Dalia Anderman, LMFT

Emotional Focus Therapy

Reconnection

S.A.D., in So Many Ways

Couples Intensive, Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops

Dear Readers,

I started writing this blog over a month ago now.

Every year, as we move into the fall season and the trees start to change colors and the days become shorter, I write a seasonal blog post to bring awareness to Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.) as well as strategies to prepare and cope with it. When I started writing this year, my working title was “S.A.D. is here…are you ready?”

However, in an unexpected twist, I found myself wholly unprepared for the tragic and sad events that took place on October 7th. The day when my homeland of Israel was attacked, when innocent civilians with babies, children, youths and elders among them were brutally murdered and taken hostage.

Regardless of where you stand geopolitically, the loss of so many innocent peoples’ lives and the violence of the attack left me, my family, my family of friends, and the whole country of Israel in shock, in deep pain, and in acute grief. And in additional to the terror of the attack, the war and violence continue.

I feel deep gratitude for all of you who reached out to me with care, empathy, and to offer sympathy to my country. For a month now I have been frozen in grief, not able to reach out or to finish my blog. When we are grieving, life can feel like it’s been reduced to only what’s necessary to survive.

As I’ve started to write again, this post has taken on a different name: SAD in So Many Ways. The sadness of innocent lives lost, of the loss of hope for peace, and of being caught between governments on both sides that do not care about their citizens.

In Ester Perel’s recent blog post, Reading & Writing in a Time of War, she talks about coming together with each other in times of grief.

‘Despite all that is splitting us, we are trying to really see each other and connect through our humanity. We talk about our grief, how our feelings aren’t binary, how we agree more than disagree. We talk about the people who are experiencing the hell of war on the ground—loved ones, friends of friends, and strangers—and how we can help them. We are not turning away from this conflict, we are turning toward each other. As Peter Levine says, “Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathic witness.”’

She also gives advice about how to approach this conversation.

‘ – Try reaching out to someone in your life whom you know is close to this conflict.
– You don’t need to make a point.
– Keep it general but heartfelt.
–“My friend, I have been thinking about you and wanted to affirm our connection. There is so much to say about this war but, right now, I just want you to know that our friendship is important to me. If you ever want to correspond more about what is happening or just about life, I am here”
– Release yourself of the expectation to get anything in return. this is a difficult time for so many and we are all processing it in our own way.
– What matters is that you show you care.’

There are no winners in war,
but countless lives will be torn apart.

Filippo Grandi, head of the UN refugee agency, UNHCR

Seasonal Affective Disorder

And while feeling all of the sadness, I still want to speak a bit, on Seasonal Affective Disorder, and it’s impact.

As the days get shorter and the nights get longer, fall leads into the darker portion of the year in the northern hemisphere. Along with this shift into the darker months, some of us will experience mild or even sever changes in our emotional states. Even if you’ve never suffered from depression, you can experience symptoms of S.A.D.

It’s important to be aware of S.A.D. so that if you are impacted, you can take steps to find the support you need. Don’t brush off that yearly feeling as simply a case of the “winter blues” or a seasonal funk that you have to tough out on your own. Take steps to keep your mood and motivation steady throughout the year. Treatments for S.A.D. can include light therapy (phototherapy), psychotherapy, and at times supplements such as Vitamin D or medications.

I have been so grateful to have my therapy practice to lean into in these times. Being with my clients in the office gives me a sense of hope and purpose, a feeling that regardless of what is happening, I can still contribute to making the world a better place, one hour at a time.

Big News: Hold Me Tight® Costa Rica

Many of you have followed my Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops journey. You have seen me offer, facilitate, and lead successful Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops here in Nevada City, CA, over the past ten years. Earlier this year, I decided to take a leap and push a new edge for myself; I booked a Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat, this coming May, at the beautiful Imiloa Institute in Costa Rica.

A view from Imiloa Institute in Costa Rica where we will be holding our next Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops this coming May.

After the tragic events in Israel and seeing my homeland go through such hard dark times, I’ve had a difficult time sharing about this retreat, feeling the stark juxtaposition of such a joyful experience, against the reality of so much suffering.

However, I’ve realized that now, more than any other time, we need connection, and we need to heal, and we need to find ways to reignite our belief in love and life.

And so, I want to invite you to share this new adventure and challenge with me at our next Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat in Costa Rica at the Imiloa Institute. Join us for 6 days, May 18-23, 2024, to share, and to reignite your relationship, in the magnificent healing beauty of Costa Rica; in the midst of a lush jungle with toucans, sloths, monkeys, butterflies, and your partner.

Once again, I am feeling immense gratitude to Dr. Sue Johnson on whose work Hold Me Tight® Workshops are based. She embarked on this journey of figuring out couples relationships and broke the code for “‘what it is to love,” discovered the obstacles to secure attachments, and pioneered how to form long lasting bonding connections with our loved ones.

Owen Marcus, MA, author, workshop facilitator, co-founder of EVRYMAN, and TEDxTalk presenter on Masculine Emotional Intelligence, will once again be co-leading this workshop with me. (Owen’s TEDX talk).

Owen brings with him the width of decades of leading and facilitating men’s group all over the country, helping men access their masculine vulnerability.  Owen’s presence, and his work with couples and men, will enhance this upcoming Hold Me Tight® retreat.

Flyer for our upcoming Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops at Imiloa Institute in Costa Rica.

We are looking forward to share this Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat and are happy to answer any questions you might have during a free consultation. Please fill out our brief questionnaire to ensure we tailor this consultation to your needs and help us make the most out of our 30-minute session together.

We are offering a 10% reduced fee for early registration.
Fill out a brief questionnaire to book a free 30 minute consultation for more information.
Book free 30 minute consult

Please do not hesitate to contact me privately by email at dalia@daliaanderman.com, or call or text my cell: 530.218.2721.

In gratitude and love to all of you,
Dalia


P: 530-692-0680
DIRECT EMAIL, or via
CONTACT FORM


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Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson, founder and originator of Emotionally Focused Therapy.

Making A Wish

Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops

The birds they sang
At the break of day
Start again
I heard them say
Don’t dwell on what has passed away…

Leonard Cohen

Some years ago while traveling in Costa Rica, I visited a coastal town on New Year Eve. After dinner, the whole town walked down to the beach together holding paper lanterns. At midnight, they lit their lanterns and sent off their wishes for the New Year.

The lanterns were a symbol, lighting the way forward into the future and pushing aside the encompassing darkness. It was a ritual of warding away bad energy and beginning a new (enlightened) path to righteousness.

I also think that it could be a way to give away or no longer carry what we don’t want to take with us moving forward. A way of creating a sense of reNEWal and promise for the New Year.

Lantern Ritual for New Year Eve in Costa Rica.

This New Year, we can use some of those lanterns or we can create our own rituals. It has been a hard year for us all and this is a time of leaving behind the hardships; A time of sending off, letting go, and wishing for a better year to come.

I’m sending my wishes and blessings to all of you for a healthy, safe, sane, Joyful and Happy New Year.

Here in Northern California we experienced an Epic Holiday storm to send off 2021 with a blast. It brought snow all the way down to the lower elevations, breaking records here in Nevada County. Many of us here are still without power, heat, or access to the internet.

Deep snow in the backyard over the holidays in Nevada City, CA.
My backyard after the storm with more snow than it’s ever seen before.

Please take good care, be safe, and stay warm. There are many resources available through the county. I was touched by the incredible offers of help and support I received: From drivers with trucks offering rides and help with chains to community warming spaces and hot meal deliveries. I feel honored to be a part of this community.

On Dec 31st, a few days after the storm, I went for a walk in my neighborhood and there was a glorious sunset. For me, it was yet another reminder that the light is returning and of my hope for lighter days to come.

Sunset in Nevada City, CA on New Year Eve.

I write a blog about New Years resolutions around this time most years. However, resolutions can feel like a setup for failure, like another way to remind ourselves that we cannot be reliable or accountable.

Maybe this year instead of resolutions, I will create more rituals. Even though I honor and love my work as a therapist, my hope for this year is to work less and to have more time to nurture my health and my relationships.

One important ritual to create is setting aside the time and space to nurture our partner relationship and build secure connection. This year, give yourselves the gift of LOVE. Keeping your love alive, your partner communication intimate and transparent, and your sex life juicy and vibrant is a beautiful vision with which to start the new year!

For those of you who have made a New Years resolution to improve your relationship, we are offering our next Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop on Saturday and Sunday January 29-30, 2022 in Nevada City CA. SPACE IS LIMITED. SO SIGN UP ASAP.

Hold Me Tight® couples workshops are based on Sue Johnson’s Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT) which grew out of attachment and how it shapes our intimate connections. The focus of EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy), is to help partners understand more clearly each other’s deepest emotions. Feelings are often hidden, unexpressed or misunderstood. Our relationships can be a cause of stress and pain or a source of comfort and joy. In EFT, we help couples learn how to deal with their feelings together, reach towards each other, and be responsive in more loving and positive ways.

At our Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop, you and your partner will learn and experience how to:
• Affirm strengths in your relationship by developing understanding and bonding.
• Address negative cycles and patterns while learning why they show up and how to get out of them.
• Learn how to repair and forgive injuries, and become vulnerable with each other.
• Enhance your emotional, physical, and SEXUAL closeness and INTIMACY.

I am excited to announce that Owen Marcus, MA, author, workshop facilitator, co-founder of Evryman, and TEDxTalk presenter on Masculine Emotional Intelligence, will once again be assisting me leading the workshop.

Owen brings with him the experience of decades of leading and facilitating men’s groups all over the country and helping men access their masculine vulnerability.  Owen’s presence and his work with couples and men will enhance this upcoming Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop. Owen has been intensely involved in his new company Evryman, reaching men all over the world and helping them access and connect with their deep emotions and vulnerability.

Hold Me Tight® couples workshop flyer for next workshop in New Year. January 29-30, 2022.

This is a great opportunity to have a deep vulnerable look at your relationship and to gain a deeper understanding of the dance you and your partner do around your needs for connection. It is a great opportunity to develop the skills to recognize the patterns and cycles that keep you separated and learn new ways to slow down and reconnect. It is also a beautiful time to go deeper celebrating the strengths of your relationship and building on the positives that already exist.

Please do not hesitate to contact me with any questions or for more information.

Sand castle with Pura Vida in the sand in the foreground.

My hope for us all in this New Year is that we can send off that which no longer serves us and invite in the renewal and change we desire. After witnessing the New Years ritual in Costa Rica, I adopted their saying “Pura Vida,” which is so appropriate for our times. It translates to “pure life” or “simple life,” which is a way of referencing Costa Rican’s (Ticos) culture of focusing on what is important in life and not stressing the small stuff. It is a used to say hello, goodbye, and to let others know that all is well. It is a reminder to slow down and enjoy the present moment.

Wishing all of you a most happy, healthy, safe, fulfilling, exciting, brave, and courageous NEW YEAR.

Dalia


P: 530-692-0680
DIRECT EMAIL, or via
CONTACT FORM


Facebook | HOLD ME TIGHT® WORKSHOPS

Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson, founder and originator of Emotionally Focused Therapy.

Are You S.A.D.?

Couples Therapy, Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT), Hold Me Tight® Workshops, Individual Therapy

For those of you who do not live in our area, the concept of living with the constant fear of fire danger and evacuation may sound unreasonable. But for us here in California, it is now the new normal, not thought of in terms if, but when. We spend the summer and fall with go bags by the door, daily checking the smoke and air quality index. It is a matter of survival.

Recently we had an hour of rain. We all went outside and got drenched inhaling the sweet smell. At the remote hint of a few drops of rain in the forecast, we hold our breath and try not to jinx it; we leave the outdoor furniture, cushions and blankets uncovered; we wash the cars and hang the laundry outside. We so needed that break in the seemingly endless fire season to let our individual and collective nervous systems take a couple deep breaths and come down from high alert.

Red deciduous tree behind white picket fence, showing fall colors.

I love this time of year, not only because it signals the end of our fire season, but because as autumn comes around there is a softness and surrender in the air, a quiet beauty in the leaves changing colors, and a time of solemn reflection and preparation for winter.

And, as the days get shorter and the nights get longer, fall leads into the darker portion of the year in the northern hemisphere. Along with this shift into the darker months, some of us will experience mild or even sever change in our emotional states of mind. Even if you have never suffered from depression, you can experience symptoms of S.A.D. 

According to the Mayo Clinic, Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that’s related to changes in seasons. If you’re like most people with S.A.D, it begins and ends at about the same time every year with symptoms starting in the fall and continuing into the winter months, sapping your energy and making you feel moody.

A girl sits on a ledge, head bowed, silhouetted against a still pool, with far off rough waters and dark clouds. Representative of S.A.D.

Around this time of year, I often talk to my clients about this certain kind of sadness that starts to show up in Autumn.

It is important not to overlook S.A.D., as it can be debilitating and cause worrisome symptoms.  Don’t brush off that yearly feeling as simply a case of the “winter blues” or a seasonal funk that you have to tough out on your own. Take steps to keep your mood and motivation steady throughout the year.  Treatment for S.A.D can include light therapy (phototherapy), psychotherapy, and at time, supplements (such as Vitamin D) and medications.

Please do not feel that you have to “just get over it,” or hunker down until it passes. Please ask and reach out for help and support.

According to WebMD, while we don’t know the exact causes of S.A.D., some scientists think that certain hormones made deep in the brain trigger attitude-related changes at certain times of year. Experts believe that S.A.D. may be related to these hormonal changes. One theory is that less sunlight during fall and winter leads to the brain making less serotonin, a chemical linked to brain pathways that regulate mood. When nerve cell pathways in the brain that regulate mood don’t function normally, the result can be feelings of depression, along with symptoms of fatigue and weight gain.

You expected to be sad in the fall. Part of you died each year when the leaves fell from the trees and their branches were bare against the wind and the cold, wintery light…

Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast

Autumn is also a time of drawing in, planning for the season to come, and putting seeds in the ground so that crops will grow with the coming raining season. For me autumn is also a time to slow down. After the rush of summer, we realize that we are coming toward the end of the year and it is a time to reflect, contemplate, and care for oneself.

Of course, with the Covid pandemic these past two years, it has been hard to define what is normal. Even when we try, it all changes. But in the midst of chaos, it is important to take a breath and catch up with ourselves and return to rituals that help us ground and center.

This time when some feel S.A.D. is a great time to reconnect with loved ones. Two women on beach embracing and smiling.

I try to slow the pace and take the time to write a gratitude journal, to read a passage in a spiritual or poetry book, make time for my yoga practice, and connect more intentionally with friends I have not seen for a while. Going out in nature and hiking up in the mountains always helps me slow down and reflect on where I am and the year that is coming to a close.

For some couples, autumn can be a powerful time to invest in renewing their connection . After a summer of being busy with kids, family, and life, it could be time to take a deep breathe, reconnect and cultivate closeness in preparation for the coming bustle of the holiday season. If that is you, join us for our November 6-7, 2021, Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop led by Dalia Anderman, LMFT & Owen Marcus in beautiful Nevada City, California. Sign up here.

Use this time that when some feel S.A.D. to reconnect with that special loved one in our Hold Me Tight Couples Workshop.

Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops are based on Dr. Sue Johnson’s Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT) which draws on attachment and how it shapes our intimate connections. Read a description of the workshop on the Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop page, or in this article I wrote.

Whether you come to deal with painful issues such as infidelity and affairs, to understand the negative cycles you find yourselves caught up in, to enhance what is good in your partnership, or to find tools to communicate better, our Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop is a safe place to understand your relationship, learn how to reach for each other in times of need, and learn how to be vulnerable with each other.
We have just a couple more spaces open. Sign up here.

If we cannot accommodate you in this upcoming workshop, we will be sure to add you to our waiting list and notify you as soon as we schedule the next one.

I’m hoping we all have a safe and beautiful autumn season of reflection, extra self-care and renewed connection with our loved ones.

Much love,
~Dalia


P: 530-692-0680
DIRECT EMAIL, or via
CONTACT FORM


Facebook | HOLD ME TIGHT® WORKSHOPS

Hold Me Tight® is a registered trademark of Sue Johnson, founder and originator of Emotionally Focused Therapy.