.A.D. is a great time to reconnect with loved ones. Two women on beach embracing and smiling.

I try to slow the pace and take the time to write a gratitude journal, to read a passage in a spiritual or poetry book, make time for my yoga practice, and connect more intentionally with friends I have not seen for a while. Going out in nature and hiking up in the mountains always helps me slow down and reflect on where I am and the year that is coming to a close.

For some couples, autumn can be a powerful time to invest in renewing their connection . After a summer of being busy with kids, family, and life, it could be time to take a deep breathe, reconnect and cultivate closeness in preparation for the coming bustle of the holiday season. If that is you, join us for our November 6-7, 2021, Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop led by Dalia Anderman, LMFT & Owen Marcus in beautiful Nevada City, California. Sign up here.

Use this time that when some feel S.A.D. to reconnect with that special loved one in our Hold Me Tight Couples Workshop.

Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops are based on Dr. Sue Johnson’s Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT) which draws on attachment and how it shapes our intimate connections. Read a description of the workshop on the Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop page, or in this article I wrote.

Whether you come to deal with painful issues such as infidelity and affairs, to understand the negative cycles you find yourselves caught up in, to enhance what is good in your partnership, or to find tools to communicate better, our Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop is a safe place to understand your relationship, learn how to reach for each other in times of need, and learn how to be vulnerable with each other.
We have just a couple more spaces open. Sign up here.

If we cannot accommodate you in this upcoming workshop, we will be sure to add you to our waiting list and notify you as soon as we schedule the next one.

I’m hoping we all have a safe and beautiful autumn season of reflection, extra self-care and renewed connection with our loved ones.

Much love,
~Dalia

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Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson, founder and originator of Emotionally Focused Therapy.

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