Dalia Anderman, LMFT

Emotional Focus Therapy

reconnect

Loneliness and how to move through it.

Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops

Dear Readers,

I came across a brief article a few months back about how many young people are turning to AI for companionship and often times romantic connection. Lonliness 2.0, in The Week, is not a research article, but it does illustrate how big the companionship and connection gap is for so many of us. Needless to say, this is something I hear a lot about in my practice as a psychotherapist, and it is heartbreaking.

Labeled an epidemic by the US Surgeon General in 2023, loneliness is experience by a significant proportion of the US population. An October 2024 Gallup poll showed ‘”Twenty percent of U.S. adults…feeling loneliness “a lot of the day yesterday.”

Harvard Graduate School of Education’s article, What is Causing Our Epidemic of Loneliness and How Can We Fix It? reports an even higher number of 29% of adults aged 35-44 feeling lonely while showing that loneliness effects people across the age, racial, gender, income and education spectrum.

There are many reasons for feeling lonely. Geographic separation, lack of community, health and mental health contributors, grieving the loss of a loved one, in addition to more practical scenarios of working too many hours, difficulty meeting new people, family stress, financial stress, or even just not knowing how to connect. The list is long.

I have at times found myself sucked into spending too much time on a screen, endlessly and getting scrolling in trying to get a connection fix via my computer or phone, which leaves me feeling more lonely.

What I’ve noticed as a therapist, is that more than any other factor causing us to experience loneliness, the loss of emotional connection, is the most common. About this, Dr. Sue Johnson, a leading innovator in couple therapy and the developer of Emotional Focused Therapy, says:

We are bonding mammals. When our loved one is emotionally unreachable, we protest, we panic, and then we shut down. Disconnection is coded by the brain as danger.

EFT therapy, HMT

A perceived sense of threat associated with disconnection can initiate a cascade of stress, fear, and anxiety, activating the autonomic nervous system’s survival responses—fight, flight, or freeze—and, in some cases, contribute to states of helplessness or hopelessness.

For me, when that nagging feeling of loneliness starts to creep in, I know that I need to connect. It’s not always an easy task when I feel down or sad. I have stories about it being needy, but I know that if I do not connect, taking action to address it will only get harder.

Connection can come in so many forms. We can reach out to a friend, a family member, or a colleague; We can call a hotline, or when needed reach to a therapist a counselor or other mental health provider. At times, walking outside and connecting with nature can bring us relief. Smelling the air and breathing deeply can help to regulate our nervous system, and help us feel more connected to ourselves. The most important part is that we take the step to reach out.

In the long term, finding and engaging with purpose through work or volunteer efforts, planning a trip to see a new perspective, or even going back to school and changing careers can help us reconnect.

Loneliness decreases when we feel belonging. Treat loneliness as a signal, not a sentence. It’s your nervous system saying, “I want connection.” It’s not a sign that something is wrong with you, it’s a sign you’re human.

It is also important to be aware of the times of year when we may experience more loneliness. This could be around the fall season and our move into winter, or around the holidays, with everything that they bring up for each of us. Take steps to keep your mood and motivation steady throughout the year. If you experience S.A.D. in the fall or winter, there are treatment options such as light therapy (phototherapy), psychotherapy, warm long bath, exercise (of course), and at times supplements such as Vitamin D, or medications that can help.

Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat

If you are feeling lonely in your relationship, and desire to reignite your love and strengthen your bond, we are traveling to Costa Rica in April for another Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat (April 16-21st, 2026) at the beautiful Imiloa Institute.

Our Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat is designed to help couples rekindle connection and offers a unique and intensive healing experience designed to move couples out of disconnection and into a place of love, understanding, and hope. It is also a time to celebrate your relationship and take time for play, joy, and intimacy.

Building on Sue Johnson’s EFT, Owen and myself have paired attachment science with polyvagal-informed somatic practices so each partner can downshift physiology, unlearn protective patterns, and relearn the natural skills we were never taught—soothing, signaling safety, and reaching. 

Utilizing our combined experience in the beautiful surrounds of luscious Costa Rica, we offer couples a unique, integrative, deep dive, into their relationship and how to enhance secure connection. You will learn how to understand and improve your relationship with presentations by the workshop leaders, private exercises and conversations with your partner, and by watching video demonstrations of other couples. However, this isn’t group therapy and all dialogues with your partner will be done in private. Confidentiality and comfort are of upmost importance.

Here is what last year’s participants are saying.

It is hard to summarize the magic Kevin and I are taking home to implement in our marriage. Dalia and Owen have a gift that every couple needs to experience. I am so thankful for this experience and will treasure it in my heart and my memory forever. – Casey P.  (LA)

If you are a man who has a partner asking you to open up, to be more of yourself in your relationship – then don’t even hesitate to experience Hold Me Tight. You will come away with a whole new perspective on yourself and leave with real tools to transform and live your life much more fully. – Craig C.  (CA)

My wife and I just returned from the Hold Me Tight retreat in Costa Rica. Let me just say, Wow! This was life changing. First of all, the place, Imiloa, is amazing up in the jungle. The food is what I would call gourmet vegetarian, nothing processed. They serve fresh juices and fruit alongside every delicious meal. The HMT content really helped my wife and I break through some of our deepest challenges and reconnect in a way I’m not sure we even knew was possible. We feel more committed to each other now more than ever. We would go back to HMT in a minute! Thanks, Dalia! – Doug R. (NY)

Register or Learn more at:
Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat – Costa Rica April 16-21, 2026

If you have still have questions or just want to get a feel for how we work, we offer a free 30-minute consultation where we can chat about any questions or concerns. To book a consultation, please fill out our brief questionnaire, and we will be in touch. We welcome all couples, and we keep the retreat small to ensure privacy, safety, and personal attention.

In addition, please do not hesitate to contact me privately by email at dalia@daliaanderman.com, or call or text my cell: 530.218.2721.

In gratitude and love to all of you,
~Dalia


P: 530-692-0680
DIRECT EMAIL, or via
CONTACT FORM


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Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson, founder and originator of Emotionally Focused Therapy.

Can Traveling Re*inspire a Relationship?

Couples Intensive, Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops

Dear Readers,

Those of you that know me know that traveling has been a lifelong passion of mine. I have always felt curious about the world around me, and especially what lies beyond the usual boundaries of my world. Even when it is challenging and involves pushing my physical or psychological limits, I’ve pushed myself to expand both my abilities and horizons.

Not all those who wander are lost. J.R.R. Tolkien

As a teenager, I would go exploring, taking walks or hikes out in nature or taking the but so somewhere new for an adventure. What began as a way to get away from the chaos at home developed into a sense of wonder & wanderlust.

In my early 20’s, when I finished my military service in Israel, I packed a small backpack and booked a flight to Amsterdam to begin my exploration of Europe. Little did I know, that trip would start me on a decades long journey traveling through many countries and eventually making my home in the United States. I still travel frequently.

While becoming a psychotherapist, a mentor of mine pointed out to me that the word relationship is made up of two words: “Relation” and “Ship” which translate to “How are we relating and where is this ship going.” It became my professional passion to help guide couples as they navigate these two realms.

As a therapist, I work with couples who get stuck. One way to look at my work is helping couples move through their stuck-ness. And what better way is there to get unstuck than to change the scenery and get a new perspective?

Although we take ourselves wherever we go, travel of any proportion is an opportunity to leave some of the known behind to reset our perspective, and embark on a discovery of ourselves and our partner through new eyes against a different backdrop.

Couples tell me over and over that although they still love each other, they have gotten so wrapped up in family, kids, professional demands, bills and finances, and other obligations that they have forgotten what it is like to be a romantic, intimate, and sexual couple.

That is a normal response to the complexities of modern life, but if we do not take time to nurture and nourish our relation-ship, we start to feel distanced and disconnected. Many couples can begin to feel as if they are just roommates and co-parents while longing for that intimate, sexual, romantic, and vulnerable bond.

For many couples I work with, it is hard to find the mood, space, and excitement, for the intimacy, and sexuality, they are missing in their relationship. One of them told me recently that for them, the word ‘hotel’.. is an aphrodisiac.. they go away to a weekend in a hotel, so they can reignite the erotic sexuality they once celebrated in their connection. Being in a new environment, with no interruption, and the space to explore and not be in a hurry, gives them the time and space they needed to find intimacy again.

Although travel itself can be stressful, taking time away to reconnect is essential. It can be a weekend way in a beautiful place, a long weekend hiking, or a longer “real vacation” to reignite the magic and connection in the relationship.

The idea for this post goes back to March, when in one of my many travel mailing lists, I read an article titled Can Travel Cure a Broken Heart by Jessica Burrell on CNTraveler.com.

“…travel doesn’t necessarily mean we’re running away from our problems. “Broadly speaking, travel can be a very helpful way of processing heartbreak.” [where] “we oscillate between confronting and avoiding the loss, which is actually really healthy at the end of a relationship.”

Jessica Burrell quoting Dr Theresa Schwaiger, a clinical psychologist at London-based The Soke.

“There is no ‘cure’ for heartbreak, and travel cannot magically erase the pain.” But it can help us get out there and explore our complex interior life against a shifting external world, allowing us to process our emotions in a context that differs from the everyday.

Jessica Burrell quoting Chance Marshall, co-founder of mental health service Self Space.

And for those of you in need of inspiration and who want to take an adventure while holding space for your relationship, come join us in beautiful Costa Rica with your love one at our Valentines ’25 Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat hosted by the Imiloa Institute.

Imagine, its Valentine Day 2025, and you’re at a couples retreat that is luxurious in a different kind of way, not posh, but authentic, and rich with care, attention to every details, locally sourced, and in the midst of the lush, nurturing Costa Rican jungle. A perfect setting to reignite, upgrade, and repair your relationships.

Facilitating this retreat alongside myself will be Owen Marcus, MA, author, workshop facilitator, co-founder of EVRYMAN, and TEDxTalk presenter on Masculine Emotional Intelligence. (Owen’s TEDX talk)

With a rich background in leading men’s groups and trainings across the country, Owen specializes in guiding men to embrace vulnerability. His expertise extends to working with couples, and he has shared his methods with a diverse audience, including therapists, NGOs, and major tech firms like Google. Owen’s deep experience and innovative approach, honed through co-founding EVRYMAN and now co-leading his latest venture, MELD, promises to significantly enrich the dynamics of the workshop.

This retreat will be packed with educational information and presentations including experiential exercises, communication skills, somatic practices, gender groups, fun activities and much more. Processing is done in the privacy of your relationship, and when we connect as a group, sharing is optional. This is a great opportunity to have a deeper and vulnerable look at your relationship.

Participants will learn how to:

  • Affirm strengths in the relationship through understanding, communication, and bonding.
  • Address negative cycle patterns, and learn why they show up, and how to get out of them.
  • Learn how to repair and forgive injuries, and become vulnerable with each other. 
  • Enhance emotional, physical, and sexual closeness and intimacy.
Register here

Valentines ’25 in Costa Rica
Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat
We keep our workshops small to ensure privacy, safety, and personal attention.
Space is limited. We welcome all couples!!

(Please FORWARD to anyone you think will benefit from this work.)

In gratitude and love to all of you,
~Dalia


P: 530-692-0680
DIRECT EMAIL, or via
CONTACT FORM


Facebook | HOLD ME TIGHT® WORKSHOPS

Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson, founder and originator of Emotionally Focused Therapy.

Are we there yet? Taking time out.

Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops, Individual Therapy

Dear Reader,

Time is a sort of river of passing events, and strong is its current; no sooner is a thing brought to sight than it is swept by and another takes its place, and this too will be swept away.

Marcus Aurelius

When I was younger, I remember we use to have calendars where you ripped off a page every day. Even then I remember being fascinated with how time went by; I looked forward to tearing off yesterday’s page and looked forward to what the next page/day looked like. I also remember that time stretched out, and moved slowly. Now it seems that those same days are going by ever so fast, and that my unit of time is more a month, rather than a day.

When Time Took Over, by Carl Mautz.
When Time Took Over, by Carl Mautz.

A special Thank You to my friend Carl Mautz for the use of his watch collages in this blog post. The feature image is his Swimming For Time.

At present, it is already the beginning of August 2022. More than two third of the year 2022 is already past by. When and how did that happen? Time goes by so fast that it feels surreal. Is there a brake pedal on this ride?!

One reason I love to travel so much is that it slows down time. Taken out of our routines and patterns by the new and unusual we sink deeper into our curiosity and our experience of our present moment.

At times I even prescribe “travel therapy” for myself and my clients. For myself it helps with boredom, confusion, heartbreaks, and even grief, anxiety, and depression. Being out in the world reminds me to look up and see what an incredible and unique gift life is.

Dalia taking time out in Grand Tetons National Park.

I recently got to take a travel time out. In these last few years of the pandemic, I found myself working a lot, as the need was so high, the stress intense and many needing help. But as I felt myself getting burned out, I knew I needed some mountain medicine. I went on a camping/hiking journey in the Grand Tetons National Park. Breathing that mountain air, watching nature unfold, meeting bears, moose and herds of elks reminded me how important it is to allow time to slow down, and to connect with myself. I came back to my office rejuvenated and more hopeful.

Taking some time out to attend to what we deeply long for, be it alone time, family time, nature, or a meditation retreat is essential to our well being and mental health. Please take some good care of yourself as we all need time out.

Cycles of Time, by Carl Mautz.
Cycles of Time, by Carl Mautz

And speaking of time passing, finally, after a long absence and a few cancellations due to the pandemic we were able to have an in person Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop here in Nevada City, California last month.

It was like watching a miracle over the weekend as couples broke down their walls, took the risk of deepening vulnerably, opened to each other and created new pathways for connection, communication, and secure attachment bonding.

During the closing ritual of our Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop, the transformation in the room was so present and powerful. Once again, I am awe struck with immense gratitude for Dr. Sue Johnson who embarked on this journey of figuring out the obstacles to secure attachments and how to form long lasting bonding connections with our loved ones.

Nov. 19 & 20th, ’22 Hold Me Tight® Workshop in Nevada City, CA.
We Invite and Welcome all Couples! We keep our workshops small to ensure privacy, safety, and personal attention. Spaces are very limited.
Read about or register here.

Our Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops are an intimate and safe place where couples can find the opportunity to open up to each other in a vulnerable way about the changes they long for in their relationship.

In these Workshops, you can:
• Forgive old injuries and heal wounds of abandonment, rejection, and betrayal.
• Access the underlying emotions in the negative cycle you get caught in over and over. 
• Revisit past events that have become unresolved issues, and create change events.
• Talk about sex, intimacy, and what is blocking you from living your full sexual potential.
• Create rituals and talk about how to maintain the breakthroughs of the weekend.

Workshop Participants are saying…

Fantastic workshop. Great blend of genuine facilitation and 1:1 time.  Deep knowledge and guidance conveyed simply and accessibly.  Loved the depth of content, the clips, the binder, the small group, the balance between facilitation and couple work, also very thoughtful to have time with the facilitators.

Thank you Dalia and Owen, you pushed us to go deep, we trusted, and we gained so much understanding of one another that will greatly benefit and enhance the growth of our relationship and love.

You can also contact me via the direct email link below.
Looking forward to hearing from you,

~Dalia

P: 530-692-0680
DIRECT EMAIL, or via
CONTACT FORM


Facebook | HOLD ME TIGHT® WORKSHOPS

Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop

Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops

In Person,
Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop
Nevada City, California · July 9-10, 2022

Dear readers, colleagues, and friends,

Many of you have been inquiring and waiting for our next Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop. Well, our in person, couples retreat is coming to Nevada City CA in July 2022!!!

This pandemic has been a long time of uncertainty, fear, isolation, shut down, and other struggles. Many of you have written to us about our Connection in time of Isolation webinar and have shared how helpful it was during the lock down to have new ways to connect and communicate with your partners.

As a therapist, I have witnessed how much stress couples have endured during these hard last few years. Whether economics, child care, lack of alone time, or intimate space, or just the stress of the uncertainty, many of us have pushed the limits of our relationships.

Our Hold Me Tight® couples workshops are an intimate and safe place where couples can find the opportunity to open up to each other in a vulnerable way about the changes they long for in their relationship.

With the workshop’s strong, safe, well designed, and practiced structure, you will be able to open up to your partner and to your relationship. Together, you will explore and understand the barriers to the love, care, intimacy, and sexual sacredness that you once shared and both long for.

In these Workshops, you can:

• Forgive old injuries and heal wounds of abandonment, rejection, and betrayal.
• Access the underlying emotions in the negative cycle you get caught in over and over. 
• Revisit past events that have become unresolved issues, and create change events.
• Talk about sex, intimacy, and what is blocking you from living your full sexual potential.
• Create rituals and talk about how to maintain the breakthroughs of the weekend.

We Invite and Welcome all Couples!

What is included in the workshop?

• A workbook full of information, education, guidance, and helpful exercises.
• Engaging presentations, video demonstrations of other real life couples, communication and experiential exercises, and the opportunity for many private exercises and conversations with your partner.
• Owen Marcus and Dalia Anderman will be available to give you personal time, support, and guidance as needed throughout the weekend.
• An amazing opportunity to take a time-out from your rushed life, for your sacred intimacy!!!
• We provide continental breakfast, coffee, fruit, tea and healthy light snacks throughout the day.

What’s not included.
• Lunch is on your own. Please feel free to bring your own snacks and drinks as well (We are located in Grass Valley near cafes, restaurant and delis).
• Accommodation is not included in the cost of the weekend. Some couples find it a unique opportunity to make the weekend into a retreat. There are a lot of sweet unique Airbnb’s and hotels in our beautiful town. We will be happy to share some suggestions with you.

We keep our workshops small to ensure privacy, safety, and personal attention.
Spaces are very limited. Click here for more information and registration.

You can also contact me via the direct email link below.
Looking forward to hearing from you,

Dalia

P: 530-692-0680
DIRECT EMAIL, or via
CONTACT FORM


Facebook | HOLD ME TIGHT® WORKSHOPS

Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson.