Dalia Anderman, LMFT

Emotional Focus Therapy

Hold Me Tight

You can Fight to be Right…and be Alone.

Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops

Dear Reader

I enjoy connecting, sharing, and checking in with you. I’ve also missed some of my regular posts while focused on the Hold Me Tight® Retreat I just hosted in Costa Rica. Thank you for your patience!

There are many variations on this post’s title, like “You can fight to be right, and choose to lose” or “You can fight to be right, or choose to be happy.” I have used some of these in my couples therapy practice, trying to bring closure to recurring fights that feed negative cycles.

Most arguments revolve around trying to get your partner to agree with you, to see your point, or to be heard, seen, and understood. But as so many of us know, all too often, it just goes on and on in endless cycles. And while you may win the battle, you may at the same time lose the war or the relationship.

I enjoyed how Joe Rossini posed the question in his Lesson 10 in ehappylife.com’s Life Lessons Blog.

If you have been married or living with another individual for any length of time, I’m sure you can identify with the premise that most disputes you encounter at home are about the silliest of topics. You may find yourself in the heat of battle just to prove your partner is wrong. These silly disputes repeated often enough, by stubborn individuals who must [emerge] victorious, can lead to lots of hard feelings. Silly arguments may even lead to the end of a valued relationship. Thus the question to ponder remains “is it really worth the effort to fight to be right?”

In a recent blog titled, For You to be Right, I don’t have to be Wrong, I explored the idea of how to resolve conflicts when they seem inescapable. When the fights get repeated, it is only the subject matter that changes while we get drawn into the same dynamic loop again and again. In her post for Psychology Today, The Fight to Be Right: What Are You Fighting For?, Nancy Colier LCSW, Rev. cuts to the core of our desire to be right.

At its core, fighting to be right is about fighting to be heard, known, and understood, what we’re all longing for. If we can prove we’re right, that what happened in our inner world is what happened in the outer world and everyone else’s world, if it can be confirmed as correct, then our experience is valid, and most importantly, we’re allowed to feel what we feel. 

And with our partners, that need to be accepted and validated, for them to see our side, to agree with our point, and to honor our opinion, is often compounded by fears of abandonment, rejection, and not mattering.

Longing for connection is at the core of our relationships. When our partner does not agree with us and a conflict erupts, we may launch into a protest, lose our balance, start a fight, or try anything to get connection back. And underneath the fight, the anger, and the frustration, there are often deep vulnerable feeling of loneliness, fear, and sadness, but what our actions are expressing is our deep down need to know that we are not alone and that our partner will be there for us.

A participant at our recent Hold Me Tight® Costa Rica Retreat summed up fighting to be right in a vulnerable way when he said,

I can fight to be right and win the argument and be alone without my partner; and that is very sad.

That deep down need to know that our partner will be there for us is a foundational aspect of Emotionally Focused Therapy which was developed by clinical psychologist Dr. Sue Johnson. The EFT model is considered to be one of the most effective evidence-based therapy methods available and is currently taught to over 3000 health care professionals every year. Countless couples’ relationships have been repaired and strengthened because of Sue’s work.

EFT emphasizes that couples often get stuck in repetitive, negative patterns of interaction, which she refers to as “the cycle”. This cycle takes the shape of an infinity loop, with no start or end, where each partner’s actions, emotions, and thoughts trigger and feed off of the other partner’s actions, emotions, and thoughts.

Sue Johnson’s Hold Me Tight® Program, workshops, and her book Hold Me Tight are rooted in over 30 years of attachment and relationship science and share her methods for stepping out of “the cycle,” improving relationship satisfaction, and fostering secure emotional bonds.

Hold Me Tight®
Retreat Announcement

Having just completed my first Hold Me Tight® Costa Rica Retreat at the Imiloa Institute in Costa Rica, I’ve decided to book another one for April 16-21st, 2026! Sign up to be the first to know when registration opens!

Come join us for a 6-day Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat in the midst of a lush jungle, with Toucans, Sloths, Monkeys, Butterflies, and so much more. If you’re interested in receiving updates about registration, we’d love to hear from you.

What is included:

• Five nights and six days at Imiloa Eco-Luxury Retreat Center.
• Charter flight from SJO (San Jose, Costa Rica) to a small airport near the Retreat Center. 
• IMILOA Shuttle Service, all-inclusive luxury SUV ground transportation.
• Plant-based, organic, locally sourced gourmet meals, created each day by a 5-star master chef.
• A beautiful campus tucked in the Costa Rican jungle devoted to our retreat.
• Access to a private waterfall, miles of nature paths, incredible flora and fauna, and an ocean view infinity pool.
• Yoga classes taught by the local instructors.
• Access to an online resource library.
• A workbook full with conversation and communication exercises, a skill building toolkit, and much more.
• Special excursions.
• Magical surprises.

Co-Facilitator

Owen Marcus, MA, author, workshop facilitator, co-founder of EVRYMAN and MELD, and TEDxTalk presenter on Masculine Emotional Intelligence, will once again be co-leading this workshop with me. (Owen’s TEDX talk)

With a rich background in leading men’s groups and trainings across the country, Owen specializes in guiding men to embrace vulnerability. His expertise extends to working with couples, and he has shared his methods with a diverse audience, including therapists, NGOs, and major tech firms like Google. Owen’s deep experience and innovative approach, honed through co-founding EVRYMAN and now co-leading his latest venture, MELD, promise to significantly enrich the dynamics of the workshop.

How We Work

Our Hold Me Tight® Retreat is based on Dr. Sue Johnson’s Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT). Once again, I feel immense gratitude to Dr. Sue Johnson, who embarked on this journey to break the code of what it is to love, identify the obstacles to secure attachments, and pioneer a path to form long lasting bonding connections with our loved ones. 

At our Hold Me Tight® Retreat, participants will learn how to:

• Affirm strengths in the relationship by developing understanding, communication, and bonding. 
• Address negative cycle patterns, and learn why they show up, and how to get out of them. 
• Learn how to repair and forgive injuries, and become vulnerable with each other.
• Enhance emotional, physical, and sexual, closeness, and Intimacy. 

Our Hold Me Tight® retreat will be packed with education, information, presentations, experiential exercises, communication skills, somatic practices, gender groups, fun activities, and much more. This is a great opportunity to have a deep and vulnerable look at your relationship. Processing is done in the privacy of the couples, and when we connect as a group, sharing is optional. We keep our workshops small to ensure privacy, safety, and personal attention. Space is limited.

Sign up to be the first to know when registration opens for April 16-21st 2026!
We Welcome All Couples!! 

In gratitude and love to all of you,
~Dalia


P: 530-692-0680
DIRECT EMAIL, or via
CONTACT FORM


Facebook | HOLD ME TIGHT® WORKSHOPS

Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson, founder and originator of Emotionally Focused Therapy.

Pushing Beyond our Comfort Zone

Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops

Dear Reader,

Decades ago, when I was in my early 30’s, I was traveling in South East Asia and went trekking in the Himalayas of Nepal and Northern India. I always dreamt of going back to those mountains. There is a saying that the Himalayas start where all other mountains end, and for me, being a traveler, they brought a sense of awe, inspiration, and reverence.

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it; Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

And so there I was, flying into Leh this August to go on a trek in Ladakh and Zanskar, which are in the Northern India Himalayas.

During the trek we had local Ladakh villagers, many of them Tibetan refugees, with horses and donkeys carrying our things over the mountains and setting camp. Every night they waited for us with bright beautiful smiles, hot chai, a warm meal, and with the greetings you hear all over the range, “Julley-Julley.”

Ladakh, home to a variety of Tibetan schools of Buddhism, has shown so much respect to the Dalai Lama. Their devotion and faith in the Dalai Lama is unrivaled anywhere in India.

The Himalayas are immense and powerful. We hiked around 10-15 miles a day, at high elevations of 12,000~14,000 feet, crossing passes at 15,700 feet. The altitude was hard to navigate, as every step seemed to take so much out of me. It was super challenging, and at times, I wondered if I was brave or insane, while asking myself ‘what was thinking… (I wasn’t ;).

I was for sure the oldest in my trekking group and guides, and often made it to camp many hours after everyone else.

A sweet touching moments on this journey was when I was apologizing for being so slow and one of the locals guides told me how inspiring it was that I was trekking at a similar age to his grandmothers who could hardly walk let alone trek.

It was difficult and challenging, and definitely outside of my comfort zone, but I am so glad I did it! It was a transformative experience and an opportunity to turn a breakdown into a breakthrough.

I needed that time away. 2024 has been a difficult year. Pushing myself beyond my comfort zone, discovering new landscapes externally as well as internally, and fostering new meditations and understandings.

This week is Rosh H’Shanna, the Jewish New Year. Shanna Tova. May this year bring safety, healing, and peace to ALL.

We don’t stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing.

George Bernard Shaw

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.

Helen Keller

Valentines Day ’25 in Costa Rica

And speaking of pushing an edge, after more than a decade of offering our Hold Me Tight® Couple workshops here in Northern California, we are offering this breakthrough retreat in Costa Rica.

If you and your partner are looking to adventure this next Valentine Day, to push the edge of your relationship, to take risks and explore heights and the depths, come with us! I am excited and inspired to announce our Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat at the Imiloa Institute in Costa Rica for Valentine’s Day 2025 (February 11-16).

At this Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat, you and your partner will have the opportunity to take a deep dive into your relationship:

  • Affirm strengths in the relationship through understanding, communication, and bonding.
  • Address negative cycle patterns; Learn why they show up and how to get out of them.
  • Learn how to repair and forgive injuries and become vulnerable with each other. 
  • Enhance emotional, physical, and sexual closeness and intimacy.

Processing is done as couples, and when we connect as a group, sharing is optional.

Included

  • Accommodations – five nights and six days at Imiloa Eco-luxury Retreat Center
  • Charter Flight from SJO (San Jose Costa Rica), airport to an small airport close to the retreat center
  • IMILOA Shuttle Service All-inclusive luxury SUV ground transportation
  • Plant-based, organic, locally sourced, gourmet meals, created each day by a master 5-star chef
  • A campus devoted to our retreat, tucked in the Costa Rica jungle
  • Access to a private waterfall, miles of nature paths, incredible flora and fauna, and an ocean view infinity pool
  • Yoga classes taught by the local instructors
  • Access to an online resource library
  • A workbook full with conversations and communication exercises, skill building toolkit, and much more
  • Special excursions
  • Magical surprises

Co-Facilitator

Owen Marcus, MA, author, workshop facilitator, co-founder and creator of the EVRYMAN Method, co-founder of MELD, and TEDxTalk presenter on Masculine Emotional Intelligence, will once again be co-leading this workshop with me. (Owen’s TEDX talk)

With a rich background in leading men’s groups and trainings across the country, Owen specializes in guiding men to embrace vulnerability. His expertise extends to working with couples, and he has shared his methods with a diverse audience, including therapists, NGOs, and major tech firms like Google. Owen’s deep experience and innovative approach, honed through co-founding EVRYMAN and now co-leading his latest venture, MELD, promises to significantly enrich the dynamics of the workshop.

Register here

We keep our workshops small to ensure privacy, safety, and personal attention.
Space is limited. We welcome all couples!!
(Please FORWARD to anyone you think will benefit from this work.)

In gratitude and love to all of you,
~Dalia


P: 530-692-0680
DIRECT EMAIL, or via
CONTACT FORM


Facebook | HOLD ME TIGHT® WORKSHOPS

Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson, founder and originator of Emotionally Focused Therapy.

Can Traveling Re*inspire a Relationship?

Couples Intensive, Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops

Dear Readers,

Those of you that know me know that traveling has been a lifelong passion of mine. I have always felt curious about the world around me, and especially what lies beyond the usual boundaries of my world. Even when it is challenging and involves pushing my physical or psychological limits, I’ve pushed myself to expand both my abilities and horizons.

Not all those who wander are lost. J.R.R. Tolkien

As a teenager, I would go exploring, taking walks or hikes out in nature or taking the but so somewhere new for an adventure. What began as a way to get away from the chaos at home developed into a sense of wonder & wanderlust.

In my early 20’s, when I finished my military service in Israel, I packed a small backpack and booked a flight to Amsterdam to begin my exploration of Europe. Little did I know, that trip would start me on a decades long journey traveling through many countries and eventually making my home in the United States. I still travel frequently.

While becoming a psychotherapist, a mentor of mine pointed out to me that the word relationship is made up of two words: “Relation” and “Ship” which translate to “How are we relating and where is this ship going.” It became my professional passion to help guide couples as they navigate these two realms.

As a therapist, I work with couples who get stuck. One way to look at my work is helping couples move through their stuck-ness. And what better way is there to get unstuck than to change the scenery and get a new perspective?

Although we take ourselves wherever we go, travel of any proportion is an opportunity to leave some of the known behind to reset our perspective, and embark on a discovery of ourselves and our partner through new eyes against a different backdrop.

Couples tell me over and over that although they still love each other, they have gotten so wrapped up in family, kids, professional demands, bills and finances, and other obligations that they have forgotten what it is like to be a romantic, intimate, and sexual couple.

That is a normal response to the complexities of modern life, but if we do not take time to nurture and nourish our relation-ship, we start to feel distanced and disconnected. Many couples can begin to feel as if they are just roommates and co-parents while longing for that intimate, sexual, romantic, and vulnerable bond.

For many couples I work with, it is hard to find the mood, space, and excitement, for the intimacy, and sexuality, they are missing in their relationship. One of them told me recently that for them, the word ‘hotel’.. is an aphrodisiac.. they go away to a weekend in a hotel, so they can reignite the erotic sexuality they once celebrated in their connection. Being in a new environment, with no interruption, and the space to explore and not be in a hurry, gives them the time and space they needed to find intimacy again.

Although travel itself can be stressful, taking time away to reconnect is essential. It can be a weekend way in a beautiful place, a long weekend hiking, or a longer “real vacation” to reignite the magic and connection in the relationship.

The idea for this post goes back to March, when in one of my many travel mailing lists, I read an article titled Can Travel Cure a Broken Heart by Jessica Burrell on CNTraveler.com.

“…travel doesn’t necessarily mean we’re running away from our problems. “Broadly speaking, travel can be a very helpful way of processing heartbreak.” [where] “we oscillate between confronting and avoiding the loss, which is actually really healthy at the end of a relationship.”

Jessica Burrell quoting Dr Theresa Schwaiger, a clinical psychologist at London-based The Soke.

“There is no ‘cure’ for heartbreak, and travel cannot magically erase the pain.” But it can help us get out there and explore our complex interior life against a shifting external world, allowing us to process our emotions in a context that differs from the everyday.

Jessica Burrell quoting Chance Marshall, co-founder of mental health service Self Space.

And for those of you in need of inspiration and who want to take an adventure while holding space for your relationship, come join us in beautiful Costa Rica with your love one at our Valentines ’25 Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat hosted by the Imiloa Institute.

Imagine, its Valentine Day 2025, and you’re at a couples retreat that is luxurious in a different kind of way, not posh, but authentic, and rich with care, attention to every details, locally sourced, and in the midst of the lush, nurturing Costa Rican jungle. A perfect setting to reignite, upgrade, and repair your relationships.

Facilitating this retreat alongside myself will be Owen Marcus, MA, author, workshop facilitator, co-founder of EVRYMAN, and TEDxTalk presenter on Masculine Emotional Intelligence. (Owen’s TEDX talk)

With a rich background in leading men’s groups and trainings across the country, Owen specializes in guiding men to embrace vulnerability. His expertise extends to working with couples, and he has shared his methods with a diverse audience, including therapists, NGOs, and major tech firms like Google. Owen’s deep experience and innovative approach, honed through co-founding EVRYMAN and now co-leading his latest venture, MELD, promises to significantly enrich the dynamics of the workshop.

This retreat will be packed with educational information and presentations including experiential exercises, communication skills, somatic practices, gender groups, fun activities and much more. Processing is done in the privacy of your relationship, and when we connect as a group, sharing is optional. This is a great opportunity to have a deeper and vulnerable look at your relationship.

Participants will learn how to:

  • Affirm strengths in the relationship through understanding, communication, and bonding.
  • Address negative cycle patterns, and learn why they show up, and how to get out of them.
  • Learn how to repair and forgive injuries, and become vulnerable with each other. 
  • Enhance emotional, physical, and sexual closeness and intimacy.
Register here

Valentines ’25 in Costa Rica
Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat
We keep our workshops small to ensure privacy, safety, and personal attention.
Space is limited. We welcome all couples!!

(Please FORWARD to anyone you think will benefit from this work.)

In gratitude and love to all of you,
~Dalia


P: 530-692-0680
DIRECT EMAIL, or via
CONTACT FORM


Facebook | HOLD ME TIGHT® WORKSHOPS

Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson, founder and originator of Emotionally Focused Therapy.

For You to be Right, I don’t have to be Wrong

Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops

Around the time I entered graduate school for psychotherapy (later in life: for the first part of my professional life, I was a park ranger leading treks into the wilderness), I had become interested in relationships and couple’s therapy.

Was it growing up in a dysfunctional family or in a part of the world torn by conflict (born and raised in Israel)? Or was it because I botched my first marriage and no amount of therapy helped?

Maybe it was all of it combined with a deep sense that there must be a way out of conflict beyond war and breakup that fed my curiosity and determination to find answers. Through the years, I came to see that all relational conflict as a protest to feeling disconnection from a loved one, and most fights are a longing to be connected, safe, seen, and heard.

It’s true that for you to be right, your partner does not need to be wrong, but to access that truth in the moment, we need to be able to communicate, connect, and talk about it. We need to find ways to invite our partner into connection before we get pulled into the Right/Wrong, Shame/Blame, negative dance.

Distressed relationships are always the same all over the world at every age. Where are you? Where are you? Do you care about me? Do I matter to you? Will you respond to me? Will you be there when I’m vulnerable? Am I safe with you? Where are you? Where are you? And when the answer is, “I’m here,” you can deal with almost anything.

Dr. Sue Johnson
>>> Listen to Dr. Sue Johnson interviewed (quoted above).

A beloved mentor of mine once told me that relationships are made up of two words: “Relation” and “Ship” which translate to “How are we relating and where is this ship going.”

As a couple, we must make sure that we are giving time to both aspects of our relationship. We need to ensure that our “relation” includes time with each other, good communication, vulnerable sharing, transparency, authenticity, affection, intimacy, and so much more.

For the second half, we also need to be vigilant with our rituals of checking in about the direction we are going or where we are “steering the ship.” This might include making adjustments around being aware of safety, direction, shared visions, and co-facilitating.

Like so much else in our lives, our relation-ship needs constant maintenance. We must give it attention and care so it will continue to thrive. For some couples it may look like a weekly date night, just the two of you going away for a weekend alone, or maintaining a regular practice of listening to audio books, podcasts, or seminars about relationships.

Conflict & Disconnection

All couples face periods of conflict and disconnection, and at times ask the question, “What happened to our relationship?” It is not uncommon for partners to feel stuck and unable to communicate effectively or resolve conflicts, sometimes even for years. These negative patterns can strain the relationship to its breaking point.

Research reveals that Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, can significantly improve distressed relationships.

>>> Listen to Dr. Sue Johnson interviewed (quoted below).

If you dance with somebody, they’re going to step on your feet. They’re going to go left when you expect them to go right. It’s just the way it is. The point is, in a good relationship, you can recognize what’s happened and you can tune in and you can repair it. It’s emotional responsiveness. That’s the basis of a secure bond. Emotional isolation is traumatizing for human beings. You’re not wired for it. It’s a danger cue for your nervous system.

Dr. Sue Johnson

As a couple therapist, I have found Sue’s Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) to be the most effective, profound, exact, and helpful approach for couples to find their way back to connection. I am so sad to have lost her (announcement below), and am committed to carrying forth her life’s work.

It is with profound sadness that we announce the passing of Dr. Sue Johnson on April 23, 2024. Dr. Johnson was a beloved teacher, therapist, author, and the pioneering innovator of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). Her remarkable contributions have left an indelible mark on the field of therapy and the lives of countless individuals, couples, and families worldwide.
Read more

Hold Me Tight® Couple Workshops 2.0

For over a decade I have been offering our Hold Me Tight® Couple Workshops here in Nevada City, California. Hundreds of couples have found new ways to reconnect and reignite their relationships.

Many of you, over the years, have asked me if we will ever offer a Hold Me Tight® Couples workshop 2.0 and I am excited about our new edge in couples work, our Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat in Costa Rica at the Imiloa Institute (Feb 11-16, 2025).

We invite you and your partner, to reignite your relationship, in the midst of the lush jungle and magnificent beauty of Costa Rica. Come join us with the toucans, sloths, monkeys, and butterflies and your partner in Costa Rica for a Special surprise celebration of Valentine’s Day, 2025 ♥️♥️♥️.

Retreat includes:

  • Accommodations – five nights and six days of accommodation at Imiloa Eco-luxury Retreat Center.
  • Charter Flight from SJO (San Jose, Costa Rica) to a small airport close to the retreat center.
  • Plant-based, organic, locally sourced, gourmet meals created by a 5-star master chef.
  • A campus fully devoted to our retreat, tucked in the Costa Rica jungle.
  • IMILOA Shuttle Service all-inclusive luxury SUV ground transportation.
  • Access to a private waterfall, miles of nature paths, incredible flora and fauna, and an ocean view infinity pool.
  • Yoga classes thought by the local instructors.
  • Access to an online resource library.
  • A workbook full with conversations and communication exercises, a skill building toolkit, and much more.
  • Special excursions & magical surprises.

A New Chapter in your Relationship

During this couples retreat you and your partner will benefit from over two decades of my work as a couples therapist utilizing Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and leading Hold Me Tight® Couples workshops in understanding the patterns of attachment in the dance of relationship.

You will also benefit from Owen Marcus’ decades of experience working with men’s emotional intelligence, as well as his understanding and unique lens detailed in his book Grow Up: A Man’s Guide to Masculine Emotional Intelligence and TEDxTalk presentation on Masculine Emotional Intelligence. Owen specializes in guiding men to embrace vulnerability. His expertise extends to working with couples and he has shared his methods with diverse audiences including therapists, NGOs, and major tech firms like Google. Owen’s deep experience and innovative approach, honed through co-founding EVRYMAN and now co-leading his latest venture MELD, promise to significantly enrich the dynamics of this workshop.

At our Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat, you will learn how to:

  • Move out of negative cycles that keep you feeling stuck and alone.
  • Make sense of your own, as well as your partner’s, emotions.
  • Forgive injuries that keep you from really opening up to your partner.
  • Communicate your emotional needs for connection where there has been abandonment and betrayal.

During and after our retreat you will be able to:

  • Establish a secure and intimate bond with one another.
  • Restore commitment and hope.
  • Decrease conflict, isolation, distance, and loneliness.
  • Learn to manage intense and negative emotion.
  • Rebuild safety and trust.
  • Find a way back to the passion, sexual connection, and intimacy you once shared.

We are happy to answer any questions you might have about our Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat during a free consultation. Please fill out our brief questionnaire to ensure we tailor this consultation to your needs and help us make the most of our 30-minute session together.

register here

Our Workshops Are Open to ALL Couples.
Please share this page with anyone you think will benefit from our work.

Responses from our last Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop.

Though I love my husband dearly, I’d given up trying to repair and restore our relationship and marriage. I’d filed for divorce. As a last ditch effort, I agreed to attend Dalia’s and Owen’s Hold Me Tight workshop. I was skeptical that this would work. But, it did! Without publicly airing our dirty laundry, we learned to listen to each other. Where I’d felt my emotional pain was unheard and unvalidated, I now felt the longed-for connections begin to establish themselves. We have a lot of work ahead, but the workshop has provided a solid foundation and framework to continue the hard work required to heal and restore our commitment to each other. The results of our work during those two days were enough for me to decide to dismiss my divorce proceedings. If you have any desire to save your relationship, I highly recommend Dalia’s and Owen’s Hold Me Tight workshop!

Ramona H

My spouse and I had the opportunity to participate in a recent “Hold Me Tight” retreat with Dalia. I was apprehensive at first as we were referred to the program by a therapist. I am so glad we went. Dalia and her co-facilitators instantly made us feel comfortable. Being with 9 other couples helped me realize that my marriage isn’t broken and we aren’t doing this all wrong. It helped me realize that there are other people also wondering how to be better; how to communicate in a way that is healthy and sustainable for both of us. My spouse and I plan to revisit and attend another retreat in a couple of years because we got so much out of it. I am confident that moving forward he and I will have an easier time communicating our needs to one another, listening to the underlying messages, and ultimately caring for and loving each other for many years to come. Thank you Dalia, Owen, and Stephanie for being real, honest, and experts in the field of love and marriage. We are so thankful.

Darby G

In gratitude and love to all of you,
~Dalia

P: 530-692-0680
DIRECT EMAIL, or via
CONTACT FORM


Facebook | HOLD ME TIGHT® WORKSHOPS

Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson, founder and originator of Emotionally Focused Therapy.

What is wrong with Valentine’s Day? (A post-V Day blog)

Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops, Individual Therapy

Happy belated Valentine’s Day,

You might think that as a couple’s therapist, I would be a fan of this day, celebrating Valentine’s Day with an oomph. That I would welcome it with cards, balloons, chocolates, and roses.

Dad holds daughter celebrating with a sparkler. Valentine's Day is a celebration of love.

But the truth is…it is not a favorite holiday day of mine.

For years I have written a seasonal blog titled, Are the ‘Reds’ of Valentine’s Day Giving you the ‘Blues’? In it I write, “On the one hand, I’m glad we’re celebrating a day of LOVE; it’s a celebration of a very important concept in our lives, if not one of the most important concepts in our lives! On the other hand, there can be many mixed emotions surrounding this holiday”

‘[F]or many of us, Valentine’s Day is stressful! There are many expectations, and with them, the potential for failure. We may feel apprehensive, and we may experience old fears, such as memories of abandonment, betrayal, rejection, and disappointment. “Will I matter to you?” “Will I get it right” “Will I ever be good enough?“‘

And then, there are those of us who dread this day because they do not have a “valentine,” and maybe “something is wrong with me?”

Two children, a boy and a girl hugging. Love can come in many different forms this Valentine's Day.

But Truth is, that LOVE is not reserved for romantic love, or even a for a pair bonding. When I looked for pics for this blog i typed, “love,” and I typed “Valentine’s Day,” and some of the results are what you are seeing right now.

Love is so much more then romantic love. It could be a sense of belonging, a secure connection, a love of a favorite teacher, or an animal that we are so attached to.

Maybe the truth is that we can expand the meaning of LOVE.. As we go through the journey of life, the meaning of love can also change and shift for us individually.

This year, I discovered an even deeper meaning of love for me. It was a love for a country and of a homeland, and the love for my people there that I so care about. In October 7, 2023 when Israel was attacked on its southern border and hundreds were killed, I felt my heart break. And as the war expanded, and more people’s lives were lost on all sides, I felt my heart break even further. Feeling that pain and having recently returned from a trip to Israel, the love of people, country and homeland are the most present for me this Valentine’s Day.

Where there is love there is life.

Mahatma Gandhi

Romantic Love & Valentine’s Day

Of course, with all of the different types of love, there is always room for romantic love around Valentine’s Day. It is indeed a holiday for lovers and a celebration of relationships and romantic love!

As a couples therapist, I spend my days helping couples understand their relationships. I help them repair, injuries, learn to forgive, set goals, make agreements and commitments, get vulnerable, share fears, longings, and hopes.

A red, yellow, and pink rose in a glass vase in front of a pink wallpaper background symbolizing romantic love.

At times I help them to decide whether they want to stay together. A tough decision no matter the status of the relationship.

Over the more then two decades of doing this work, I have often wondered about the meaning of love. Tried to make sense of the difference between love, lust, emotional and physical attractions, and also ‘how do we fall in love.

It turns out that I am not the only one with these questions. Psychologist Arthur Aron developed a list of 36 questions as part of a 1997 study at the State University of New York at Stony Brook to see if intimacy could be accelerated between strangers. It was later popularized in Mandy Len Catron’s New York Times article, To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This.

You can go on your own adventure of discovery with a loved one with this list of 36 questions built for bringing you together. Find an easy access list here!

The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings
Arthur Aron, Edward Melinat, Elaine N. Aron, Robert Darrin Vallone, and Renee J. Bator
Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin
First published April 1, 1997

Upcoming Workshops Announcements

Nevada City, CA – Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop
–Date: April 27-28, 2024
–Price: $1045 per couple ($945 early bird pricing through 4/1/24)
-Register Here

Costa Rica – Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat
–Date: Valentines 2025 (Feb 11-16)
-View Accommodation or Book a Free Consultation

At our Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops and retreats, you and your partner will learn and experience how to:

Photo taken on the beach at Imiloa where we will hold our Valentine's Day 2025 Couples Retreat.
  • Affirm strengths in your relationship by developing understanding and bonding
  • Address negative cycle patterns, learn why they show up, and how to get out of them
  • Learn how to repair and forgive injuries, and become vulnerable with each other
  • Enhance your emotional, physical, and SEXUAL closeness and INTIMACY

Don’t miss these unique opportunities that have helped many couples find the way back to a secure and connected romantic relationship. We keep the groups small and intimate, and our workshops are open to all Couples.

We regularly sell out workshops, so if you have questions about the workshop or about the work I do, please feel free to contact me.

In gratitude and love to all of you,

~Dalia

Hands forming a heart over a small candle symbolizing love.


P: 530-692-0680
DIRECT EMAIL, or via
CONTACT FORM


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Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson.

S.A.D., in So Many Ways

Couples Intensive, Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops

Dear Readers,

I started writing this blog over a month ago now.

Every year, as we move into the fall season and the trees start to change colors and the days become shorter, I write a seasonal blog post to bring awareness to Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.) as well as strategies to prepare and cope with it. When I started writing this year, my working title was “S.A.D. is here…are you ready?”

However, in an unexpected twist, I found myself wholly unprepared for the tragic and sad events that took place on October 7th. The day when my homeland of Israel was attacked, when innocent civilians with babies, children, youths and elders among them were brutally murdered and taken hostage.

Regardless of where you stand geopolitically, the loss of so many innocent peoples’ lives and the violence of the attack left me, my family, my family of friends, and the whole country of Israel in shock, in deep pain, and in acute grief. And in additional to the terror of the attack, the war and violence continue.

I feel deep gratitude for all of you who reached out to me with care, empathy, and to offer sympathy to my country. For a month now I have been frozen in grief, not able to reach out or to finish my blog. When we are grieving, life can feel like it’s been reduced to only what’s necessary to survive.

As I’ve started to write again, this post has taken on a different name: SAD in So Many Ways. The sadness of innocent lives lost, of the loss of hope for peace, and of being caught between governments on both sides that do not care about their citizens.

In Ester Perel’s recent blog post, Reading & Writing in a Time of War, she talks about coming together with each other in times of grief.

‘Despite all that is splitting us, we are trying to really see each other and connect through our humanity. We talk about our grief, how our feelings aren’t binary, how we agree more than disagree. We talk about the people who are experiencing the hell of war on the ground—loved ones, friends of friends, and strangers—and how we can help them. We are not turning away from this conflict, we are turning toward each other. As Peter Levine says, “Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathic witness.”’

She also gives advice about how to approach this conversation.

‘ – Try reaching out to someone in your life whom you know is close to this conflict.
– You don’t need to make a point.
– Keep it general but heartfelt.
–“My friend, I have been thinking about you and wanted to affirm our connection. There is so much to say about this war but, right now, I just want you to know that our friendship is important to me. If you ever want to correspond more about what is happening or just about life, I am here”
– Release yourself of the expectation to get anything in return. this is a difficult time for so many and we are all processing it in our own way.
– What matters is that you show you care.’

There are no winners in war,
but countless lives will be torn apart.

Filippo Grandi, head of the UN refugee agency, UNHCR

Seasonal Affective Disorder

And while feeling all of the sadness, I still want to speak a bit, on Seasonal Affective Disorder, and it’s impact.

As the days get shorter and the nights get longer, fall leads into the darker portion of the year in the northern hemisphere. Along with this shift into the darker months, some of us will experience mild or even sever changes in our emotional states. Even if you’ve never suffered from depression, you can experience symptoms of S.A.D.

It’s important to be aware of S.A.D. so that if you are impacted, you can take steps to find the support you need. Don’t brush off that yearly feeling as simply a case of the “winter blues” or a seasonal funk that you have to tough out on your own. Take steps to keep your mood and motivation steady throughout the year. Treatments for S.A.D. can include light therapy (phototherapy), psychotherapy, and at times supplements such as Vitamin D or medications.

I have been so grateful to have my therapy practice to lean into in these times. Being with my clients in the office gives me a sense of hope and purpose, a feeling that regardless of what is happening, I can still contribute to making the world a better place, one hour at a time.

Big News: Hold Me Tight® Costa Rica

Many of you have followed my Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops journey. You have seen me offer, facilitate, and lead successful Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops here in Nevada City, CA, over the past ten years. Earlier this year, I decided to take a leap and push a new edge for myself; I booked a Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat, this coming May, at the beautiful Imiloa Institute in Costa Rica.

A view from Imiloa Institute in Costa Rica where we will be holding our next Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops this coming May.

After the tragic events in Israel and seeing my homeland go through such hard dark times, I’ve had a difficult time sharing about this retreat, feeling the stark juxtaposition of such a joyful experience, against the reality of so much suffering.

However, I’ve realized that now, more than any other time, we need connection, and we need to heal, and we need to find ways to reignite our belief in love and life.

And so, I want to invite you to share this new adventure and challenge with me at our next Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat in Costa Rica at the Imiloa Institute. Join us for 6 days, May 18-23, 2024, to share, and to reignite your relationship, in the magnificent healing beauty of Costa Rica; in the midst of a lush jungle with toucans, sloths, monkeys, butterflies, and your partner.

Once again, I am feeling immense gratitude to Dr. Sue Johnson on whose work Hold Me Tight® Workshops are based. She embarked on this journey of figuring out couples relationships and broke the code for “‘what it is to love,” discovered the obstacles to secure attachments, and pioneered how to form long lasting bonding connections with our loved ones.

Owen Marcus, MA, author, workshop facilitator, co-founder of EVRYMAN, and TEDxTalk presenter on Masculine Emotional Intelligence, will once again be co-leading this workshop with me. (Owen’s TEDX talk).

Owen brings with him the width of decades of leading and facilitating men’s group all over the country, helping men access their masculine vulnerability.  Owen’s presence, and his work with couples and men, will enhance this upcoming Hold Me Tight® retreat.

Flyer for our upcoming Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops at Imiloa Institute in Costa Rica.

We are looking forward to share this Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat and are happy to answer any questions you might have during a free consultation. Please fill out our brief questionnaire to ensure we tailor this consultation to your needs and help us make the most out of our 30-minute session together.

We are offering a 10% reduced fee for early registration.
Fill out a brief questionnaire to book a free 30 minute consultation for more information.
Book free 30 minute consult

Please do not hesitate to contact me privately by email at dalia@daliaanderman.com, or call or text my cell: 530.218.2721.

In gratitude and love to all of you,
Dalia


P: 530-692-0680
DIRECT EMAIL, or via
CONTACT FORM


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Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson, founder and originator of Emotionally Focused Therapy.