Lasting new year's resolutions

Happy New Year to us all!

A new year … a fresh, clean start! It’s like having a big white sheet of paper to draw on!

A day full of possibilities!

“It’s a magical world, Hobbes, ol’ buddy … let’s go exploring!”

As I watch the final count-down to the end of the year, memories of the last year flash by.  I go back in my mind to all those times of surprises, expectations, hopes, dreams.. and disappointments, fears, hurts, upsets.. it is all part of my scanning and recall of the year that has passed and is now a memory.

When that magical moment of the clock striking midnight, amidst fireworks, kisses, silence, contemplation, and meditation, there is also those wished for the New Year. A Happy New Year.

For me, as for many of us, it is also a time for those famous New Year Resolutions. The problem with those resolutions, those promises to our selves and to our loved ones, is that it is so hard to follow through. All those hopes, good intentions, and wishes, end up making us feeling defeated, as they fade away into being too busy, too over whelmed, or just forgetting and forgoing..

Brene Brown, author, researcher and public speaker writes, “for many of us, the new year brings with it feelings of hope and new possibilities.” Brown asks:

• What do we want more of in our lives?
• Is it time to let go of the things that no longer serve us?
• How can we feel more alive, more authentic, more comfortable in our skin?

Brown adds: we often make resolutions and set expectations without doing the necessary reality-checking and without asking ourselves some tough questions:

1. I may want something different in my life, but if I don’t have new skills or a new lens to see old problems, will things really change?
2. Change always feels vulnerable. Can I do this alone or do I need support and community?
3. And the big one… are there needs and fears embedded in these resolutions that need more unpacking before I launch into change?

These questions are important to ask, and by asking them, they help us to go deeper into ourselves to understand what the real changes are that we are seeking and where our obstacles lie along our path to getting where you want to go. It is important to understand the underlying emotions, beliefs, hurts and fears that sabotage our wish to make changes and block the possibilities to reach our goals and resolutions.

Understanding ourselves involves identifying those emotional blocks that sabotage and hijack us from reaching our destinations.  Uncovering those (at times, subconscious or hidden) blocks and discovering what prevents us from achieving our goals, can then help lead us to breakthroughs and give us the freedom to move forward.

In a way, in order to be able to follow through with any goal, aim, or New Year’s Resolution, we need to know where we want to go, and what are the obstacles to getting there, so that we can set ourselves on the right path. Creating positive long-lasting and secure changes in our lives is like creating new trails in the landscape of our lives. Neuro-science can now confirm that we are actually creating new neural pathways in our brain, developing new positive habits and long-enduring changes.

In the period following New Year, I also see an increase in my practice of couples hoping to create a new relationship in the new year.

During this transition into the New Year, many couples and relationships also go through a similar process. and ask themselves:

• What kind of relationship do we want in the New Year?
• What resolutions to change do we promise ourselves and our partner?
• How do I want to show up in this relationship, and what changes am I hoping for?
• What are the obstacles to getting to where we want to be?