relationship

Can Traveling Re*inspire a Relationship?

Couples Intensive, Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops

Dear Readers,

Those of you that know me know that traveling has been a lifelong passion of mine. I have always felt curious about the world around me, and especially what lies beyond the usual boundaries of my world. Even when it is challenging and involves pushing my physical or psychological limits, I’ve pushed myself to expand both my abilities and horizons.

Not all those who wander are lost. J.R.R. Tolkien

As a teenager, I would go exploring, taking walks or hikes out in nature or taking the but so somewhere new for an adventure. What began as a way to get away from the chaos at home developed into a sense of wonder & wanderlust.

In my early 20’s, when I finished my military service in Israel, I packed a small backpack and booked a flight to Amsterdam to begin my exploration of Europe. Little did I know, that trip would start me on a decades long journey traveling through many countries and eventually making my home in the United States. I still travel frequently.

While becoming a psychotherapist, a mentor of mine pointed out to me that the word relationship is made up of two words: “Relation” and “Ship” which translate to “How are we relating and where is this ship going.” It became my professional passion to help guide couples as they navigate these two realms.

As a therapist, I work with couples who get stuck. One way to look at my work is helping couples move through their stuck-ness. And what better way is there to get unstuck than to change the scenery and get a new perspective?

Although we take ourselves wherever we go, travel of any proportion is an opportunity to leave some of the known behind to reset our perspective, and embark on a discovery of ourselves and our partner through new eyes against a different backdrop.

Couples tell me over and over that although they still love each other, they have gotten so wrapped up in family, kids, professional demands, bills and finances, and other obligations that they have forgotten what it is like to be a romantic, intimate, and sexual couple.

That is a normal response to the complexities of modern life, but if we do not take time to nurture and nourish our relation-ship, we start to feel distanced and disconnected. Many couples can begin to feel as if they are just roommates and co-parents while longing for that intimate, sexual, romantic, and vulnerable bond.

For many couples I work with, it is hard to find the mood, space, and excitement, for the intimacy, and sexuality, they are missing in their relationship. One of them told me recently that for them, the word ‘hotel’.. is an aphrodisiac.. they go away to a weekend in a hotel, so they can reignite the erotic sexuality they once celebrated in their connection. Being in a new environment, with no interruption, and the space to explore and not be in a hurry, gives them the time and space they needed to find intimacy again.

Although travel itself can be stressful, taking time away to reconnect is essential. It can be a weekend way in a beautiful place, a long weekend hiking, or a longer “real vacation” to reignite the magic and connection in the relationship.

The idea for this post goes back to March, when in one of my many travel mailing lists, I read an article titled Can Travel Cure a Broken Heart by Jessica Burrell on CNTraveler.com.

“…travel doesn’t necessarily mean we’re running away from our problems. “Broadly speaking, travel can be a very helpful way of processing heartbreak.” [where] “we oscillate between confronting and avoiding the loss, which is actually really healthy at the end of a relationship.”
Jessica Burrell quoting Dr Theresa Schwaiger, a clinical psychologist at London-based The Soke.

“There is no ‘cure’ for heartbreak, and travel cannot magically erase the pain.” But it can help us get out there and explore our complex interior life against a shifting external world, allowing us to process our emotions in a context that differs from the everyday.
Jessica Burrell quoting Chance Marshall, co-founder of mental health service Self Space.

And for those of you in need of inspiration and who want to take an adventure while holding space for your relationship, come join us in beautiful Costa Rica with your love one at our Valentines ’25 Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat hosted by the Imiloa Institute.

Imagine, its Valentine Day 2025, and you’re at a couples retreat that is luxurious in a different kind of way, not posh, but authentic, and rich with care, attention to every details, locally sourced, and in the midst of the lush, nurturing Costa Rican jungle. A perfect setting to reignite, upgrade, and repair your relationships.

Facilitating this retreat alongside myself will be Owen Marcus, MA, author, workshop facilitator, co-founder of EVRYMAN, and TEDxTalk presenter on Masculine Emotional Intelligence. (Owen’s TEDX talk)

With a rich background in leading men’s groups and trainings across the country, Owen specializes in guiding men to embrace vulnerability. His expertise extends to working with couples, and he has shared his methods with a diverse audience, including therapists, NGOs, and major tech firms like Google. Owen’s deep experience and innovative approach, honed through co-founding EVRYMAN and now co-leading his latest venture, MELD, promises to significantly enrich the dynamics of the workshop.

This retreat will be packed with educational information and presentations including experiential exercises, communication skills, somatic practices, gender groups, fun activities and much more. Processing is done in the privacy of your relationship, and when we connect as a group, sharing is optional. This is a great opportunity to have a deeper and vulnerable look at your relationship.

Participants will learn how to:

Affirm strengths in the relationship through understanding, communication, and bonding.
Address negative cycle patterns, and learn why they show up, and how to get out of them.
Learn how to repair and forgive injuries, and become vulnerable with each other.
Enhance emotional, physical, and sexual closeness and intimacy.

Valentines ’25 in Costa Rica
Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat
We keep our workshops small to ensure privacy, safety, and personal attention.
Space is limited. We welcome all couples!!

(Please FORWARD to anyone you think will benefit from this work.)

In gratitude and love to all of you,
~Dalia

P: 530-692-0680
DIRECT EMAIL, or via
CONTACT FORM

Facebook | HOLD ME TIGHT® WORKSHOPS

Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson, founder and originator of Emotionally Focused Therapy.

For You to be Right, I don’t have to be Wrong

Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops

Around the time I entered graduate school for psychotherapy (later in life: for the first part of my professional life, I was a park ranger leading treks into the wilderness), I had become interested in relationships and couple’s therapy.

Was it growing up in a dysfunctional family or in a part of the world torn by conflict (born and raised in Israel)? Or was it because I botched my first marriage and no amount of therapy helped?

Maybe it was all of it combined with a deep sense that there must be a way out of conflict beyond war and breakup that fed my curiosity and determination to find answers. Through the years, I came to see that all relational conflict as a protest to feeling disconnection from a loved one, and most fights are a longing to be connected, safe, seen, and heard.

It’s true that for you to be right, your partner does not need to be wrong, but to access that truth in the moment, we need to be able to communicate, connect, and talk about it. We need to find ways to invite our partner into connection before we get pulled into the Right/Wrong, Shame/Blame, negative dance.

Distressed relationships are always the same all over the world at every age. Where are you? Where are you? Do you care about me? Do I matter to you? Will you respond to me? Will you be there when I’m vulnerable? Am I safe with you? Where are you? Where are you? And when the answer is, “I’m here,” you can deal with almost anything.
Dr. Sue Johnson

>>> Listen to Dr. Sue Johnson interviewed (quoted above).

A beloved mentor of mine once told me that relationships are made up of two words: “Relation” and “Ship” which translate to “How are we relating and where is this ship going.”

As a couple, we must make sure that we are giving time to both aspects of our relationship. We need to ensure that our “relation” includes time with each other, good communication, vulnerable sharing, transparency, authenticity, affection, intimacy, and so much more.

For the second half, we also need to be vigilant with our rituals of checking in about the direction we are going or where we are “steering the ship.” This might include making adjustments around being aware of safety, direction, shared visions, and co-facilitating.

Like so much else in our lives, our relation-ship needs constant maintenance. We must give it attention and care so it will continue to thrive. For some couples it may look like a weekly date night, just the two of you going away for a weekend alone, or maintaining a regular practice of listening to audio books, podcasts, or seminars about relationships.

Conflict & Disconnection

All couples face periods of conflict and disconnection, and at times ask the question, “What happened to our relationship?” It is not uncommon for partners to feel stuck and unable to communicate effectively or resolve conflicts, sometimes even for years. These negative patterns can strain the relationship to its breaking point.

Research reveals that Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, can significantly improve distressed relationships.

>>> Listen to Dr. Sue Johnson interviewed (quoted below).

If you dance with somebody, they’re going to step on your feet. They’re going to go left when you expect them to go right. It’s just the way it is. The point is, in a good relationship, you can recognize what’s happened and you can tune in and you can repair it. It’s emotional responsiveness. That’s the basis of a secure bond. Emotional isolation is traumatizing for human beings. You’re not wired for it. It’s a danger cue for your nervous system.
Dr. Sue Johnson

As a couple therapist, I have found Sue’s Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) to be the most effective, profound, exact, and helpful approach for couples to find their way back to connection. I am so sad to have lost her (announcement below), and am committed to carrying forth her life’s work.

It is with profound sadness that we announce the passing of Dr. Sue Johnson on April 23, 2024. Dr. Johnson was a beloved teacher, therapist, author, and the pioneering innovator of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). Her remarkable contributions have left an indelible mark on the field of therapy and the lives of countless individuals, couples, and families worldwide.
Read more

Hold Me Tight® Couple Workshops 2.0

For over a decade I have been offering our Hold Me Tight® Couple Workshops here in Nevada City, California. Hundreds of couples have found new ways to reconnect and reignite their relationships.

Many of you, over the years, have asked me if we will ever offer a Hold Me Tight® Couples workshop 2.0 and I am excited about our new edge in couples work, our Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat in Costa Rica at the Imiloa Institute (Feb 11-16, 2025).

We invite you and your partner, to reignite your relationship, in the midst of the lush jungle and magnificent beauty of Costa Rica. Come join us with the toucans, sloths, monkeys, and butterflies and your partner in Costa Rica for a Special surprise celebration of Valentine’s Day, 2025 ♥️♥️♥️.

Retreat includes:

Accommodations – five nights and six days of accommodation at Imiloa Eco-luxury Retreat Center.
Charter Flight from SJO (San Jose, Costa Rica) to a small airport close to the retreat center.
Plant-based, organic, locally sourced, gourmet meals created by a 5-star master chef.
A campus fully devoted to our retreat, tucked in the Costa Rica jungle.
IMILOA Shuttle Service all-inclusive luxury SUV ground transportation.
Access to a private waterfall, miles of nature paths, incredible flora and fauna, and an ocean view infinity pool.
Yoga classes thought by the local instructors.
Access to an online resource library.
A workbook full with conversations and communication exercises, a skill building toolkit, and much more.
Special excursions & magical surprises.

A New Chapter in your Relationship

During this couples retreat you and your partner will benefit from over two decades of my work as a couples therapist utilizing Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and leading Hold Me Tight® Couples workshops in understanding the patterns of attachment in the dance of relationship.

You will also benefit from Owen Marcus’ decades of experience working with men’s emotional intelligence, as well as his understanding and unique lens detailed in his book Grow Up: A Man’s Guide to Masculine Emotional Intelligence and TEDxTalk presentation on Masculine Emotional Intelligence. Owen specializes in guiding men to embrace vulnerability. His expertise extends to working with couples and he has shared his methods with diverse audiences including therapists, NGOs, and major tech firms like Google. Owen’s deep experience and innovative approach, honed through co-founding EVRYMAN and now co-leading his latest venture MELD, promise to significantly enrich the dynamics of this workshop.

At our Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat, you will learn how to:

Move out of negative cycles that keep you feeling stuck and alone.
Make sense of your own, as well as your partner’s, emotions.
Forgive injuries that keep you from really opening up to your partner.
Communicate your emotional needs for connection where there has been abandonment and betrayal.

During and after our retreat you will be able to:

Establish a secure and intimate bond with one another.
Restore commitment and hope.
Decrease conflict, isolation, distance, and loneliness.
Learn to manage intense and negative emotion.
Rebuild safety and trust.
Find a way back to the passion, sexual connection, and intimacy you once shared.

We are happy to answer any questions you might have about our Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat during a free consultation. Please fill out our brief questionnaire to ensure we tailor this consultation to your needs and help us make the most of our 30-minute session together.

Our Workshops Are Open to ALL Couples.
Please share this page with anyone you think will benefit from our work.

Responses from our last Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop.

Though I love my husband dearly, I’d given up trying to repair and restore our relationship and marriage. I’d filed for divorce. As a last ditch effort, I agreed to attend Dalia’s and Owen’s Hold Me Tight workshop. I was skeptical that this would work. But, it did! Without publicly airing our dirty laundry, we learned to listen to each other. Where I’d felt my emotional pain was unheard and unvalidated, I now felt the longed-for connections begin to establish themselves. We have a lot of work ahead, but the workshop has provided a solid foundation and framework to continue the hard work required to heal and restore our commitment to each other. The results of our work during those two days were enough for me to decide to dismiss my divorce proceedings. If you have any desire to save your relationship, I highly recommend Dalia’s and Owen’s Hold Me Tight workshop!
Ramona H

My spouse and I had the opportunity to participate in a recent “Hold Me Tight” retreat with Dalia. I was apprehensive at first as we were referred to the program by a therapist. I am so glad we went. Dalia and her co-facilitators instantly made us feel comfortable. Being with 9 other couples helped me realize that my marriage isn’t broken and we aren’t doing this all wrong. It helped me realize that there are other people also wondering how to be better; how to communicate in a way that is healthy and sustainable for both of us. My spouse and I plan to revisit and attend another retreat in a couple of years because we got so much out of it. I am confident that moving forward he and I will have an easier time communicating our needs to one another, listening to the underlying messages, and ultimately caring for and loving each other for many years to come. Thank you Dalia, Owen, and Stephanie for being real, honest, and experts in the field of love and marriage. We are so thankful.
Darby G

In gratitude and love to all of you,
~Dalia

P: 530-692-0680
DIRECT EMAIL, or via
CONTACT FORM

Facebook | HOLD ME TIGHT® WORKSHOPS

_{Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson, founder and originator of Emotionally Focused Therapy.}

Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat

Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops

Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop
Nevada City, California, January 29-30, 2022
We Invite and Welcome all Couples!

Dear readers, colleagues, and friends,

Many of you have been asking and waiting for our Hold Me Tight® couples workshops to reopen. Well, our first is finally here (and in person).

The pandemic has been a long time of uncertainty, fear, isolation, shut down, and other struggles. Many of you have written to us about our Connection in time of Isolation webinar and have shared how helpful it was during the lock down to have new ways to connect and communicate with your partners.

I am excited to announce that Owen Marcus, MA, author, workshop facilitator, co-founder of EVRYMAN, and TEDxTalk presenter on Masculine Emotional Intelligence, will once again be co-leading the workshop with me. (Owen’s TEDX talk: What 10,000 Years Of Progress Has Cost.)

Owen brings with him the width of decades of leading and facilitating men’s group all over the country, helping men access their masculine vulnerability. Owen’s presence, and his work with couples and men, will enhance this upcoming Hold Me Tight workshop. Owen has co-founded, and been intensely involved in EVRYMAN, reaching men all over the world, helping them to access and connect with their deep emotions and vulnerability.

In this Hold Me Tight® couples workshop you will benefit from combining over two decades of my work helping couples to understand and undo the repeated overwhelming negative cycles in their relationships, and Owen Marcus’s decades of understanding, leading, and teaching men how to connect.

Merging the work of adult attachment, researched and modeled in Emotional Focused Therapy, with Owen’s incredible work of helping men to get in touch with themselves and their loved ones allows the potential of deep shifts and lasting change.

This 2-day workshop, gave us more tools and connection then many months of therapy. It allowed my partner and I to open up more directly and deepen our honesty and our intimacy. We were able to witness each other in ways that we didn’t realize were needed or possible. A must for your relationship. Highly recommend.
Recent Participant

Hold Me Tight® Relationship Workshop

Have you been having a hard time in your relationship? Have you felt isolated, lonely, disconnected?

Are you longing for CONNECTION, better communication , romance, and INTIMACY?

BUT instead you:
• Have recurring fights without resolution..
• Lack affection, intimacy or sex..
• Feel alone, lonely, or betrayed..

Do You want to feel more closeness, understanding, and engagement?

Or, are you looking for a beautiful time to enhance your connection and highlight the strengths of your relationship by going deeper and building on the positive foundation that already exist?

This is a great opportunity to have a deeper, intimate, and vulnerable look at your relationship, and develop new emotional, physical, and sexual closeness.

In this workshop you can:

• Forgive old injuries, and heal wounds of abandonment, rejection, and betrayal.
• Access the underlying emotions in the negative cycle you get caught in, over and over.
• Revisit past events that have become unresolved issues, and create change events.
• Talk about sex, intimacy, and what is blocking you from living your full sexual potential.
• Create rituals and talk about how to maintain the breakthroughs of the weekend.

With the workshop’s strong, safe, well designed, and practiced structure, you will be able to open up to your partner and to your relationship. Together you two will explore and understand the barriers to the love, care, intimacy, and sexual sacredness that you once shared and both long for.

What is included in the workshop?

• A workbook full of information, education, guidance, and helpful exercises.
• Engaging presentations, video demonstrations of other real life couples, communication and experiential exercises, and the opportunity for many private exercises and conversations with your partner.
• Owen and Dalia will be available to give you personal time, support, and guidance as needed throughout the weekend.
• An amazing opportunity to take a ‘time-out’ of your rushed life, for your sacred intimacy!!!
• We provide continental breakfast, coffee, fruit, tea and healthy light snacks throughout the day.

What’s not included.
• Lunch is on your own. Please feel free to bring your own snacks and drinks as well (We are located in Grass Valley near cafes, restaurant and delis).
• Accommodation is not included in the cost of the weekend, but some couples find it a unique opportunity to make the weekend into a retreat. There are a lot of sweet unique Airbnb’s and hotels in our beautiful town. We will be happy to share some suggestions with you.

We keep our workshops small to ensure privacy, safety, and personal attention.
Spaces are very limited. Click here for more information and registration

You can also contact me via the direct email link below.
Looking forward to hearing from you,

Dalia

P: 530-692-0680
DIRECT EMAIL, or via
CONTACT FORM

Facebook | HOLD ME TIGHT® WORKSHOPS

Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson, founder and originator of Emotionally Focused Therapy.

Walking the walk in darkness

Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops, Individual Therapy

To My Dearest Readers,

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry in The Little Prince

This week, I was honored to officiate the marriage of a couple whom I have worked with in my therapy practice. I helped a couple in the midst of a breakdown move to a breakthrough. I sat with a couple who dealt with a relapse after years of sobriety, and I held space for a couple who decided to transform their decades long marriage from a romantic pair bond relationship to one of co-parenting and friendship after a long process of therapy. It was not an easy week, and yet, so deep in my heart, I feel the call, the vision, the hope of connection. (Sometimes my clients say I am a hope junky.)

I would not have been able to do all this amazing work that has me feeling so honored, without coming across the work of Dr. Sue Johnson, and becoming an Emotionally Focused Therapist. Those of you who know my work as a Marriage and Family Therapist, know that when I met Dr. Sue Johnson more than 10 years ago, my professional life changed direction. And honestly, so did my own life. You can not fully separate your life as a psychotherapist from your life as a partner, a mother, a friend, and a community member. With this in mind, it’s up to therapists to walk the talk.

At the time, I was already a seasoned psychotherapist using a mix of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Ericksonian hypnotherapy, EMDR, and quite a few others. However, when it came to couples therapy though, I felt that much more was possible. Couples therapy felt complex, it didn’t play by the same rules, and at times I felt lost.

When I met Dr. Sue Johnson at the Psychotherapy NetWorker professional conferences, I knew I had found an answer to my search about how to be more effective in couples therapy. Following her around the conference and listening to every presentations I could, I felt that for the first time I understood what was behind relationship and how to break the code of what was happening in my therapy office. What Sue calls Cracking the Code of Love became clear in how couples in my therapy practice were going through the dance of relationships, protesting, fighting, longing to be heard, seen, and loved.

After more than a decade of training with Sue Johnson and many others in the field of emotionally focused therapy and attachment therapy, the path to healing for couples feels clear to me.

In her recent blog, A meditation on vulnerability, survival, and comfort when there is no escape, Sue shares her deep vulnerability around her recent medical emergency, and the possibility of loosing her eye sight. Today is her surgery and I am finding myself in gratitude, meditation and prayer, for her recovery and well being. I admire her vulnerability, transparency about her fears, her walk with darkness, and her recognition of the need we all have for connection.

Sue, you have thought me to see my couples, to understand how they get caught in their negative cycle, in their perpetual dance. You have helped so many couples to see each other, to see the panic behind the fight, and to translate their partner’s anger and frustration into the fear of disconnection and the longing to connect.

In her blog, Sue’s shares that although there are many forms of meditation, coping, and other survival skills to deal with trauma, illness, shocks, and loss, the deepest sense and help in times of needs is the loving touch of another.

For me, as an attachment theorist and researcher, all these threads tie into and reflect the most basic biological survival code of all: being with another who is present and loving. To be rocked in the arms of a loved one, to feel a loving hand on your face, to hear a soft voice telling you that you are precious and are not alone. This is what our nervous system longs for; This takes us beyond fear and loss. And maybe this is what poets meant when they’ve said, ‘Love is not everything. It’s the ONLY thing.’

Walking the walk, and not just talking the talk, has at times been a challenge for me as a therapist. Over the years, I’ve heard myself saying things to my kids, partners, or friends, when I hear the voice in my head saying , “did you hear that?” As in, “what if my clients heard me?” In my work, I do not try to be perfect, but I strive as hard as I can to be authentic and real.

It is simpler to know and teach this work. It is when you are seeing yourself get caught in the negative cycle and the dance of fight-flight-blame-shame-shutdown-repeat, that true transformation of oneself as a therapist happens. When you’re really ‘becoming’, and ‘walking your talk’.

When in her blog, Sue Johnson shares the intimacy of her fear in this hard and scary moment and what it is to walk the walk in darkness, we understand how the true sense of intimacy is INTO ME I SEE – INTO ME YOU SEE.

To all of you, my readers, I am sorry for not writing my blog in the consistency I am committed to. We have all had a hard and surreal year, a time no one could have ever predicted, a journey without a map.

Our HOLD ME TIGHT® WORKSHOPS will be resuming soon. I will let you all know ASAP once we know dates, location, and protocol.

I send you much love,

Yours,

~Dalia

P: 530-692-0680
DIRECT EMAIL, or via
CONTACT FORM

Facebook | HOLD ME TIGHT® WORKSHOPS

Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson, founder and originator of Emotionally Focused Therapy.

How to Get it ‘Right’ on Valentine’s Day..

Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops

As soon as January rolls in, the shelves in the grocery store fill up with Valentine’s Day ‘goodies’… pink bears, heart shaped chocolate boxes, chocolate roses, flowers, cards… all reminding us NOT to forget our loved ones on Valentine’s Day…

Getting it ‘right’ on Valentine’s Day can be tricky.. so ‘How Do I Get it Right’? How do I let them know that I love and care?

For many of us, Valentine’s Day is stressful. There are so many expectations, and with them, the potential for failure.. We may feel apprehensive, with fears and stress about abandonment, betrayals, rejections, and disappointment. ‘Will I matter to you?’.. ‘Will I get it ‘right’… ‘Will I ever be good enough?’

It is said that January is the ‘Divorce Month‘.. I am not sure if it is because of Holiday stress (See my blog about Holiday Stress), or that for some of us, our New Year Resolutions, are about starting a new page in our life (here is my blog post about New Year Resolutions), but according to much research, there are more divorce papers filed in January then in any other month.

In his blog post ‘Why is January Divorce Month?‘, Barton Goldsmith PhD. writes, “According to the courts, January is the month when most divorces are filed. It may be because the holidays are over or that people want a fresh start at the New Year. Some couples who’ve been planning to break up choose to avoid disrupting their families during the holidays. Others may be hoping that their situation or their partner’s behaviors will change, and when nothing shifts, they opt for dissolution, which at best is a sad thing.”

Maybe that is why, as February rolls in.. we are obviously in the ‘recovery zone’ and eager to get our romantic love ‘right’, and Valentine’s Day a success …

Some years ago I wrote a blog post called: Are the ‘Reds’ of Valentine’s Day Giving you the ‘Blues’? Whether we are in a good solid relationship, wishing and longing to be in one, or struggling to make sense of a difficult complicated relationship: relationships are HARD. Making it through the roller-coaster of togetherness, can be difficult. Balancing a life of chores, children, economics, extended family, while keeping the sacredness of sex and intimacy, can be challenging.

Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic ’til I’m gathered safely in
Lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove
Dance me to the end of love…” – Leonard Cohen

Leonard Cohen’s longing lyrics … Dance me through the panic ’til I’m gathered safely in… remind us what we are really looking for…

We are all longing for that ‘safety in connection’, for that sense that we can let go of our anxieties, relax, knowing that we are held and witnessed. We want to know that ‘I am safe with you’, that when I need you, you will be there for me, and you have my back. We all need that.

We are wired for survival and for connection. For most of us, our sense of intuition will alert us to any emotional danger in our relationships, and any disconnect signal danger. We will then want to protect ourselves, by prompting a protest, a fight or flight, or freeze and flee response. It is when that safe love connection gets compromised, that our primary panic alarm sets us off, alerting us to the danger of disconnect from a loved one.

One of my favorite authors is speaker, change agent, and inspirations leader Brené Brown , who talks about how important vulnerability is to relationships, connections, and love.

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.”

“Through my research, I found that vulnerability is the glue that holds relationships together. It’s the magic sauce.” ~ Brené Brown

So maybe, after all, getting it ‘right’… is not about the presents but about the presence…

Last weekend, during the last hours of our Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop, here in Nevada City CA, (“Hold Me Tight®” is a registered trademark to Sue Johnson), as we set to our closing ritual, there was not a dry eye in the group. It was so profound, and deep, that once again, I was struck with awe, and immense gratitude to Dr. Sue Johnson who embarked on this journey of figuring out couples relationships, and broke the code of ‘what it is to love’, what are the obstacles to secure attachment, and how to achieve deep close bonding connections with our loved ones.

A man came to me as we were saying our goodbyes, and said: “the work we did this weekend, I never thought will ever be possible between us, you saved our marriage, and you changed my life, being vulnerable was a longing I had all my life. I just did not know how to call it, or how to get there”.

Another participant came and said: “It feels so reassuring to know that we are not alone. To connect with other couples in this setting and to learn so much about how to get our relationship right. The Hold Me Tight workshop gave us a map to succeed in our relationship”.

For more reviews and testimonials about our Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop, (“Hold Me Tight®” is a registered trademark to Sue Johnson), read more here..

For those of you who have made a New Year resolution for a better relationship, and want to deepen and strengthen your relationship and connection, we are offering our next , Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop on Saturday and Sunday, May 5-6, 2018, in Nevada City CA.

(Spaces are limited, so Please SIGN UP ASAP.)

Dr. Sue Johnson developed the Hold Me Tight program based on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and her bestselling book, Hold Me Tight, Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love.

At our Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop, in a safe, intimate, private setting, we hold space for couples to become vulnerable and open to explore, experience, touch and talk through issues that have been untouched. It is time set aside to have these conversations that have been waiting for a long time to happen.

“Hold Me Tight®” is a registered trademark to Dr. Sue Johnson, founder and originator of Emotionally Focused Therapy.(EFT).

The focus of EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy), is to help partners understand more clearly each other’s deepest emotions. Feelings are often hidden, unexpressed or misunderstood. Our relationships can be a cause of stress and pain or a source of comfort and joy. In EFT, we help couples learn how to deal with their feelings together, reach towards each other, and be responsive in more loving and positive ways.

Are you longing for Love, Connection, Intimacy, and Vulnerability with your partner, but instead you:

• have recurring fights that go round and round without resolution?
• lack affection, intimacy, closeness, or sex?
• feel alone, lonely, betrayed, abandoned?

Do you want to:

feel more closeness, connection, and engagement with your partner?
have good fulfilling communication?
learn how to reach for your partner at times of need?
renew your commitment for intimacy and sexual connection?
learn how to ‘dance to the end of love’?

At our Hold Me Tight® Couples Relationship Workshop, you will learn and experience how to:

• Affirm strengths in your relationship by developing understanding, communication, and bonding.
• Address negative cycle patterns, and learn why they show up, and how to get out of them.
• Learn how to repair and forgive injuries, and become vulnerable with each other.
• Enhance your emotional, physical, and sexual closeness, and INTIMACY.

The focus of EFT is to help partners to understand more clearly each other’s deepest emotions. Feelings are often hidden, unexpressed or misunderstood. Our relationships can be a cause of stress and pain or a source of comfort and joy. We help couples learn how to deal with their feelings together, reach towards each other, and be Accessible, Responsive, and Engaged.. in more loving and positive ways.

This is a great opportunity to have a deeper and vulnerable look at your relationship, develop new skills to recognize the cycle and patterns that inflict the relationship and keep you separated and apart, and it is also a beautiful time to connect and highlight the strengths of your relationship, and build on the positives that already exist.

Though I lead this workshop regularly, it’s always a renewed, compelling experience for me to facilitate, witness, and hold space for the vulnerable reaching that occurs between partners during the workshop.

Owen Marcus, MA, author, workshop facilitator and TEDxTalk presenter on Masculine Emotional Intelligence, will once again be assisting me in the workshop. Owen brings with him decades of experience leading and facilitating men’s group all over the country in helping men access their masculine vulnerability. Owen’s presence and his work with couples and men will enhance this upcoming Hold Me Tight workshop by offering his depth, support and perspective to the couples in our workshop.

Here are the links to Owen’s work: http://owenmarcus.com

Owen’s TEDX talk: What 10,000 Years Of Progress Has Cost.

As I keep the groups small and intimate, if you know you want to sign up, I will encourage you to do so shortly, as all our workshop in the last few years have been Sold-Out!

This is a great opportunity to have a deeper and vulnerable look at your relationship, to understand the dance of your own relationships, and develop new skills to recognize the cycle and patterns that inflict the relationship and keep you separated and apart.

It is also a beautiful time to connect and highlight the strengths of your relationship, and build on the positives that already exist.

Please do not hesitate to Contact me with any questions or for more information.

Wishing all of you a special, connected, happy, secure, sweet Valentine’s Day.

With Warm Regards and Love,

Dalia

(530) 692 0680

https://www.facebook.com/DaliaAndermanMFT

dalia@daliaanderman.com

Workshops

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Loneliness: The Silent Epidemic

Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops, Individual Therapy

“We are all so much together, but we are all dying of loneliness.” —Albert Schweitzer

In an era where so much connection is possible and the world is at our fingertips, where we have virtual reality connections via Skype or face-time or emails or tweets or texts, where all day long we hear pings and notifications and alerts that someone is ‘connecting with us’, research says that we are more lonely than ever.

Alan is a successful attorney. His work schedule and social calendars are full, yet, deep down he feels lonely and disconnected, and he feels that there is no one for him to turn to and share this deep sadness.

Rachel is a teacher, working around the clock with kids and colleagues. Yet, when she gets home in the evening she feels loneliness. Having moved for her job to a new town recently, she has been unable to form intimate connections that will take away that dreadful dark feeling. Alan and Rachel are more common then we believe. In my practice I work with adults, seniors, teens, couples, and singles. I see loneliness across the spectrum, and, I know that outside of my office, they do not talk about it.

Robert Waldinger, a Harvard psychiatrist, took over the more than 75-year-long Grant Study in 2003, becoming the fourth person to run it. He recently gave a TedTalk on it that has been viewed more than 6.5 million times since November 2015. Waldinger said in his TedTalk:

“People who are more isolated than they want to be from others find that they are less happy, their health declines earlier in midlife, their brain functioning declines sooner and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely, good, close relationships seem to buffer us from some of the slings and arrows of getting old.”

Waldinger wants people to realize that the commercial projection of a good life – wealth, fame, career success – won’t bring them health or happiness. It’s the work they put into maintaining connections with other human beings that will.

He adds, “quality and intimacy, as well as stability and consistency also matter. Casual relationships, like the ones forged on social media won’t do; neither will contentious ones like an abusive marriage or an unreliable friend.”

“Keep in mind that to avoid loneliness, many people need both a social circle and an intimate attachment. Having just one of two may still leave you feeling lonely.” —Gretchen Rubin

In a recent article in Psychology Today, the author tries to help us understand loneliness. “What makes us happiest in life? Some people may point to fabulous fame and fortune. Yet hands down, surveys show that friends and family are the real prize. Even though our need to connect is innate, some of us always go home alone. You could have people around you throughout the day or even be in a lifelong marriage, and still experience a deep, pervasive loneliness. Unsurprisingly, isolation can have a serious detrimental effect on one’s mental and physical health.”

“I am lonely, yet not everybody will do. I don’t know why, some people fill the gaps and others emphasize my loneliness.” —Anaïs Nin

It is important to understated that loneliness is not the same as being alone. A person will always have time when they choose to be alone. Rather, loneliness is the feeling of being alone and feeling sad about it. All of us feel lonely some of the time. It is only when we seem trapped in our loneliness that it becomes a real problem.

“What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.” —Kurt Vonnegut

For many, social media has provided a pseudo escape from that feeling. At any time we can reach out to that smart phone, tablet, iPhone, in our purse or pocket, and know we can reach out… We scroll mindlessly and aimlessly, only to find out all the things that we are missing… and of course, that will increase loneliness. It seems that the ‘whole world’ is connecting and connected and having fun… ‘except for us’… It is especially serious with teens, where that pressure can add layers of loneliness that leads to depression and anxiety.

person in gray long sleeve shirt holding persons hand

“Loneliness is never more cruel than when it is felt in close propinquity with someone who has ceased to communicate.” — Germaine Greer

As a couples and relationship psychotherapist, I so often encounter in my practice, that we can also be lonely when we are in a couple relationship. In fact as the quote above points out, it is even more poignant when I hear my clients say, “I am so lonely in this relationship.” I would say that loneliness is a silent epidemic in relationship as much as it is for individuals in our society.

As Dr. Sue Johnson points out: when we feel isolation and loneliness in our close and intimate relationships, we get scared. When we feel that primary panic and fear of the disconnect from loved ones, our primal need for secure connection becomes alarmed. We then start to act out, protest, and fight for the connection. Isolation and loneliness are danger cues for our primary survival. Our DNA is wired into that connection as a basic safety cue for survival.

At our Hold Me Tight relationship enhancement Workshop – participants will learn and experience how to:

• Affirm strengths in your relationship by developing understanding and bonding.
• Address negative cycle patterns, and learn why they show up, and how to get out of them.
• Learn how to repair and forgive injuries, and become vulnerable with each other.
• Enhance your emotional, physical, and sexual closeness and INTIMACY.

I’m delighted to be offering my next Hold Me Tight couples workshop Saturday September 17 to Sunday September 18th 2016, with Owen Marcus, MA, author, workshop facilitator, and TEDxTalk presenter on Masculine Emotional Intelligence.

Owen brings with him the width of decades of leading and facilitating men’s group all over the country, helping men access their masculine vulnerability. Owen’s presence, and his work with couples and men, will enhance this upcoming Hold Me Tight workshop, by offering his depth, support, and perspective to the couples in our workshop.

Here are the links to Owen’s work: http://owenmarcus.com and Owen’s TEDX talk: What 10,000 Years Of Progress Has Cost | TEDxSpokane

man and woman sitting on cliff near body of water

SPACE IS LIMITED. SO SIGN UP ASAP.

As I keep the groups small and intimate, if you know you want to sign up, I will encourage you to do so shortly, as they do tend to fill up.

It is also a beautiful time to connect and highlight the strengths of your relationship, and build on the positives that already exist.

Please do not hesitate to Contact me with any questions or for more information. Looking forward to sharing the workshop with you and I hope you are enjoying this beautiful summer.

Warm regards,

Dalia

(530) 692 0680
dalia@daliaanderman.com
http://daliaanderman.com/workshops

RSVP on Facebook here: https://www.facebook.com/events/496868083845854/

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Conflict & Disconnection

Hold Me Tight® Couple Workshops 2.0

A New Chapter in your Relationship

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Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop Nevada City, California, January 29-30, 2022We Invite and Welcome all Couples!

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“We are all so much together, but we are all dying of loneliness.” —Albert Schweitzer

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Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop
Nevada City, California, January 29-30, 2022
We Invite and Welcome all Couples!