Happy belated Valentine’s Day,
You might think that as a couple’s therapist, I would be a fan of this day, celebrating Valentine’s Day with an oomph. That I would welcome it with cards, balloons, chocolates, and roses.
But the truth is…it is not a favorite holiday day of mine.
For years I have written a seasonal blog titled, Are the ‘Reds’ of Valentine’s Day Giving you the ‘Blues’? In it I write, “On the one hand, I’m glad we’re celebrating a day of LOVE; it’s a celebration of a very important concept in our lives, if not one of the most important concepts in our lives! On the other hand, there can be many mixed emotions surrounding this holiday”
‘[F]or many of us, Valentine’s Day is stressful! There are many expectations, and with them, the potential for failure. We may feel apprehensive, and we may experience old fears, such as memories of abandonment, betrayal, rejection, and disappointment. “Will I matter to you?” “Will I get it right” “Will I ever be good enough?“‘
And then, there are those of us who dread this day because they do not have a “valentine,” and maybe “something is wrong with me?”
But Truth is, that LOVE is not reserved for romantic love, or even a for a pair bonding. When I looked for pics for this blog i typed, “love,” and I typed “Valentine’s Day,” and some of the results are what you are seeing right now.
Love is so much more then romantic love. It could be a sense of belonging, a secure connection, a love of a favorite teacher, or an animal that we are so attached to.
Maybe the truth is that we can expand the meaning of LOVE.. As we go through the journey of life, the meaning of love can also change and shift for us individually.
This year, I discovered an even deeper meaning of love for me. It was a love for a country and of a homeland, and the love for my people there that I so care about. In October 7, 2023 when Israel was attacked on its southern border and hundreds were killed, I felt my heart break. And as the war expanded, and more people’s lives were lost on all sides, I felt my heart break even further. Feeling that pain and having recently returned from a trip to Israel, the love of people, country and homeland are the most present for me this Valentine’s Day.
Where there is love there is life.
Mahatma Gandhi
Romantic Love & Valentine’s Day
Of course, with all of the different types of love, there is always room for romantic love around Valentine’s Day. It is indeed a holiday for lovers and a celebration of relationships and romantic love!
As a couples therapist, I spend my days helping couples understand their relationships. I help them repair, injuries, learn to forgive, set goals, make agreements and commitments, get vulnerable, share fears, longings, and hopes.
At times I help them to decide whether they want to stay together. A tough decision no matter the status of the relationship.
Over the more then two decades of doing this work, I have often wondered about the meaning of love. Tried to make sense of the difference between love, lust, emotional and physical attractions, and also ‘how do we fall in love.
It turns out that I am not the only one with these questions. Psychologist Arthur Aron developed a list of 36 questions as part of a 1997 study at the State University of New York at Stony Brook to see if intimacy could be accelerated between strangers. It was later popularized in Mandy Len Catron’s New York Times article, To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This.
You can go on your own adventure of discovery with a loved one with this list of 36 questions built for bringing you together. Find an easy access list here!
The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings
Arthur Aron, Edward Melinat, Elaine N. Aron, Robert Darrin Vallone, and Renee J. Bator
Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin
First published April 1, 1997
Upcoming Workshops Announcements
Nevada City, CA – Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop
–Date: April 27-28, 2024
–Price: $1045 per couple ($945 early bird pricing through 4/1/24)
-Register Here
Costa Rica – Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat
–Date: Valentines 2025 (Feb 11-16)
-View Accommodation or Book a Free Consultation
At our Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops and retreats, you and your partner will learn and experience how to:
- Affirm strengths in your relationship by developing understanding and bonding
- Address negative cycle patterns, learn why they show up, and how to get out of them
- Learn how to repair and forgive injuries, and become vulnerable with each other
- Enhance your emotional, physical, and SEXUAL closeness and INTIMACY
Don’t miss these unique opportunities that have helped many couples find the way back to a secure and connected romantic relationship. We keep the groups small and intimate, and our workshops are open to all Couples.
We regularly sell out workshops, so if you have questions about the workshop or about the work I do, please feel free to contact me.
In gratitude and love to all of you,
~Dalia
Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson.